


Joanna

by Jenn0509



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Abduction, Alpha Jacob Black, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Imprinting, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bella Swan Has a Twin, Childhood Trauma, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family Feels, First Time, Good Parent Charlie Swan, Hand Jobs, Healing, Human Trafficking, Imprinting, Loss of Virginity, Out of Body Experiences, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Eclipse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Edward Cullen, Rough Oral Sex, Sex Work, Slow Build, Teen Pregnancy, Twins, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:18:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 25
Words: 62,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23305195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenn0509/pseuds/Jenn0509
Summary: Bella Swan has flirted with death her entire life, beginning at age three when she was kidnapped. She made it home, but her twin sister Joanna didn't. For fifteen years Bella thought her sister was dead, but when she cliff jumps trying to see Edward, she sees another face as well.Joanna Swan has not had an easy life. Being home leads to more challenges than she could have ever imagine. And just what is her sister doing marrying a vampire anyway?
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Jacob Black/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 60
Kudos: 205





	1. My Love Follows You Where You Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella Swan confronts some long buried realities and longs to be with Edward. This chapter is set mid New Moon.

_"Take forgiveness, take a prayer, take the deepest breath_   
_And take the answers in your heart_   
_When you wake up and the world is cruel and cold_   
_My love follows you where you go"_

**March 16th, 2006**  
“Bells? You okay?” Charlie asked, pausing halfway to the door.

She nodded slowly, her stomach tight, “Yeah, I just… noticed the date.”

He looked at the calendar on the wall and stood there for a moment, “Wow, fifteen years.” His hand shook a little as he ran it through his graying hair, “Damn. I didn’t even realize. I can stay home if you want, Lord knows Billy’ll understand.”

“You don’t have to.” She said softly. She’d gotten used to him not worrying about her. He had finally stopped trying to micromanage her every move out of fear, and she had no desire to get back to that.

Charlie sat his hat down on the counter top, running his hand through his hair again, “I can, if you want. You’ve never been here on this day, you were in Arizona last year. We were…busy.”

Bella sucked in a deep breath, “I didn’t realize.” She bit her lip and hated the rush of guilt that spread in her gut, and a little morbid humor about her being in the hospital on March sixteenth more than once in her life. What a very long year.

“I didn’t either.” He said gruffly.

Bella forced a small smile, really not wanting to spend the day awkwardly dancing around Charlie, “You don’t need to stay. I’m spending the day…” She scrambled to come up with someone he would be satisfied by, “…with Jake.”

His eyes brightened, as usual, at the mention of Jacob, but he frowned slightly, “It’s a Thursday. Shouldn’t he be in school?” There was a moments hesitation before he added, “Shouldn’t you?”

Bella grimaced, again scrambling for an appropriate response, “It’s Spring Break. We’re hanging out at the Reservation after I work on a project with a couple of girls from school. Doing homework and stuff with Jake. I’ll probably be there pretty late.” There, that had to be enough to keep him sufficiently pleased she was occupying her time well enough without him.

Charlie let out a long sigh, “I’m glad you and Jake worked out whatever was going on between you two the last couple of weeks. That boy makes you happy.”

She smiled back at him, but felt it even less than usual. “He’s a good friend.” The childish part of her wanted to over-emphasize the word ‘friend’, but Charlie wouldn’t understand any better what was actually going on. In the fantasy world in his head, she and Jacob would get married and have lots of kids, and never ever leave the area. That, and he and Billy would have even more excuses to sit and watch ball games together.

Charlie awkwardly kissed the side of her head, “Alright, Kiddo. Have a good day, and…be safe.”

“I will.” She told him, but her thoughts had spiraled into that desperate place where she needed…had to see Edward. Today of all days, she needed to see Edward, to hear him, to feel like he still cared about her, and she had an idea or two of how she could do it. Charlie wasn’t going to approve of any of her methods.

She really did have a project to work on first though.

Bella managed school work for nearly three solid hours, but the lunch break they took proved to be too much. Her skin was crawling, the meal she had packed held little interest, and she just wanted to get away from all the asinine comments and stupidity. What made it worse was, somehow, sweet Angela seemed to remember what March sixteenth meant to the Swan family.

It was the day Joanna had died.

It was also the day the cracked relationship between Officer Charles Swan and his young wife Renee Swan had fractured beyond repair. She had never liked Forks, never wanted to be tied down, but as soon as their girls had vanished, Renee had started blaming him. And when Joanna never came home, well, Charlie had good as murdered Joanna himself. Bella wasn’t sure if her mother had ever forgiven him, but sometimes, she wasn’t sure her mother even remembered she’d had a second daughter. For flighty Renee, it would probably have been easier just to pretend, to block out the pain completely year after year until the source of it was almost entirely gone.

Bella couldn’t forget though.

She had tried, but she had never been able to forget Joanna.

Before Edward and vampires had burst into her grey life, Joanna’s blue eyes, their mother’s eyes, had pretty much haunted Bella’s every waking moment. Today was a day she couldn’t forget, but it was one she’d forgotten before. Guilt gnawed at her, worse than usual because of something she’d done a year ago.

She feigned a headache to get rid of her classmates without looking like a total bitch, and drove to the Reservation, away from Angela’s sympathetic glances, to the cliffs where she’d seen Jacob cliff-diving. She had to see Edward, needed to feel like he was with her, even if just for a split second. She texted Jacob telling him to meet her there, but when she got to the cliffs, Bella didn’t feel like waiting.

And Edward came.

Just before she hit the water, she saw a plume of red that looked just like Victoria’s hair, but all thoughts of the vampire were out of her head as soon as she met the water. All the air was knocked out of her, and the current instantly started dragging her down.

Against the sting of the water, Bella opened her eyes, and instantly sucked in more air. There was another girl in the water, gazing back at her with a livid expression.

The girl in front of her gasped, and Bella read her own name on the girl’s lips. She brought her fists up, banging on an invisible wall between them as the water pulled Bella further down. Bella let go. She’d seen Edward, and she’d seen…Joanna? What else was there to fight for?

Just before she lost consciousness, she thought she heard a female voice scream, “Swim, damnit! Bells, swim!”

The next thing she knew, Jacob was leaning over her, “Bella, what the hell? You almost drowned! What’s wrong with you?”

Bella sat up, those blue eyes haunting her even more than they had before. “I’m sorry. I should’ve waited for you. Thanks.”

“Thanks?” Jacob echoed incredulously. His miffed attitude only intensified through the rest of March and into April, particularly with her fleeing to Italy to save Edward. Why he was still her friend, Bella honestly had no clue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics and chapter title are from My Love Follows You Where You Go by Alison Krauss & Union Station
> 
> Thank you for joining me on this first chapter! I would love to know what you think!  
> -Jenn


	2. Because of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella tells Edward about her sister.

_"Because of you_   
_I never stray too far from the sidewalk_   
_Because of you_   
_I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_   
_Because of you_   
_I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me_   
_Because of you_   
_I am afraid"_

**May 18th, 2006**  
“Edward, I need to tell you something.” Bella said softly.

Edward looked up from the piano, his long nimble fingers pausing over the keys once he took in the expression on her face, “What is it?”

She hated to say anything, hated her newest attempt at dispelling the perfect idea he had in his head of her. God knew he’d seemingly ignored everything else about her that was so horribly plain and so completely unworthy of him. It had been so long, so long she’d almost forgotten herself, until that afternoon in the ocean that she’d never spoken about to anyone. In many ways she was sharing with Edward the last secret she had. Arguably the biggest, most devastating one, but she had to tell him, had to get it all off her chest.

“I haven’t been entirely honest with you.” She started, trying to come up with the words to tell him what had been bothering her for months, besides the whole Italy business and him leaving her in the first place. She blurted it all out at once, and was pretty pleased with the fact that she only stumbled over her words once, “Before we get to Florida, you need to know that…I-I have a sister.”

He blinked a couple of times, seeming so slow for someone who was usually so fast, “A sister?”

Bella nodded, not looking at him in an effort to get through what she needed to say. He was distracting enough even when she wasn’t dropping a bomb on him. She was doing so well too. “A twin. She died when we were two. Her name was Joanna. My mother has been kind of distracted every time you’ve met her, but we’re going to be there for a weekend. I just didn’t want you to be completely blindsided if she brings Joanna up.”

He’d heard the name a couple of times around Forks, but had never thought that it was a relative, much less Bella’s twin. No one had ever spent much time thinking about the name, no more than someone would spend thinking about a great grandmother they’d lost as a young child. No one have ever given him any cause to stop and think about the name.

“What happened to her, Bella?” He asked finally, completely stunned.

Bella sighed, rubbing her hands together, “It’s kind of simple, actually. Charlie put this guy away, he died in a prison fight, and his brother blamed Charlie. He showed up here in Forks, and he kidnapped us from the back yard.”

“And?” Edward asked after she was silent for a second.

Bella took a deep breath, “It’s simple. I got away. Joanna didn’t.”

“That’s not simple at all.” He cupped her cheek in his hand, “Oh, Bella, I’m so sorry.” He whispered, stunned he or the rest of his family had never heard anything about the death of a two year old in Forks.

“Don’t be. I honestly don’t think about her that often. We were so young. I mean I guess that's why I've always been so cautious, but...I just don't usually think about her.” Bella said, feeling bad about admitting something like that. Unconsciously her hands drifted to her mouth.

Edward stared at her for a second, “You really have been flirting with death your whole life, haven’t you?” He took her hands in his to keep her from gnawing on her fingers anymore.

Bella laughed for a second, and then felt tears burning in her eyes. “Edward, she’s dead! She’s dead, and I’m going on vacation to see our mother with my amazing vampire boyfriend who wants to marry me. I’m just…Bella.”

Edward scowled at her, “I love you, Bella, it doesn’t matter. I do wish you’d told me before now. I trusted you with my family’s secret, but you didn’t trust me with this.”

Bella groaned, guilt gnawing at her, “That’s not it.”

He started to argue with her, but noticed the way she’d inflected it. “What is it?”

She looked nervous, like a little kid who’d done something wrong, and he had a terrible feeling he had at least some idea of where she was heading with this. “When I…uh…cliff jumped, I didn’t just see you in the water. I uh…I saw Joanna too. Or at least I think it was her. She looked like me, but her eyes…they were blue like Joanna’s were. Joanna had Renee’s eyes.”

Edward sighed heavily, torturing himself by taking in another breath of her sweet scent, “You’re telling me you saw your dead sister when you almost got yourself killed?”

“I didn’t just see her, Edward, I heard her. She was screaming at me to swim.” Bella paused, biting her lowed lip, “She called me Bells. Joanna was the only other person besides Charlie to call me that. My only real memories of her are of her yelling ‘Bells’ to get my attention.”

Edward pulled her to his chest, “The brain does crazy things when it’s deprived of oxygen, Bella. I wouldn’t dwell too much on it.”

Bella made an almost growling sound, pulling away from him, “Edward, that wasn’t the last time I saw her. When we were in Volterra and Aro was deciding if he was going to kill us or not, she was there, and again when I tripped last week and tried to brain myself. That she laughed at.” She made a face at him in response to his skeptical expression, “I’m a little crazy, but I’m not that crazy. All that has gotten me thinking though. What if she’s still alive? They never found her body, Edward, she could still be alive.”

“They never found a body but they declared her dead?” Edward asked, confused, and wondering how Charlie Swan would have ever been convinced to stop looking for his daughter if there hadn’t been a body found.

Bella nodded, “They found the guy’s truck abandoned halfway to New York. Neither of them were there, but the passenger seat was filled with blood. It was Joanna’s type. From what I’ve been told, the medical examiner said there was no way a two year old could lose that much blood and survive.” She took in a rattling breath, “There were terrible forest fires that year, so officials assumed he dumped her body near a fire before heading into Canada. By the time the fires in that area were out, there was no way they’d have found anything more than teeth, if that. She was legally dead after that, but after seeing her these last few months and knowing about the supernatural… Isn’t it possible that maybe she’s alive, that either my mysterious power or maybe a power she has is letting me see her?”

Edward started to tell her no, that the odds were slim, but then he remembered that forensics hadn’t been all that reliable over fifteen years ago. He also remembered Jane and Alec, undead proof that twins often had abilities that were foils of the other. He looked at the love of his life, her face flushed with the blood pumping faster than normal through her body, and measured his next words carefully, “It’s possible, Bella. We can look into it when we get back, if it would make you feel better.”

She smiled at him, “It would. I know we’ve got Victoria to worry about, but I can’t get Joanna out of my head.”

Edward pulled her to her feet, “Come on, they’re about to call for our flight.” One arm around her shoulder, he kissed the top of her head, “I’ll call Jasper before we leave, ask him to look into it in his free time.”

“You’ll only tell him?” She asked, “I don’t want everyone to think I’m losing my mind.” God knew Rosalie hated her enough without her being crazy, the blonde vampire didn’t any more fuel added to that fire.

“Of course.” Edward told her gently, and brushed a quick kiss to her lips, “You’re not losing your mind, Bella.”

“Thank you.” Bella whispered, relieved that he wasn’t completely convinced that she was crazy. Although that made him even crazier than he already was for liking her in the first place.

Despite her fear of Renee outing the darkest secret forcing Bella to tell Edward the same secret, her mother only mentioned Joanna once. They had been outside on the patio that was everything Renee deserved, and it had been such an offhanded comment during her talk with Bella about her relationship with Edward, that Bella had been taken by surprise.

“Watching you and Edward together reminds me of watching you and Joanna together. You two were so in sync.” She smiled wistfully, oblivious to Bella’s stunned expression, “It’s nice to see you with Edward. It’s like you’re complete again, you’re so much happier with him.” Renee had wandered inside after that, and been quiet for a half hour before returning to normal.

They went back to Forks that night, and Bella was a bit dismayed to discover that Jasper hadn’t found anything yet. Apparently they’d been preoccupied with Alice and her visions. Bella tried not to let it bother her, but she couldn’t help but notice the occasional pitying look Jasper sent her way. It was not an improvement on his usual expression. So that was at least one more Cullen who didn’t want to be around her. Fabulous.

She’d waited for sixteen years without answers though, a few weeks or months wouldn’t kill her.

Besides, Edward could be right. After all, didn’t everyone wish their dead loved ones were alive, or at least contacting them from the great beyond? She had gone sixteen years without dwelling too much on her sister though, and the whole mess with Victoria helped keep her mind off Joanna for the next four weeks…which was the only positive factor in the whole ordeal.

It was nearly the end of June before Jasper finally stood in front of her with a more puzzled than usual look on his face. Edward stiffened and Bella held her breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics and chapter title from Because of You by Kelly Clarkson.
> 
> This story is already posted on ff.net, so my plan is to post a chapter or two daily until I catch up!
> 
> Let me know what you think!  
> -Jenn


	3. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> News on Joanna reaches Bella, and we get our first glimpse of what is going on with the wayward sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter alludes to pretty awful child abuse, and the current time flash of Joanna includes non-consensual content...be warned!

_"Monster_   
_How should I feel?_   
_Creatures lie here_   
_Looking through the window_

_That night he caged her_   
_Bruised and broke her_   
_He struggled closer_   
_Then he stole her_   
_Violet wrists and then her ankles_   
_Silent pain_   
_Then he slowly saw their nightmares were his dreams"_

**June 21st, 2006**  
“I have something on your sister.” Jasper began awkwardly, because he still couldn’t figure out how to not look like he wanted to kill her when he had to speak in her presence. Bella still didn’t understand how he had repeatedly managed high school, “The blood in the truck belonged to an adult female, not a child.”

Bella jumped up out of the safe circle of Edward’s arms, “That’s the whole reason they thought Joanna was dead!”

Edward grabbed her just before she tumbled into the glass bookshelf in her excitement, growling, “Careful, Bella.”

“I’m sorry!” She cried apologetically towards Jasper who looked more alarmed than usual by her outburst. Bella looked up into Edward’s golden eyes, clinging on to his shirt, “She could be alive, Edward. I need to find out what happened.”

This was one of the moments that made Bella grateful that Edward’s fantastic mind reading ability seemed to exclude her. He would be hurt by what she was thinking, and try even harder to change her mind than he already was. She wasn’t going to change her mind, but the reality of their marriage, of the end of her own human life had made Bella feel guilty about leaving Charlie alone. That, and she wasn’t sure Renee could survive losing both of her daughters.

Jasper gestured to a bag he’d put by the door, recapturing her attention, “I…uh…liberated a jacket that belonged to the kidnapper from the Forks Police Department. If he’s still alive, we should be able to track him.”

Edward kissed the top of her head, “We’ll go right now.”

Bella nodded vigorously in excitement, not even insisting she go because she knew Edward would fight her. She just wanted them back as soon as possible, “I’ll be right here.”

She called Charlie and told him she was spending the night in Port Angeles with Alice so they could work on wedding stuff. He didn’t ask any questions past that, and Bella was grateful she hadn’t mentioned anything to him earlier about Esme and the girls being away for the weekend. She was alone in their house because Carlisle was at work and Emmett was playing chauffeur to the female Cullens, but she would rather be there than in Charlie’s house while she waited. Placating Charlie while she was on pins and needles might just push her over the edge, and he didn’t deserve that.

Carlisle got home before Edward and Jasper did, and Bella pretended to be asleep rather than talk to him. She was fully aware he could tell she wasn’t asleep, but Carlisle wasn’t one to pry. She really just didn’t want to talk, didn’t want to tell Carlisle why she was so keyed up, and she knew if he started talking in that calm voice of his, she’d end up spilling it all.

Bella had actually fallen asleep by the time Edward and Jasper came back, and woke covered in a blanket that Carlisle must have put over her. She blinked a couple of times in the early morning light, and would have asked for a few human minutes if she hadn’t been so eager to learn what they had discovered.

Edward sat down next to her, his face unreadable, “He didn’t kill her, Bella.”

“Okay, what happened?” She asked, putting a hand on top of his, waiting for all the information before she got too carried away. There were so many things she wanted to ask, but she had to trust that Edward would tell her what he’d learned and she wasn’t about to slow him down. She just had to hope the way her heart was pounding didn’t distract him too much.

“The blood in the truck was his girlfriend’s. She didn’t approve of what he had planned for Joanna, and he shot her. He dumped her at a hospital, as far as he knows, she’s alive.” He hesitated to tell her the rest, so she stared him down with the brown eyes she knew he loved until he continued, “Bella, he sold Joanna. He thought that if she was ever found it would be devastating to your father because she would be broken.”

Bella took a minute to think it all over, rolling the concept of her sister being alive over and over in her head, accompanied by the word ‘broken’, “Okay, how do we go about finding her?” Edward looked even more anxious, and Bella sighed, “Just tell me, Edward.”

“We found the man he sold her to. He kept her for nine years.” He brushed his hair off of his forehead in a nervous gesture Bella didn’t see on him too often.

Bella took his hand in hers, “Hey, I’ll be okay. I just need to know the truth.”

He sighed heavily, and told her things out of her worst nightmares. Joanna had been sold to a pedophile, a man who wanted little girls to be his own personal dolls. Joanna had stayed with him for years, until she’d gotten too old for him. He’d apparently regretted selling her because she’d started being more doll like, still breathing but completely unaware. She’d been eleven.

“Where do we look next?” Bella said firmly, at least six years ago her sister had been alive.

Edward sighed again, and even his eternally youthful face looked tired for once, “I don’t know.”

She smiled at him, softly, her brown eyes warm, “That’s okay. We’ll find her.”

“I’m not sure what we’re going to find, Bella.” He told her honestly, “She could be dead.”

Bella shook her head, “I can’t think that way right now.”

Alice and the others returned a little while later, and the pixie-vampire pulled Bella into her room. Alice smiled widely as she danced around Bella with a swatch of fabric, “Relax or you’re going to get wrinkles.” She poked the center of Bella’s forehead with a finger for emphasis, “Edward may be brilliant, but he’s wrong. She’s not dead. She’ll be at the wedding.”

“What?” Bella gasped. She had just convinced herself that knowing what happened to Joanna would be enough, even if Edward turned out to be right, but what Alice was saying was…Joanna was really still alive, and she would see her long lost sister in less than two months.

Alice laughed dismissively, “She’s going to need a dress too, we could try fitting it on you for the time being, but I think she’s a little taller.” She regarded Bella critically, “Hmmm…It could work!”

Bella threw her arms around Alice’s neck, seemingly stunning the vampire, “Thank you, Alice.”

She smiled at Bella, “We’re going to be sisters! You’re going to complete our family, but we’re completing yours first. I don't know where she is yet, and I’ll keep trying. But, Bella, she’ll be here for the wedding.”

Bella hugged Alice again, “Thank you, Ali.”

“You’re welcome.” Alice said smugly, hugging the human back gently, “But I have a feeling she’s going to make things very interesting around here.”

* * *

The back door to the club opened for the third time since she’d arrived, and one of the younger girls stumbled in, face pale even lit by the light of the morning sun pouring in through the open door. “What’s wrong?” She asked.

The girl was shaking, her southern accent thicker than usual, “I-I…I don't have enough. Crystal, I don’t have enough! This is the sixth time this month. He’s gonna kill me!”

“No, he’s not.” Crystal said firmly, “How much are you short?”

“A grand.” The girl replied, her voice soft, “I’ve just been so sick…”

Crystal interrupted her, thrusting a wad of cash in her direction, “You’re not short. I am.”

The little southern girl who should have still been home with her momma stared at the older girl who’d been in the life longer than she’d even been alive, “But you’ll get in trouble.”

Crystal shook her head, brown hair tumbling around her shoulders, “Not as much as you.”

The conversation ended, and they sat in silence as the rest of their troupe stumbled in. Sebastian brought up the rear, greedy hands out for the money they’d earned selling their bodies on the street. Of course he stopped at her last, staring at the money in his hand, “This is it?” She nodded, and he grinned, “Damn, the boss is going to want to talk to you, you stupid whore. Hope you’ve got a good explanation.”

She didn’t. And he didn’t like it one bit. ‘Big Rich’- Ricardo Diaz edged close to her in his office, “You mean to tell me that your fine ass only made three hundred bucks?” She nodded, blue eyes locked on the far wall. He put his mouth next to her ear, “You've never had trouble making your rent, even when you’re on the rag, you're a talented girl. If you think you’ve got some big daddy who’s gonna get you out of here and you don’t have to keep working, you’re wrong. I bought you, you are mine until I’m finished with you.”

Her shrug and silence weren’t what he wanted, but they were what he got and only made him angrier. His hand settled on the glittered skin on her throat and she didn't even flinch “You stupid fucking cow. Fine, let’s see how you make rent now.” His hand closed around the front of her throat and he pushed her back against the tobacco stained wall, rubbing himself against her barely covered core, “I’m going to fuck you up so this never happens again. You’ll remember your place.” He told her, but her attention was fading from him as his hand cut off her oxygen and bruised her throat.

He pulled her practically nonexistent shorts to the side and unzipped his pants. He rammed himself roughly into her twice before the pain of the dry fuck and the hand on her throat was enough to have her let herself go.

Just before she drifted away, he spoke again, his breath hot and nasty on her cheek, “If you’re working with the pigs, I’ll end you. You hear me, Joanna?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title and lyrics from Monster by Meg and Dia.
> 
> Hope you made it to the end of this chapter with me!  
> -Jenn


	4. Come Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reunions begin in this one!

_"You stumble through your days_   
_Got your head hung low_   
_Your skies' a shade of grey_   
_Like a zombie in a maze_   
_You're asleep inside_   
_But you can shake away_

_'Cause you're just a dead man walking_   
_Thinking that's your only option_   
_But you can flip the switch and brighten up your darkest day_   
_Sun is up and the color's blinding_   
_Take the world and redefine it_   
_Leave behind your narrow mind_   
_You'll never be the same_

_Come Alive"_

**June 30, 2006**  
Bella went to bed that Sunday night dreading going into town the next day. Jacob was gone. Charlie had been hesitant to tell her what had preceded the werewolf’s flight, but he’d finally broken down and spilled after she glared at him long enough. Her wedding invitation had been so hard for Jacob to handle that he had left his family. The guilt was gnawing at her, and she laid staring at the ceiling for a while. 

Their pantry was more sparsely stocked than usual and she couldn’t avoid going to the grocery store. With her luck, someone would ask her about Jacob, and she really didn’t want to think about it…him. Or any of it.

Jasper had been gone off and on all week, but hadn’t had any luck. With no news on Joanna and Jacob gone, Bella just wanted to scream until her throat was raw.

Everything changed so fast.

Bella was sitting in her car waiting on the wherewithal to shift it to reverse to go to the store when Edward was suddenly there, sliding her over and doing it for her. “Edward!” She exclaimed as he sped down her street, her truck groaning in complaint. “You need to slow down!”

His jaw was clenched, “We need to go. Jasper found her.”

“What?” Bella asked, completely stunned.

“She’s in Vegas.” He hissed.

Bella grabbed his arm, “Edward, stop. That’s twenty hours from here. We can’t just leave. Charlie will lose his mind.” Her truck would never make that either. She took a deep breath, “He actually found her.”

Edward steered the car off the road and was suddenly on his phone. All Bella could tell was that he was talking to Alice. Otherwise he was speaking too quickly for her to comprehend. He hung the phone up after less than a minute and nodded his head to her, “Alice is calling Charlie, and she’ll meet us there. An impromptu bachelorette party. She’ll also tell him that Carlisle and Esme will be there for Carlisle to speak at a medical conference.”

“And he’s just going to buy us all being in the same city as her when she’s found after all these years?” Bella argued, “He’s the Sheriff, Edward.”

“Of Forks.” He said weakly.

Bella scowled at him, “Seriously? He may be oblivious to the supernatural, but he’s not stupid.”

Edward thunked his head back on the headrest, “Well what do you suggest?”

The doe eyed human shook her head, “I’m not sure. I mean…” Bella pinched her eyes closed, “We need to wait on someone to call. We shouldn’t know anything yet.”

Edward nodded, “Okay, let me see if Carlisle can get her transferred here without someone letting Charlie know.”

Bella went still, “What? Transferred?”

Her vampire grimaced, “She’s in the hospital.”

She felt a knot tighten in her stomach, and she stared at his stony profile, “Edward, what’s wrong with her? Is she okay?”

He shook his head tightly, “Jasper found her unconscious in an alley behind one of the hotels. She’s in a coma.”

“A coma.” Bella echoed, watching the trees whip past as Edward’s foot held steady on the accelerator and her truck continued to groan and started to rattle.

“Jasper’s with her.” Edward whispered, “He’s been staying close when her doctors have been in, says she’s breathing on her own but she was completely unresponsive when he found her.”

“How did she end up in a coma?” Bella asked, her eyes fixed straight ahead.

The silence trailed between them for a few seconds before he answered, “She’d been beaten. Pretty badly. According to Jasper she’s lucky to be alive.”

Her truck stuttered to a stop.

Edward hissed out what was likely a curse, but Bella hardly heard him, the tide of emotions threatening to drown her just as sure as the ocean had on her doomed cliff jumping expedition, “You just killed my truck. I told you you needed to slow down.”

“I’ll be right back, stay in the truck.” Edward growled, and returned before Bella even had a chance to miss him. “I think I patched it enough to get it to Rosalie.”

“She’s alive.” Bella whispered, turning away from him to pull her knees to her chest and stare blankly out the window.

Bella remained quiet for the rest of the ride, letting the shock overwhelm her, and she hardly reacted the entire time Alice fussed over her in the Cullen living room until the sun had set and Edward held out a hand to her, “She just arrived in Port Angeles. Carlisle says the blood work is about to come in. We should be close when they let the police know.”

“Guess it’s more reasonable that we’re visiting Carlisle while he’s on shift in Port Angeles than a conference in Vegas, right?” Bella said softly, looking up at Edward for the first time in hours.

He gave her a tentative smile, “You’re smart for a human.”

She smiled back at him, although it was a small one, “There has to be something about me that isn’t plain, boring Bella.”

Edward’s smile turned ever so slightly and he brushed a cool kiss to her forehead, “I would never describe you as boring, Bella.”

She bit her tongue. Now wasn’t the time to enter into that same argument with him. Her sister was alive. It seemed like a dream. Edward held her hand the entire drive there, and led her through the hospital whispering comforting words that fell on deaf ears. At least until she saw Jasper, pinch faced and pale, standing with his arms crossed outside of the ICU with Carlisle beside him.

Carlisle smiled at her, the same smile he used to dazzle all his patients, “Bella, she’s in a medically induced coma right now to ensure that there’s no risk of damage from brain swelling and she took a few good blows to her face, but she seems to be a fighter. She does look rather…rough.”

“I don’t care.” Bella said, brushing past her future father-in-law.

No one tried to stop her.

There she was. Joanna Swan. Twin sister to Isabella Swan. Alive.

Bella stared at the girl on the bed in complete amazement, “Fifteen years, and there she is.”

Edward was by her side faster than a human could have been, “Yes, Bella, she’s here.” He held her hand tightly, but she didn’t register him. Her attention was elsewhere. Joanna was standing just feet from her.

“Bella?” The sound of her name on her sister’s lips stole her breath. At the same time the monitors attached to the body on the bed beeped erratically. Carlisle moved some wires and muttered to himself urgently, pushing a vial of something into the IV hooked into the body’s arm.

Bella continued to stare at her sister, the one standing at the foot of the bed staring back at her. She reached out and grasped Edward’s arm with her free hand, “Edward…?” But the standing girl faded as the beeping slowed to a normal pace.

Carlisle looked almost…rattled, and frowned at Edward over Bella’s head, but didn’t speak.

Bella stepped closer to the body on the bed. “We look more alike than I thought we would.” She whispered, noting the way the lips of the woman in front of her were thinner on top and fuller on the bottom like hers. They were obviously the same, even with the other’s bottom lip busted open and held back together by two delicate stitches. There were stitches in her cheek too, but even with the swelling there wouldn’t have been any doubt that they shared the same parents. Her thickly lashed eyelids remained closed though, hiding what had always been the biggest difference between them: Joanna’s blue eyes.

“When we were toddlers we didn’t look so alike. She had Renee’s eyes and Charlie’s curls.” Bella touched her sister’s gauze wrapped hand briefly, but jerked it back uncertainly, shifting nervously.

Edward knew the brief stillness in the room was about to end, “Bella.” He said in warning, just before Charlie’s muffled yells became audible to her.

“Bella! Damnit, get out of my way Gerry. You can’t tell me my daughter’s in the ICU and not let me in to her. Bella! Bells!” Someone hit a wall, “Let me in!” Bella just stood, wide-eyed, facing the door, unconsciously putting herself between the door and her sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title and lyrics from 'Come Alive' off the Greatest Showman Soundtrack


	5. Fight Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of medical jargon, and...Joanna wakes up!

_"Like a small boat_  
_On the ocean_  
_Sending big waves_  
_Into motion_  
_Like how a single word_  
_Can make a heart open_  
_I might only have one match_  
_But I can make an explosion_

_And all those things I didn't say_  
_Wrecking balls inside my brain_  
_I will scream them loud tonight_  
_Can you hear my voice this time?"_

**June 31, 2006**  
Charlie Swan burst through the door just after midnight, and heaved a sigh of relief when his eyes fell on Bella, standing seemingly unharmed beside the boy she was so determined to be with. “Hell, Bells, David called saying my daughter had been brought to the hospital. They said ICU, and I thought you’d…” He trailed off, his brain finally processing what he was seeing behind her. His hand went out to brace himself against the doorframe, “Bella, who…? What…?”

Bella rushed to her father, unsure if she was holding him back or preparing to hold him up. Renee was going to be an unholy mess of sobbing and screaming, but Bella had no idea what to expect from Charlie. She found her voice quickly, mixing truth with lies to make it as easy as possible for him to understand so there didn’t have to be more talking than absolutely necessary, mainly because she wasn’t sure she could keep herself in line if he started asking questions.

Unlike Edward, she didn’t have centuries of practice in lying, and, unlike their usual hospital conversations, she wasn’t injured and couldn’t pawn speaking off on Edward by feigning unconsciousness, “Charlie…Dad, they found Joanna. The state police got a tip, but they didn’t want you to be involved. I was here with Edward and Jasper, we were here visiting Carlisle when they brought her in.”

Charlie wrapped his arms around Bella and stammered nonsensical words for a moment, pushing Bella backwards towards the bed until he was ghosting a shaking hand over Joanna’s arm. The girl at the center of it all stirred, and Edward was stunned. Unlike her sister, Edward could hear her thoughts over the numb sensations of the medications. They were disjointed and made almost no sense, but he understood enough to know that she had recognized their voices, Bella’s and Charlie’s. She remembered them. Joanna opened and closed her mouth slightly a couple of times before she finally got sound out, “Daaa….”

Charlie stilled instantly, still holding onto Bella, but his attention completely on Joanna. “I’m here, JoJo, Daddy’s right here. Bells and I are right here.”

Edward read vague notions of relief and satisfaction from the girl before she faded back into unconsciousness. Carlisle was frazzled. When they’d come in, Joanna had been in the middle of a cardiac event, a bad sign, but then she’d seemingly fought off sedation at Charlie and Bella’s voices. The events made no medical sense.

Bella spent the next forty eight hours escaping back to Joanna’s hospital room before Edward had a chance to come get her or Charlie had even rolled out of his own bed. She did her best to avoid everyone, even though Charlie had insisted that no one find out about Joanna until her mother had gotten in.

Edward had listened to Charlie’s conversation with Renee on the phone, and had stared at Bella. What would it have been like? To have a child missing for over fifteen years and then to get a call that she was alive. He could read Charlie’s mind, but he couldn’t really feel the emotions behind the thoughts. Those emotions had driven Jasper away when Charlie had first shown up, and Edward’s brother hadn’t been back to the hospital since.

Joanna herself hadn’t stirred again from unconsciousness, and Carlisle and her other doctors were all hesitant to wake her up too early and risk brain damage. In the mean time they all did their best to keep her comfortable.

As usual, Alice was a blessing to everyone and Charlie loved her even more. Joanna may have still been unconscious, but her hair had been brushed out, her nails trimmed and painted, and her wounds had been tended to on par with the care of a top notch plastic surgeon. Regardless of her injuries, Joanna’s face wouldn’t be scarred once she healed, and she wasn’t going to wake up feeling the grit and grime from the alley she’d been found in.

Renee came in on a red-eye on July 2nd, and Carlisle got a new round of test results right after:

“Charlie? Renee? Could you both step outside for a moment? There’s something I think we should discuss.” Carlisle said as tactfully as possible.

Renee blinked at him a few times, clutching Joanna’s hand in her own, tears still fresh in her eyes, “About Joanna? What is it?”

Carlisle smiled tightly in Bella’s direction, “I think it’s best we speak outside.”

At Edward’s side, Bella frowned, “If it’s about my sister, you can just say what needs to be said.”

Carlisle grimaced, “Bella…”

Renee interrupted him, “No, she’s right. Bella can handle it.”

Really Renee was just afraid she wouldn’t understand whatever medical verbiage Carlisle might throw at her and she wanted to have Bella there to decipher it. She was right. Carlisle had a lot to tell them. Edward had been aware, but it wasn’t his place to tell Bella or her parents what Carlisle’s tests had shown. The vampires had smelled it on her already.

Carlisle nodded, “Very well. Based on her condition upon intake we started her on a range of antibiotics, and it’s a very good thing we did. These test results today have shown that Joanna has several sexually transmitted diseases, and has fairly severe pelvic inflammatory disease. Fortunately everything that she has should respond to the antibiotics. Unfortunately, the damage she’s already sustained from PID may be permanent.”

Renee shook her head emphatically, “What does that mean, Carlisle?”

“Her reproductive system could be severely damaged, Renee. We won’t know the real extent until we wake her up, but it’s possible we might need to do a hysterectomy.” Carlisle said gently.

“A hysterectomy on my eighteen year old daughter?” Renee screamed.

Charlie had stayed silent as long as he could. “STDs. Found in Vegas.” He took in a shuddering breath, “Dr. Cullen, what in the hell has happened to my little girl for all these years?”

Carlisle put a hand on Charlie’s shoulder, “Sheriff Swan, the detectives in charge of her case and I believe that Joanna has been sexually abused.”

Charlie shook his head. He knew better. Joanna had all the red flags for a woman who was being sexually trafficked. Edward couldn’t think of a human way to stop him before Charlie pulled his fist back and punched a hole in the wall. Renee gasped, and Bella jumped. Edward tightened his grip on Bella’s shoulders ever so slightly when Charlie stormed out of the hospital room. He hated the way she trembled, but again, she leaned back into his stone body and took her sister’s hand and suddenly seemed stronger.

Renee recovered quickly, “Dr. Cullen, what else should we know about Joanna’s condition?”

Carlisle let out a very human breath of anxiety, “Even if she doesn’t need the hysterectomy, Joanna could have considerable fertility issues. It’s unlikely she will ever have children.”

Silence followed his words.

Edward watched his father struggle to come up with more to say, “We are hopeful, however, that we should be able to wean her off the sedatives in the next few days. She’s making good progress.”

Renee’s mind cycled into protection mode, which pushed all thoughts of Joanna’s possible lack of fertility out of her head. “Weaning her off? So she’s going to wake up?”

“We’re very hopeful that once we remove her from sedation that she should wake up on her own. Then we will just have to ease her into being home.” Carlisle replied easily, though his attention was drawn to Joanna’s heart monitor.

Bella shot to her feet, and Edward felt off balance for a moment as he reacted to Carlisle’s thoughts and Bella’s reaction to…nothing. He nor Carlisle had said a word about the arrhythmia currently being displayed on the monitor. “What’s going on?” Bella asked urgently.

“She’s showing signs of a heart attack.” Edward told her.

Renee gasped and started twittering incoherently while Carlisle moved to more closely assess the situation. “Wake her up.” Bella demanded, heart racing in her chest, “Now!”

Carlisle shook his head, “That’s not advisable. Being alert could put more stress on her heart…”

Bella grabbed the front of Edward’s shirt, “She needs to wake up now!” She glanced pointedly at Renee, and then put a hand on the side of Edward’s head, her chocolate brown eyes drilling into him as she whispered, “Her ability.” She bit her lip yet again, “She needs to wake up.”

Carlisle heard her, of course, and after being unnaturally still for a moment, he sprung back into action, weaning Joanna off of everything much faster than he normally would have over the next couple of hours. For Renee’s sake he spat out some vague medical terms explaining that Joanna was fighting the sedation.

Bella held her sister’s hand until late in the evening, hardly getting distracted when Renee left to corral Charlie back into the room. Less than a week after Jane Doe had been found beaten half to death behind a Las Vegas casino, Joanna Swan’s blue eyes fluttered opened in Washington State for the first time in over fifteen years. Brown met blue, and the girl on the bed smiled sleepily, whispering in a rasping voice, “Bells?” Bella nodded, but couldn’t speak. Joanna didn't have the same problem, “You gorgeous fucking idiot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title and lyrics from 'Fight Song' by Rachel Platten.
> 
> Thank you for reading!  
> -Jenn


	6. People Like Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward broods, and Joanna realizes she's 'not in Kansas anymore'.

_"We come into this world unknown_   
_But know that we are not alone_   
_They try and knock us down_   
_But change is coming, it's our time now_

_Hey everybody loses it_   
_Everybody wants to throw it all away sometimes_   
_And hey, yeah I know what you're going through_   
_Don't let it get the best of you, you'll make it out alive_   
_Oh, people like us we've gotta stick together_   
_Keep your head up, nothing lasts forever_   
_Here's to the damned to the lost and forgotten_   
_It's hard to get high when you're living on the bottom"_

**July 2nd, 2006**

Bella burst into tears, and threw her arms around Joanna’s neck. Joanna’s hands shook as she reached up to hold her sister. Joanna’s eyes looked over Bella’s shoulder, wide and almost out of time as she blinked looking happy and confused all at once as she looked at first Edward, then Carlisle.

None of it was a dream.

Edward was just as confused, watching tiny snippets of him and Bella through Joanna’s eyes. 

She’d been there: In the forest with them the first time he’d told Bella about his true nature. The first time he and Bella had kissed and he’d almost lost control. In the ballet studio with James. Back in the forest the time he had stupidly left Bella. Bella alone in the water drowning before Jacob had pulled her out. Deep in the bowels of Volterra under Aro’s sharp eye.

All times Bella’s life had been hanging by a thread.

Joanna had power. Bella had been all too accurate in her theory, and the realization made Edward’s undead heart clench. The Volturi could never find out about Joanna. If they did, their interest in Bella would increase two-fold. Aro, after all, coveted matching sets.

Oblivious to the cyclone in Edward’s head Carlisle was monitoring Joanna carefully. “Her heart rate and sinus rhythm appears to have returned to normal.” He turned to look at the girl in question, “Joanna, are you in any pain?”

Pain?

She took a deep breath, taking in Bella’s scent and committing it to memory before she answered in her hoarse voice, “Just my head.”

Throat too.

Edward just watched as Bella pulled back, “Did I hurt you?”

Joanna didn’t respond, and Edward abruptly got lost in the memories of pain that popped to the forefront of her mind.

Charlie reached out to her, “Joanna?”

Joanna flinched away from him, sucking in a breath that was audible to everyone in the room.

Charlie stepped back instantly, both hands up by his shoulders, and when he spoke he was much quieter, “Hey, Jojo, it’s just me. Dad. I’m not about to hurt you.”

Joanna lost it.

Heaving sobs.

And words that broke Charlie’s heart into more pieces, “I’m sorry Daddy! I’m so sorry!”

This time when Charlie approached, Joanna didn’t jerk away. Instead he held her to his chest while she cried. Renee and Bella closed in around them and Carlisle thought pointedly in Edward’s direction, ‘We should give them space.’

The two vampires stepped into the hallway. “What are you thinking, Edward?”

“She’s going to need a lot of therapy.” Edward replied dryly, attempting to hide his panic from his adoptive father.

Carlisle wasn’t fooled, “Edward?”

“She has a power.” Edward whispered, and continued in a voice too soft for a human to hear, “Astral projection. She’s been tied to Bella this whole time, only until she just woke up she thought she hallucinated it all. Vampires aren’t real, after all.”

If possible, Carlisle went paler than normal, “She knows.”

Edward nodded tightly, “But she was convinced Charlie was going to slap her, and that became a bigger threat than knowing there were two possible vampires in her room.”

“She’s more than likely been sexually abused for a decade and a half. I would find it unusual if she didn’t react negatively to the nearness of a man, regardless go his species or relationship to her.” Carlisle admonished.

“I know.” Edward told him drolly, “I’ll have to ask Bella, but I think Joanna was having an out of body experience when her heart was struggling.”

Carlisle understood, he’d seen enough humans with unpredictable powers that solidified once they were made immortal, “We will have to keep an eye on that. Her body needs time to recover, Edward. We also need to keep all of this quiet. The Volturi.”

“The Volturi.” Edward echoed.

Jasper and Alice arrived a few minutes later, and even Alice’s usually bubbly personality was subdued, “How is she?”

Edward ran a hand through his wild auburn hair, “Bella? Relieved to have her sister back. Joanna? Skittish and overwhelmed by it all.”

Jasper nodded in agreement, his face tight, “Joanna isn’t as controlled as Bella is, and even Bella is struggling to pick an emotion.”

Alice’s mouth was pressed into a thin line and Edward watched as she flicked through possible futures. She hesitated on one that showed not only Bella as a vampire, but Joanna as well, both sisters dressed in the menacing robes of the Volturi. “No.” Edward snapped.

Alice scowled defensively at him from behind Jasper’s protective shoulder, “It’s just a possibility, Edward. We wouldn’t let that happen.” She focused on another one where he and Bella were sitting together watching Joanna arm wrestle Emmett, both sisters happy and perfectly immortal. They looked so similar already, and, as immortals, those similarities were pulled together even more by their matching reddish-gold eyes. As vampires, it would be Joanna’s lighter and slightly curled hair that was the biggest difference between them. They would both be just as beautiful as they would be dangerous. Edward couldn’t stand to watch the scene unfold in Alice’s head anymore.

Sometimes he hated Alice. He loved his sister, but sometimes… She only saw the good things about being a vampire, and had a tendency to glorify their undead existence. Even Jasper’s daily struggle for control got pushed aside when she calculated her own personal opinion on the best outcome. The best outcome had always been for Bella to have children and grow old, but that wasn’t going to happen. And now her sister was possibly doomed as well.

He ruined everything he touched.

Bella exited the hospital room, her eyes bloodshot, and more than enough to distract him from his morbid thoughts. She smiled at him, brushing chocolate brown strands away from her face as she slid herself into his arms, “Charlie and Renee are heading to the house for the night.” She hesitated, her next words passing silently over her lips before she got them out, “Joanna wants to meet you all.” Bella frowned up at Edward, her chin propped on his chest, “She knew your name.”

Edward tried to give her a smile, but judging by Carlisle’s thoughts, he failed miserably, “You were right. She was in the water with you. She knows a lot more than she should considering she’s been missing for over fifteen years.”

Bella’s lower lip found its way into her mouth, “Guess that explains why she cursed and called me an idiot. Honestly not the greeting I imagined getting, but if she knows you all are…then, well…I guess that makes sense. Charlie thinks the same thing and doesn’t know the whole truth.” She smiled a little at Charlie’s pervasive disapproval of their relationship, but Edward didn’t find anything amusing about it. Charlie was right, the Swans would be better off without the Cullen’s around. Although Bella had already proved she was too stubborn, and Edward himself had proved too weak and selfish.

Charlie and Renee exited, the sheriff’s thoughts vacillating between planning the murders of faceless men and self harm. Renee’s thoughts flipped between hopeful imaginings of the future and wallowing in her own despair about losing Joanna in the first place.

Charlie suppressed a human growl when he spoke to them, “Jo’s still more stubborn than Bells. Wants to see you all when she’s scared of her own dad.” He left the curses in his head blissfully contained as he practically dragged Renee away.

The scent of fresh blood greeted them as soon as they opened the door to enter, and Bella characteristically swooned against Edward. Joanna looked over her shoulder and scowled impatiently as she held pressure on the hole her IV had once been in. “Seriously? Bella, that’s just sad.” She croaked, coughing slightly into her shoulder.

Jasper had fled instantly, but Alice remained next to Carlisle while Bella held onto Edward, “What…what are…what are you doing?”

Joanna looked down at her arm for a few seconds, as if she wasn’t sure what she’d done. She was, her thoughts were just trying to hone in on a way to explain her actions without further upsetting Bella. So she agreed with Edward on how delicate Bella was and she hadn’t been around. Maybe she would be an ally in his continued campaign for Bella to stay human.

Joanna took a sip of water from a glass Edward held out to her, reading in her mind that her sore throat needed water, “I hate needles. Too many girls in my like of work get hooked on pumping their bodies full of shit and die.”

Bella considered her sister for a moment. They all did. Awake and not crying she looked a bit less like Bella than before. She was the Rosalie to Bella’s Alice. Both stunning, but one more eye-catching than the other to everyone but the man who loved her.

Bella scowled back at her sister, “Really?”

Edward sighed knowing what Joanna was going to say before she said it. “Shit. I’m not going to lie to anyone, Bella. That’s half the truth.” Joanna confessed, her blue eyes looking over every inch of the three vampires in the room with open curiosity, “I kind of wanted to see if I’d lost my mind.” In an instant her blue eyes seemed to turn to ice, “So tell me, just how much do you want to suck my blood?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title and lyrics from 'People Like Us' by Kelly Clarkson
> 
> Kudos and Comments are always appreciated! Let me know what you think!  
> -Jenn


	7. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joanna comes to grips with her new reality.

"Wake up to a sunny day  
Not a cloud up in the sky  
And then it starts to rain  
My defenses hit the ground  
And they shatter all around  
So open and exposed

I found strength in the struggle  
Face to face with my trouble"

**July 2nd, 2006 Continued  
**

“I told you she was going to make things interesting.” The tiny female chirped, a tightness around her eyes that contrasted starkly with the bright smile on her lips.

Vampire.

She had to be one too. So did the older man standing beside her. Dr. Cullen.

“Alice.” Edward snapped.

To his credit, Dr. Cullen looked more concerned than hungry, and glided around Bella and Edward to examine Joanna’s arm, “You were in a coma for half a week, Ms. Swan. You still need the IV.”

Joanna shook her head, “No. I’ll drink whatever you want me to, but ‘m not going to be a pin cushion.” Her blue eyes flicked to Bella, “You okay?”

Bella nodded fervently, but still seemed to be the most effected person in the room by the blood that had dripped down Joanna’s arm.

“Liar.” Joanna jabbed, holding a hand out to her twin, “Sit? Promise I won’t bleed on you.”

Bella swallowed tightly, but came to her. Joanna could have cried again when Bella was by her side once more. Even the minutes with Bella just outside the room had been almost more than she could bear. Bella being close was worth the pain that shot through her body when Bella tried and failed to ease gently onto the bed. Her graceless twin struck again.

“I can’t believe you’re here.” Bella whispered.

“Me either.” Joanna whispered back, leaning into Bella’s steady heat. She locked eyes with Edward, “No one answered my question.”

Edward swallowed once, hard. “We’ve eaten recently.”

“They drink from animals, Jo.” Bella said gently, touching the ends of her hair, which were lighter than the rest, remnants of the time she’d dyed it a few years back.

Joanna closed her eyes at her sister’s confirmation, “They weren’t dreams.”

“No, they weren’t.” Edward deadpanned.

Joanna looked up into Bella’s face, “How could I possibly have seen all of these things? How could I possibly know that that boy is a vampire? That he’s almost killed you before. That you love him, and that there are far scarier creatures than these three or the monsters that hurt me out there in the shadows. How could I possibly know what the blood soaked bowels of a town in Italy look like?”

Bella blinked back tears, but held a hand out like she was telling the vampires that she would handle it. Edward looked sick, but kept his mouth shut. After giving her lower lip a good chew Bella finally answered her sister, “There are people out there with powers, Jo. I kind of have one, and we’ve met twins who both had powers. So this is maybe your power. Seeing me.”

Joanna remembered all the places she’d been though, all the people she’d seen flashes of but never known. The hundreds of places she’d apparently travelled to for split seconds when she’d felt that crawling of her skin coupled with the need to escape. “I haven’t seen just you, Bells.”

Bella looked surprised, but the vampires showed no reaction on their stoney faces.

“I don’t know.” Bella replied, frowning and biting her lip again, “There’s really not a lot of research on this stuff, Jo. They get stronger if that person turns into a vampire. Like Edward remembers being intuitive as a human, and now he reads minds. Well, apparently every mind but mine. That’s my power. My mind is like…a void.”

“And mine goes too far.” Joanna added, feeling her voice finally give out. She’d been pushing it, but her stupid throat just couldn’t go anymore. Her adrenaline fueled reprieve was over, and she dragged her eyes from Bella to Edward as all of her bravado and energy fled her.

I lied. I’ll take that IV again. 

Edward smiled in spite of himself, “Turns out she’s just as stubborn as you are, Bella. Carlisle, Joanna would like to have her IV replaced.”

For the next four days all they talked about was Joanna’s health and the Fourth of July. Not a word about powers or vampires. She had apparently responded brilliantly to the antibiotics, and her bruises had already changed colors several times and were fading. They had even taken the stitches out of her cheek. She had, however, requested to speak with the doctor alone the day before she was scheduled to be released.

He stood at the end of the bed waiting for her to finish pulling her long light brown hair into a ponytail without pulling her IVs out. She finally gave him her full attention, and he knew what she had been doing. Power. She couldn’t physically overpower him, they both knew that, but she could make him wait. She had that power. Her blue eyes on a face so much like Bella’s was unusually distracting, especially given that she moved completely different than Bella did. She may be wary of men, but anyone could tell she knew how to use her body and behavior to exert control. Catherine Walters would have been proud. Carlisle just tried not to let his face show the pity that he felt for her even being in this situation.

“I was watching when you were talking to my parents.” Joanna began, grimacing and resisting another grimace when the stitches in her lower lip pulled.

Dr. Cullen nodded in understanding, “Do you have questions?”

“About PID?” Joanna said, shaking her head, “I know what it is, what it does. I just…you say the antibiotics are helping, but…are they helping that?”

“You have extensive scar tissue that the antibiotics can do nothing about.” He told her softly.

Joanna sighed, pulling her legs up to her chest and resting her cheek on one of her knees, “I’ll live with my past for the rest of my life, won’t I? Even after all the stitches come out. I'm broken.” She sniffed hard once, refusing to cry about it taking every ounce of her courage to be as put together as she was appearing to be alone in a room with a man. Vampire or not. “At least my lady parts don’t really hurt. That’s lucky, right? I’ve known girls who offed’emselves because of the pain from PID.”

Seeming to sense her pathetic unease, Dr. Cullen took a step back from the bed she’d called home for the last week, “I think you are a very lucky young woman. Physically you’re healing exceptionally well.”

Joanna wrapped her arms around her legs tighter, “But the thing about me having scarring, not being able to have kids because of it. That hasn’t changed, has it?”

Dr. Cullen sighed so softly she wouldn’t have heard him if she hadn’t been listening so closely for his response, “I may not be practicing obstetrics, but I am very familiar with your condition.”

“Cut to the chase, Doc.” Joanna growled, needing to hear the words with her own ears, not those of her ghost self.

“Carrying a viable pregnancy to term would be nearly impossible for you.” He said bluntly.

Joanna pinched her eyes closed. For several minutes she said nothing. He didn’t even breathe. And that didn’t bother her. The reality of her situation was suddenly crushing her, and unbidden tears filled her eyes, “She could no longer borrow from the future to ease her present grief.”

Dr. Cullen appeared visibly surprised by her words, “Nathaniel Hawthorne.”

She shouldn’t have been surprised that he knew what she had been quoting, but she felt the need to qualify it, “My first owner thought it was fun to have recordings of him reading books run all the time. It was torment most of the time, but The Scarlet Letter was my favorite.”

“Your sister appreciates the classics as well.” He commented, settling against the wall in an obvious attempt to appear less threatening. The thought was appreciated, but it didn’t help.

“Yeah, she was in here earlier reading Wuthering Heights to me.” Joanna told him, even though she was pretty certain he already knew all about their macabre story time.

She had mentioned the night before to Bella that she was tired of TV, and had asked if she had any audiobooks. Bella had shown up with real books instead, and had told her about each of them with genuine excitement before asking Joanna to pick one. Bella had read until her throat had gotten scratchy and the sun had started to set, and Joanna had insisted she let Edward take her home for the night. The vampire, who had been imitating a statue on the floor by the door, had agreed heartily and had escorted Bella out. Joanna had been alone a whole two blissful minutes before her mother showed up to stay with her.

“I’m releasing you tomorrow, Joanna.” Dr. Cullen said, and she marveled that her thoughts had actually distracted her enough to let her release her knees a little bit and to be startled when he started talking again in his too perfect to be human voice, “The police are going to want to talk to you then. Charlie simply can’t delay them any longer, but perhaps Bella can bring you by our home this weekend. The rest of the family is eager to meet you.” He said it all without seeming too eager himself, and for that she was grateful. She still wasn’t as convinced by the harmless act as her sister obviously was. But maybe that was just her being unnaturally suspicious. Even Charlie had brightened every time the tiny one, Alice, had shown up to sit with them, and he seemed suspicious of pretty much everyone else who came near her.

“I’ll ask Bella.” Joanna finally responded. She was being released. She was going home. And she wasn’t the least bit ready. She would rather have gone to the police station. At least she knew what to do there. Even when she’d been Crystal she’d known what to do, what her reactions to certain situations had to be, how to take and keep control even if she knew she really didn’t have any. As Joanna Swan…she had no fucking clue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics and chapter title are from 'Broken' by Lindsey Haun.
> 
> I would love to know what you guys think!  
> -Jenn


	8. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joanna is released from the hospital and goes home for the first time in years. LOTS of Charlie fluff!

_"Settle down, it'll all be clear_   
_Don't pay no mind to the demons_   
_They fill you with fear_   
_The trouble it might drag you down_   
_If you get lost, you can always be found_

_Just know you're not alone_   
_'Cause I'm going to make this place your home"_

**July 8th, 2006**

If Joanna had to talk to another police officer she was going to scream. They had so many questions, questions she didn’t really have any fucking answers to. Charlie was trying to be patient, trying to help get answers from her while making sure she didn’t get too stressed. He hadn’t even gotten her out of the hospital before the FBI had pounced and insisted they go to the station to talk. Her father was furious about being dragged to his domain on someone else’s terms, but Joanna just wanted to get away. And he was trying so damned hard to get her out of there that she was actually even more distraught because the thought of someone being in her corner was so outlandish. Did she break away from her body? No. That would have been too damn convenient. Bella had called it a power, but what good was it when she couldn’t use it to escape all these damned questions?

‘Do you remember any names?’

‘Are you familiar with any of these faces?’

‘What states were you in and for how long?’

‘What about this tattoo of a dick on this criminals dick?’

‘Did you ever see any of these people selling drugs?’

It went on and on.

What was Bella doing? Surely having more fun than she was. Charlie had insisted Bella go home. Of course her sister had protested, but Joanna had encouraged Bella to go. Her sister didn’t need to hear any of the sordid details she’d divulged in the last five hours of discussion, even if she felt like she couldn’t really give them anything helpful. Bella didn’t need to hear about how many tricks she’d turned in a day or what drugs she’d been forced to do or the number of people she’d seen murdered.

“Alright, that’s it!” Charlie finally roared, just as Joanna finally felt herself begin to drift.

His raised voice jolted her back into her skin with a gasp.

She hadn’t even heard the question they’d asked, but, even incensed, Charlie was instantly focused on her. “Christ, Jo. I’m sorry, kiddo. Didn’t mean to startle you.”

He was such a damned good dad. Joanna shook her head dismissively, “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.” Charlie growled, turning to the agent who had been interrogating her. “My daughter and I are going home. Now.”

“Mr. Swan-” The detective began.

Charlie shook his head furiously, “It’s Chief Swan to you. My daughter hasn’t been home in over a decade and a half. Your questions can wait a few damned days. You have my number, but neither of us will speak with you for at least three days. Am I making myself clear?” The agent nodded, and he held a hand out to her. “JoJo?”

Joanna nodded, and took his hand, completely grounded again. She wasn’t unused to being led around by men, but there was something far different when it was her dad. Finally. How many times had she remembered just how warm he was, imagined what it would feel like to be curled up next to him and Bella watching a game? She held his hand tighter, following him back to his car.

Once they were settled back in the front seat he rubbed his face with his hands, sighing before looking over at her, “I should’ve protected you.”

The look in his eyes, the way he said the words… he meant so much more than just from the FBI. “I’m okay.” Joanna whispered, reaching out to take his hand again.

He just stared at her, hand clenched on the gear shift, unmoving for long enough that he looked like he would fit right in with the Cullens. A tap on the window startled them both. Carlisle.

He smiled pleasantly through the glass, and waited patiently as Charlie rolled the window down by hand, “Dr. Cullen?”

Carlisle took them both in for a split second, undoubtably realizing he had startled them, “Just checking that you two are doing well. I meant to check in before you were discharged this morning, but got caught up.”

Charlie nodded, “Taking her home. Finally.”

“Good, she needs rest.” Carlisle advised, for the hundredth time. He raised a file in his hand, “They called me in to bring my report a half hour ago. They’ve called twice since then.”

“Impatient assholes,” Charlie muttered under his breath, “Wouldn’t even let me take her home.”

Carlisle chuckled, “Possibly kismet. I believe Bella has been at your house trying to convince my Alice not to throw a welcome home party the very day you arrive home, Joanna.”

Words tumbled out of her mouth, and she wasn’t quite sure what she actually said…she really hoped her abject refusal had come across by the time she got to, “No…just no.”

“As I said, Bella is persuasive when she wants to be. I’m sure any decorations will be gone by the time you both get home.” Carlisle advised, stepping away from the car, “Rest, Joanna. Doctor’s orders.”

Joanna felt herself smile at him, grateful that his kind soul didn’t acknowledge how much of a fuck up she was, “Will do.”

He shook his head abruptly, “I almost forgot. Esme would like to invite the Swans over for dinner next weekend. She and the girls need Bella to finalize something for the wedding and thought we could make an evening of it, as a family.” Charlie looked like he would rather have run over his own foot, but he nodded in acquiescence and finally put the car in gear.

The drive was too short and too long all at the same time. What would the house feel like? Would it smell like she remembered? It couldn’t, could it? The days in her memory of Renee baking Nestle Tollhouse break and bake cookies and singing off-key in the kitchen were in the past. But what if it seemed completely foreign? What if her home didn’t feel like home anymore?

Charlie took his time walking around the car, letting her take in the sight of the Swan Residence. Then he rambled as they creeped up the front walk, both going slower than they had to, “It’s nothing fancy like the Cullen’s, but it’ll do. Have to admit it’ll be tight with three of us, you girls will be bunking in Bella’s room. At least until the wedding.” A deep sigh, “The wedding. Both my girls home, and it’s barely for a month.”

Joanna grabbed his hand before he could turn the knob she had always remembered being too high, too out of reach for her little hands to turn to let her get to her snack before Bella. She fixed Charlie with her blue eyes, and whispered, “I’m home, Daddy.”

Tears instantly filled his eyes, and he pulled her into his chest, holding her there like she were the most precious thing on the planet. “Yeah, JoJo, you’re home. Home, goddamnit.”

The door opened, and suddenly Bella was there, tripping slightly on the lip of the door as she rushed to join their hug. Joanna caught her, and the twin girls each tucked themselves into Charlie’s side, holding on to him and each other at the same time. Charlie held them both for the first time in over fifteen years, and no one thought any less of him when his shoulders shook and hot tears fell onto his girls’ dark hair as they stood together on that porch until their arms ached from holding on so tightly. He wiped his eye furiously when they finally pulled apart, the summer sun just starting to set, “I’ll…uh…let you girls settle in. Have to be hungry now, it’s been a long day, right, Jo?” He didn’t wait for her to respond, “Bells can give you the tour while I get dinner. Mushroom burgers good?”

Bella grinned at him, shaking her head at something that was lost on Joanna, “Sounds good, Charlie.” He sniffed, wiping his sleeve across his eyes again as he walked backwards down the drive, refusing to give up the sight of his girls together on the front porch of his home again any earlier than he had to. Bella took Joanna’s hand in hers, “Come on, you look exhausted.”

Joanna followed her inside, relieved that, while it wasn’t the same as it had been in her memories, it still felt…good. Charlie’s chair looked worn, the sofa looked cozy, and the kitchen looked clean despite it’s age.

“Jo?” Bella questioned when her sister lingered at the bottom of the stairs.

“I was afraid.” Joanna answered honestly.

Bella frowned, her chocolate eyes bright in the early evening light, “Of what?”

“That it wouldn’t feel like home.” Joanna told her sister, “But it does. One of these steps, it squeaks, right? Or it did?”

Bella nodded, a lopsided smile on her face, “The fifth one. I have to step over it when Charlie falls asleep watching a game unless I want to wake him up.” She held her hand out to her sister again, “Alice moved some of my stuff this afternoon, so there’s more room for us.”

“I’ve seen your room, Bella.” She faked a shiver, “I’ve seen what weirdness goes on in that bed…and what doesn’t. Seriously, Bells, you have no creativity.”

Bella scoffed, marching up the stairs and heading to her room. Joanna tiptoed up the stairs after her, and again lived the deja vu of being somewhere that her only memories remembered as visions of something unreal. But it was real. Everything she’d seen was real, right down to the dream catcher that hung on Bella’s headboard.

Charlie found them a half hour later, curled up on Bella’s bed, both fast asleep. He moved slowly so as to not make the floor boards creak and wake them, draping a blanket over the both of them, and watching from the door for a moment before whispering as he turned off the light, “Good night, girls. Sweet dreams.”

If only they had been sweet dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title and lyrics from 'Home' by Phillip Phillips
> 
> Let me know what you think!  
> -Jenn


	9. Little by Little

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Swan's spend an evening with the Cullen's.
> 
> Also, Joanna curses 1000% more than anyone in canon. (Although we all know Charlie had plenty of choice words he probably spouted 'off screen')

_"Rome wasn't built in a day_   
_It didn't happen overnight_   
_The stars didn't get to shine that way_   
_Just by turnin' on the lights_

_And I'm not any different_   
_God knows I'm not_

_Yeah, I just need a little more time_   
_To pick up the pieces so I_   
_Can put it back together, baby_   
_It could take forever but I will, I will"_

**July 15th, 2006**

Joanna jerked awake, gasping and nearly flinging poor Bella off the bed. Her twin would have hit the floor if she hadn’t grabbed her just in time, “Motherfucker!”

Bella scowled at her for her language before tenderly brushing a strand of damp hair from her face and asking, “Bad dreams again?”

Joanna let her head fall back on the pillows, “The same. You’re gone and I’m back where I was before. Typical shit.” She wished her dreams would lead her back to that forest, but they never did. Instead it was an endless stream of all the worst moments of her life all strung together. Over and over. With added terror and the occasional vampire raping and killing her. It was amazing she slept at all.

Bella didn’t need to know any of that. She had even had a short conversation with Edward where she begged him to keep anything he read from her mind away from her sister. Naturally, he had agreed. And then spent time waxing on about all the human experiences he wanted Bella to have.

“You slept longer this time.” Bella offered after a few seconds, trying to be positive.

“Yeah, guess I’ll be better rested for dinner tonight.” Joanna chuckled humorlessly, dragging her hands across her face.

When she took her hands off her face, Bella was holding a dreamcatcher above her sister’s face, “Here, a friend gave this to me, but…I think you need it more than I do.” Bella reached above her and hung the thing, tiny wolf shimmering in the early morning light, on the bedpost.

“Thanks…” Joanna drawled, struck by the oddity of her being less convinced by a dreamcatcher than with the fact that her sister was engaged to a vampire. “So fucking weird, having dinner with damn vampires. Do they even eat anything but blood?”

Sometimes Bella forgot that her sister didn’t know everything, just the dangerous parts. “No, they’ll all put on a show, but if they eat anything not blood they have to vomit it up later.”

Joanna rolled herself to face her sister, “No wonder they’re all so skinny. Bulimics.”

Bella shoved her good naturedly, “That’s not funny, Jo. Bulimia is a real issue.”

“My sister, the activist!” Joanna cried dramatically, dragging herself out of bed.

Trotting down the hallway after her sister, Bella continued to discuss chemical imbalances in the brain and all the other things she had learned for a school research project. Charlie, to his credit, barely batted an eye at their peculiar early morning conversation topic, “Morning, girls.”

Joanna kissed his cheek as she practically threw herself at the coffee maker, “Morning, Daddy.”

“Morning, Charlie.” Bella echoed, grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl.

They all stirred around the kitchen in companionable silence for a bit, broken by Charlie’s low voice, “You girls will be nineteen soon. Know it’s a couple months away. After the wedding,” He visibly choked on the word, “but I thought we could do something big. I’ve got time I can take off. Bells, maybe when you get back from…with that Edward, we could go somewhere.”

Bella shrugged, but Joanna’s mood instantly brightened at the thought, “Yes!”

Bella scowled, “Jo, you are legally dead.”

Charlie looked like he regretted opening the door to such a thing, but in the end Bella ended up taking her to start the process of getting a passport and resurrecting herself on paper. And of course, Edward came too. Joanna had discovered in her first week home that very little happened in Bella’s life without the bronze haired vampire in tow. Most of the time, she enjoyed getting to know the man who loved her sister, but he was occasionally too much, too close, and too between her and her sister. There was no doubt that she appreciated him though, when he was eloquently able to explain to the clerk why a death certificate was associated with her social security number. It had taken a while for proper calls to be made, but by the time they left Joanna was on her way to having actual identification. Provided it wasn’t delayed, she would have her passport by the time their birthday rolled around, and if they wanted to go to Timbuktu, they could.

The sense of freedom and liberation stuck with Joanna for the rest of the day. She was cheerful as she and Bella stood in the tiny bathroom they (and Charlie) shared to get ready for dinner at the Cullen’s. “This is great stuff.” She commented, gesturing to the eyeshadow palette she had in her left hand, “Really pigmented.”

Bella shrugged, “Edward’s sister Rosalie picked stuff out for you before you got home. She did cosmetics and bath supplies while Alice took care of clothes.”

“I’ll have to thank them tonight.” Joanna eyed her sister, looking at the drawer full of brand new items, “Don’t you have makeup? I haven’t seen any in our room.”

Her sister shrugged again, “I never really wear much. At least Edward doesn’t mind.”

Joanna glared at her sister, “You don’t wear makeup for men, silly. You wear it for you.”

“I don’t really… know how.” Bella admitted after a few moments. “Alice and Rosalie just usually…” She flailed her hands about, “Bella Barbie me.”

Joanna smiled broadly, there was something she could actually help her sister with. “I’ll teach you.” She was patient with her sister as she modeled how to apply various products to achieve a glowing but natural appearance, but she did her twin’s eyeliner herself, explaining, “You would want to spend all night getting the lines perfect and we would never get anywhere.”

Charlie came up to get them, “Gonna be late…” He trailed off, and stared at the two of them, “Damn. You girls keep catching me off guard like this I’m gonna have a heart attack.” Joanna chuckled, but Bella chastised him about the comment all the way to the car, filling Joanna in on what had recently happened to Harry Clearwater, one of their father’s old friends. The road flying by distracted Joanna from her sister’s soapbox, and she took stock of the last two weeks of her life.

She was home. Renee had gone home to Florida (after her first panic attack) at the combined urgings of Bella and Charlie. The panic attacks and nightmares had continued to pepper her days. Sometimes a panic attack came from nowhere and she ended up on the floor gasping. A few times she’d left herself, and been jolted back to her physical reality by Edward thumping her on her sternum to restart her heart. Bella was always pale afterwards and fretted around after her for at least three hours. Joanna’d heard Charlie talking to his friend Billy on the phone about her once, and made a promise to herself to not worry him anymore.

When they got to the Cullen’s, Joanna was struggling to keep the anxiety off of her face. Bella reached out and held her hand as they walked to the front door. “I’ve got you, Jo,” she whispered, though they both knew the Cullen’s could hear.

Warm. That was how Bella had described the vampire known as Esme, and even if she hadn’t seen the vampire before she would have recognized her from that word alone. She just glowed. Esme opened the opulent front door with a bright smile on her timeless face, and Joanna instantly wondered how anyone was stupid enough to believe that she was human or that she was the mother of teenagers…adopted or not. “I am so glad you three could make it.” Esme said in greeting, and Joanna wasn’t surprised when she gave both Swan girls brief hugs and ushered them in.

Joanna refused to let go of Bella’s hand as she took in the carefully orchestrated humanity of the decidedly inhuman family. Alice bounded forward, giving Charlie a peck on the cheek and smiling all to widely for Joanna’s tastes. “You two look amazing!” She frowned at Bella, her golden eyes narrow, “So I’ll have to wait to be your sister until you’ll let me dress you up?”

Bella laughed, shaking her head, “You tell me.”

Alice looked pensive for a second before shaking her head back, “No…we’re playing dress up after dinner tonight, I am sure.”

Charlie looked nervous. Joanna relinquished her hold on Bella and put her hand on Charlie’s shoulder, “It’s okay, Daddy. I’m fine.”

He smiled at her, “If you’re sure, Jo.” Appeased by her return smile he went into the house, joining Edward’s brothers in the living room in front of the television. Esme assured them that dinner would be ready soon and Bella led her into the room with Edward’s piano. It was better to sit and listen to him play, to see Bella content at his side, than it was to be in the living room with all the other men. They, Jasper and Emmett, gave her her space, which she could tell was inordinately difficult for the larger one, who started talking many times in a booming voice before he reigned it in. Joanna appreciated the sentiment and made it a point to try to look at him for longer than a second, even laughing at one of his jokes. After the operatic show that was dinner, they did in fact end up in Rosalie’s room trying on dresses and badgering Bella to try to make decisions about the wedding attire.

It was fun.

God was it fun. Joanna was laughing, playing around with her sister and for a split second felt like she was just a normal eighteen year old hanging out with her sister and her sister’s friends. Even though Rosalie’s slightly frosty attitude clashed a bit with the overall feeling, Joanna just didn’t care. It felt so nice, and she actually had a pleasant conversation with Rosalie about cosmetics while Alice tried several different hairstyles in Bella’s thick hair.

Joanna had declined having her hair messed with, and no one had batted an eye. She couldn’t handle people behind her yet, but it didn’t matter to the other three, it was just a fact and they all moved on.

All was blissfully well until they went downstairs to leave. Joanna heard Alice gasp a split second before a large hand clapped onto her shoulder.

Unbidden terror. All the air inside her was ripped from her lungs, and she was gone from her body before it even hit the ground.

Joanna looked around herself, taking in the sights around her, perversely knowing that with Carlisle and Edward near it would only be seconds before her spirit was jerked back into her damaged body. Maybe she could enjoy the freedom while she had the chance.

She was in a forest, deeper and darker than any she’d seen around the street of Forks, her phantom breath spread across the space before her. A mournful howl split the air, a sudden movement in the distance caught her eye, and the sound lingering in her head long after she’d been brought back to the Cullen’s foyer to the profuse apologies of Esme on behalf of poor, remorseful, overeager Emmett. Of course she forgave him, even steeling herself to comfortingly pat his insanely buff bicep, but part of her wished she’d been gone longer, that the howl didn’t just exist in memory, that she’d been able to find the source of it.

The sound stayed with her for weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title and lyrics from 'Little by Little' by Whitney Duncan.
> 
> What comments do you have?  
> -Jenn


	10. Bring On The Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger warning: There is a scene of attempted rape in this chapter. If that's too much for you, when Joanna heads into the bar, stop reading and skip to the paragraph that begins "Suddenly the taste of beer...".**

_"It's almost like the hard times circle 'round_   
_A couple drops and they all start coming down_   
_Yeah, I might feel defeated,_   
_And I might hang my head_   
_I might be barely breathing - but I'm not dead, no ('cause)_

_Tomorrow's another day_   
_And I'm thirsty anyway_   
_So bring on the rain"_

**August 7, 2006**  
Three weeks. A month. Her stitches were all out and her face was no longer mottled by varying stages of bruises. Also, it didn’t hurt to walk or piss anymore and her panic attack slash astral projection outbursts had gotten farther and farther apart. She should have been overjoyed. 

Joanna Swan had been home for a month, but the howl continued to ring in her ears. At first she had just heard it in her dreams, but now it had filtered into her waking mind, keeping her awake. So she spent a lot of time alternating between sit-ups and pushups and planks and whatever else she could do without making too much noise.

“Jo?” Bella called sleepily from their bed, her fingers stretched out to her left, seeking her twin much like she had when they were toddlers.

Joanna tried to ignore the pervasive sound as the last tones rang in her ears, “Morning, Bells.”

Bella sat up, already frowning at her, “Did you even come to bed?”

“You know, Bells, you’re gonna have to get used to sleeping alone. Your future husband doesn't sleep.” Joanna quipped, trying to distract her twin, pulling on a pair of boots Bella had given her. Well…everything she wore had been given to her by someone else. Not one thing she ’owned’ was actually hers.

Taking her twin’s prolonged silence as an indication that she was having another one of her matrimony related epiphanies, she asked, “Think we could get out and go somewhere today?”

“Like where?” Bella asked, dragging herself out of bed and towards her dresser.

Joanna shrugged, “Somewhere…not this house? We’ve watched an ungodly amount of movies in the last three days. I need sunlight, even if it’s through these awful Forks clouds.”

Bella pulled a…possibly…clean shirt over her head, “Seattle? There’s touristy stuff there that I’ve never really done, and we didn’t have time to last time with the whole passport office thing.”

“Sounds perfect!” Joanna exclaimed, looking forward to just being somewhere with her sister where she wasn’t Charlie Swan’s kidnapped daughter come home or, worse, the girl the church ladies scowled at when she walked past. Confidential statements or not, it seemed like all of Forks knew exactly who she was and what she had done. She really didn’t care, but she didn’t like listening to the negative comments that followed about Bella, and the fact that she and ‘the Cullen’ boy must have gotten pregnant to be getting married so young.

What absolute shit.

Her sister was adorably innocent and blushed every time Joanna started to give her advice on how to deal with men. Joanna had serious concerns about their wedding night that not even Alice could assuage, even though she had tried to look after being caught off guard by a raunchy comment Joanna had made while the Swan and Cullen girls were ‘out for coffee’ one overcast afternoon. Alice’s bell like laugh had startled Joanna, Bella had been bright red down to her collarbone, and stoic Rosalie had barely moved a muscle.

Bella drove, and, as usual, Edward usurped her position in the car before they even left Forks. Joanna didn’t mind though, looking down at the stain on the pants she was wearing…neither of which belonged to her. Alice, it appeared, had foreseen their trip to Seattle, and had lined up a couple of cake tastings. Joanna, naturally, over indulged on the first one and no one batted an eye when she said she was going to walk it off. Bella handed her cell phone to her sister and went back to listening to the combined visions of Alice and Baker #2. How it was happening a week before the wedding…Joanna had no idea.

Vampire? Alice seemed more like a Fairy Godmother than a vampire. It was kind of annoying and amazing all at the same time. Joanna liked her almost as much as Charlie did.

Seattle had no more sunlight than Forks did, but the sights and sounds were familiar to her as she walked, the late summer heat reminding her that Bella some how still had more summer clothes than winter. They wouldn’t be able to share clothes forever, especially not after the wedding. But nothing was Joanna’s, and there wasn’t a damned thing she could do about it. Bella had tried to get her to take the job she had left, but there were too many men and too many dark corners in the store and Joanna had hit the floor. Mike was Bella’s friend, was none too subtle about how hot he thought Joanna was, but fainting between clothes racks during an interview was never going to get her a job. That adventure had been a little too much too soon, and she’d been lucky Edward had taught Bella how to do a sternal thump to force her back.

Realistically Joanna knew the men of Forks weren’t likely to do the horrible things that had been done to her, but the fear of losing that control was too much. If someone moved too unexpectedly or touched her without her seeing it coming, her body just shut down and her soul took flight. Back to the same dark forest now. Every time.

It didn’t scare her anymore. It used to. Sure, the sound was annoying as hell with it’s insistence, but there was something beautiful about the forest that made it more alluring than the familiar metropolis. Bella was weird about the forests in Forks though, and did her best at distracting her twin as soon as possible. Joanna came to a sudden halt, earning curses from a few people behind her.

She had nothing for Bella. Her sister was getting married in a week and she didn’t have anything for her. And not a damned penny to her name to rectify the problem.

They weren’t in Forks anymore though. Joanna unbuttoned several buttons on Bella’s henley, and tucked herself into a bar a few blocks down, sliding on the armor she’d used to protect herself on good nights, nights she’d been allowed to pick the men who would use her. Methodically she sized them up, discarding several of the early drinkers as those who couldn’t even pay their bar tab, settling on a businessman sitting in the corner booth alone. “This seat taken?” She asked, smiling sweetly, “I’m Crystal”.

It took less than five minutes before they were in the narrow alleyway, her on her knees, undoing his belt and freeing his cock from his very middle-management boxers. She teased the tip for a minute before she took him in deep. He began thrusting into her mouth, his hands knotted too tightly in her hair. She worked him expertly using her hands to tease his balls and sucking on his dick like it was a lollipop. Not out of practice in the least, apparently, she was moments from having him spill inside her mouth when he yanked her up, breathless as he rasped, “Not enough. I want to come in that sweet pussy.”

Joanna grabbed at his hand in her hair, tugging uselessly, “No! That was not what we talked about.” He pressed his lips to hers, unbuttoning her jeans, ignoring her feeble struggle as her mind convinced her to give in, to go back to the forest where she would be safe, body be damned. “No!” She shrieked as he pulled her underwear to the side. The howl rang in her ears, calling her away, louder as he shoved his fingers into her, and she wanted to go.

“No. NO. NO!” He didn’t seem to care that she was dry, that she was begging him to stop, he lined himself up anyway, still kissing her protesting lips drunkenly, and Joanna was seconds from not caring at all, zseconds from being back in the forest with the howl she just knew would keep her out of harms way.

Suddenly the taste of beer fled her mouth and the pressure left her hair. Joanna jolted completely back into herself as her knees hit the ground again. Rosalie was standing in front of her, looking like some kind of goddess, scowling at the man she had seemingly tossed across the alley like a bag of trash. Her voice reverberated off the stone walls when she inhumanly uttered three words, “She said no.”

He scrambled away, tossing money out of his wallet as he fled. Joanna pulled her pants back up and sat back on her calves, staring up at the blonde goddess-like creature in front of her. “Thank you.” She whispered, unsure of what else to say when your vampire almost-sister-in-law saves you from being raped.

“He’s lucky I didn’t kill him.” Rosalie snapped, but took a deep breath before turning to face Joanna. She looked livid, but at the same time her usually emotionless face was contorted into a form Joanna hadn’t seen on her before.

“Don’t tell Bella!” Joanna rushed, horror at her actions seeping in as the ringing of the howl faded from her brain. She couldn’t go there again. The last time she had, triggered by smelling violets in Esme’s garden, she’d actually died for a few seconds. What if Rosalie hadn’t been there to save her? He could have fucked her out of her mind and left her corpse in an alley way for her sister to find. Howl be damned her ‘power’ had grown too strong for her body, and she wasn’t going to leave Bella again.

Rosalie’s reply to her request was to scoff and brush invisible dirt off the sleeve of her cream colored shirt. Joanna regarded the other woman, and felt like she should explain, or try to. She doubted the beautiful immortal would understand though. “I don’t have any money.”

“Money.” Rosalie repeated with a scoff, “It took me finding Emmett to even think about letting another man touch me, and you last a month.” Joanna opened her mouth to speak, belatedly realizing that she should probably stand up, but Rosalie kept going, “I guess I understand it though. Bella is smothering you. She is insufferable and doesn’t realize that you’ve lost the only thing you ever had that was yours.”

Joanna felt as though the vampire had punched her. The ghostly howl rang again like it knew her pain. There it was, the root of her sorrow. For most of her tormented life there had been a faint glimmer of hope that someday, just someday, she would be free of her owners who sold her body to the highest bidder, and that she would be free to live her life, to become a mother if she wanted to. That wasn’t going to happen. Carlisle had dashed that hope. Well not him, but the men who had spent fifteen years treating her like a living flesh-light.

As if she was the mindreader in the family Rosalie nodded empathetically, “It’s a loss. I’ve lived a long time, and that loss will always be with me. Bella doesn’t even realize half of it. I get it though. You lost more than just years with your family. You lost your safety, your freedom, and you can never get a future that’s truly open to whatever you want. Of course you would go back to the only thing you’ve ever had that gave you some control.” She paused for a beat, “I did too.”

“You didn’t choose this life?” Joanna asked, pieces of the puzzle in front of her coming together.

Rosalie shot her a solemn smile, “I chose revenge. I just didn’t realize what I would be giving up. We can’t have children. I will never be able to give Emmett a child.”

“I can have a man’s dick in my mouth no problem, but heaven forbid your sweet husband puts his hand on my shoulder.” Joanna replied, bringing herself to her feet so she wasn’t completely dwarfed by the gorgeous woman.

“He still feels bad about that.” Rosalie admitted, “I had taken my revenge and lived as a vampire before I met him. I was past falling apart several times a day.” They continued talking as they walked back, forming a bond neither would recognize for a while. A block away Rosalie pulled her human companion to a stop, “Bella still doesn’t realize what she’s giving up to be with my brother. I couldn’t make her see, but maybe you can get through to her.”

Joanna felt unbelievably stupid, “He’s going to turn her? Soon?”

“After the wedding.” Rosalie replied, even more shortly than usual.

“She’s not planning on coming back from the honeymoon, is she?” Rosalie shook her head, and Joanna mutely followed her back to the bakery. She thought they would have more time. It started raining when they were still a block away. Rosalie whipped out a headscarf, but Joanna just got wet.

What an absolute shit day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title and lyrics from 'Bring on the Rain' by Jo Dee Messina.
> 
> It's the end of the month, a very long month for everyone, and there's another long one coming. However, sometimes it's how we embrace the bad things that make life so much better. We will get through this, and I think that many things will be improved. At the very least we should all be a little kinder and really know who the people we can't live without are now. So I'll remind you again of a few lines of this song because I think they are relevant right now.
> 
> "I'm not gonna let it get me down  
> I'm not gonna cry  
> And I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight ('cause)
> 
> Tomorrow's another day  
> And I'm thirsty anyway  
> So bring on the rain."
> 
> Things will get better-just enjoy your time at home for now!  
> -Jenn


	11. Into the Unknown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joanna takes a bit of an adventure here and meets some new (to her) folks.

_"I can hear you but I won't_   
_Some look for trouble while others don't_   
_There's a thousand reasons I should go about my day_   
_And ignore your whispers which I wish would go away, oh Whoa_

_You're not a voice, you're just a ringing in my ear_   
_And if I heard you, which I don't, I'm spoken for I fear_   
_Everyone I've ever loved is here within these walls_   
_I'm sorry, secret siren, but I'm blocking out your calls_   
_I've had my adventure, I don't need something new_   
_I'm afraid of what I'm risking if I follow you_

_Into the unknown"_

**August 8, 2006**  
Edward joined them for breakfast. Obviously he knew what she was grappling with. Secrets weren’t a thing in his world, apparently. If only everyone was as transparent.

Joanna stared at Bella across the table, stunned by what she had just told her, “Wait, what?”

Bella shifted awkwardly in her chair, “Once we’re married, Edward is going to turn me. I won’t actually be going to school.”

“I’ve been trying to convince her to go to school for at least a semester.” Edward added.

“We can travel a bit before, you know, when Charlie thinks I’m at school.” Bella rushed.

Joanna rolled her eyes, “Jee, Bells, lying to our dad makes me feel so much better.”

Bella sighed, “Jo, Charlie can’t know about any of this…”

“I know, Bella. I may not be as smart as you, but I listen when you’re talking about fucking vampires that will kill me if they find out I know about them.” Joanna heard a car pull up outside, had to be Charlie, or at least she desperately hoped it was him, “I’m going on a walk. Charlie needs breakfast. Feed him.”

Bella reached out for Joanna, but missed. “Let her go, Bella.” Edward whispered, reading the urge to flee in Joanna’s mind. Bella had overwhelmed her, and instead of thinking the issue over, Joanna’s thoughts were focused on getting away as quickly as possible.

The woods behind their house seemed like a good enough place to start, and she strode in with a brief wave to Charlie as he ducked out of his cruiser. Nature wasn’t something Joanna was familiar with, but the howl in her head seemed to grow louder the farther she got from her home. According to the watch on her wrist -Bella’s again- it took two hours for Joanna to stop and realize she had no idea where she was or how to get home. Damn her impulsiveness. She should have stayed home and talked it out, not wandered off goaded by a damn voice...howl...thing in her head.

“Shit.” She sat on a log and looked around. She wasn’t worried. It was beautiful, not a bad place to be lost, and, as much as he annoyed her, Edward would find her. But damn, he was going to kill her sister. By the time Bella could be around her, she would probably look more like Renee than her forever young twin.

A howl shook her out of her thoughts.

This howl wasn’t in her head.

Her brain balked at the new input. The sun was shining, it wasn’t even noon. There should not be a wolf- or coyote or whatever other four-legged things that lived in woods- making any noise. Right?

Another howl answered the first, and Joanna popped up from her log, heading back towards the direction she thought she had come from. She was not going to get eaten. Charlie would never forgive her.

Another howl, closer. She sped up, stumbling over limbs and vines, the sneakers on her feet not made for the gauntlet she was putting them through. Not to mention the fact that her body was used to a much different kind of exertion.

The howl in her head suddenly returned, having been quiet during her mad dash, pleading and mournful and calling to her in ways she couldn’t abide by. As the howls in the real world got closer, the one in her brain got even louder, more insistent, as if the creature wanted her to come to it. She would not listen to the howl in her head. That would be admitting that it existed at all, and she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t keep going back to it, to the forest far away. She needed to be here, to be with Bella for every minutes had left.

Dizzy from the dueling sounds, Joanna did more than stumble, careening against a tree, bouncing off to one side of it, tripping again, and tumbling down into a ravine. Pain shot through her right thigh moments before her head cracked against the ground.

She had lasted a day without letting her soul loose, but as she struggled to stay in control she felt the howl calling her away to places unknown. Damnit, she couldn’t leave Bella, not when they barely had any time left as it was. She couldn’t waste any time. Her stubborn nature won out. 

Joanna lay on the ground for a while, getting herself back together, staring up at the sun long enough to see a definite difference in where it was. The howl never ceased it’s plaintive call. She sat up and felt a bit dizzy but it faded quickly and let her take stock of herself. Her leg was still bleeding, but a quick run of her fingers through her hair didn’t reveal anything but a nice bump forming above her ear. Bumps were fine, she’d learned that long ago. It was when a blow to the head didn’t form a bump that had had girls go to sleep and never wake up again. Her head might hurt for a while, but she would live…probably…most likely.

Dragging herself to her feet took a second, but the howl changed, like it was pleased with her progress. “Shut the hell up.” Joanna groaned, she had enough going on in her life without a weird voice/howl giving her an ‘atta-girl. Naturally, she followed the sound after that, limping along and making sure to be more careful. Her luck would not be as good with a second tumble.

Her howl was happy, continuing to draw her away from the real howls. Damn, she didn’t want to be right. All the howling stopped when she stepped into a clearing full of people. Every single one of them paused what they were doing to stare at her.

And with her fair skin, she stuck out something awful. There was no chance of hiding how her face flushed instantly in embarrassment.

“Joanna?” A man in a wheelchair asked, wheeling closer. “Joanna Swan?”

Joanna nodded, her head regretting the motion, “Yeah, yup, that’s me.”

The man in the wheelchair let out a sigh of relief, “Your father just called, asked us to start searching the woods.”

“Here I am!” She said, laughing awkwardly. This had to be Billy, Charlie’s best friend. She’d heard he’d been to visit in the hospital while she’d been unconscious, but he had been busy looking for his runaway son since she’d come home. She had walked from Forks to the Reservation. No wonder they were all looking at her like she was insane. “You know, I had a nice walk, didn’t get eaten by all those wolves I kept hearing, and made it to you guys. Would someone be willing to drive me home?”

“Wolves?” Billy asked, looking into the woods behind her, “You must have bumped your head.”

Joanna stared at him quizzically, “Yeah, I did, but I heard howls.” If this was the reaction she was getting she was definitely not going to mention the howl she’d heard in her head to anyone.

Billy laughed, but she’d been around enough shady types that she could tell it wasn’t genuine. “We’d better get you back to Charlie.”

“I’ll take her.” A male voice said from behind her, sending a shiver down her spine and a possessive howl through her head. Shit, she was really losing her mind, giving thought to what the damned howls sounded like. Edward would have a field day if she slipped while around him. Although maybe he would hear it too. Joanna sighed. She’d have to make it back first.

“Sam, that’s not a good idea.” Billy cautioned.

Joanna arched an eyebrow, “I swear I don’t bite. No matter what Charlie may have said.”

“Your father loves you.” Billy snapped harshly, “It’s just not a good idea for Sam to go to Forks.”

Joanna judged the stacked unexplainably half naked man, “More of a reputation than me? Man, maybe I should get out more often.”

Sam scowled at her, “No, you are not welcome on our lands.”

Joanna’s playful mood died, “Well, you’re not as attractive as you seem to think you are. Put some goddamned clothes on and it might make your attitude better. Might.”

Sam actually growled at her.

Joanna burst into a fit of giggles, “Shit, you are something. Here I thought I was insane. You’re just straight up growling at people.”

A boy a few years younger than Joanna walked forward from the woman who had to be his mother, who had been arranging a tray of food before Joanna had crashed their party. His face instantly reminded her of those who had always tried to appease their pimps so someone else wouldn’t get hurt. He thought she was in danger from Sam, and Joanna took a step towards the kid before he even spoke. “Come on, Sam, she’s Bella’s sister. Bella used to hang here all the time and it wasn’t a big deal.”

Joanna interrupted before anyone could start a fight, as Sam looked completely ready to strangle the kid. “I’m sorry. That was too much. I’m sorry. For real, does anyone have a phone? I can just call Bella to meet me on the highway or something. I don’t want to put anyone out.”

The woman who belonged to the teenager approached her, “I’m Sue Clearwater, I’ll drive you home. I made an extra casserole for your father I have been meaning to take him.” She turned to her son, “Seth, would you go into the house and grab that frozen casserole I set out?” He nodded and scampered off, moving too much like a kid for how mature he looked physically. Sue put a hand on Joanna’s arm, “Let’s wait in the car, you look like you could use a rest.”

Joanna followed obediently, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling that she was more than not welcome, and that they wanted her gone more than she wanted to be gone. Sue was pleasant enough though, keeping up conversation as she drove back to Forks, talking about how she had been worried about what Charlie would do with Bella off at school, and that she was grateful he would have Joanna around for a bit.

“I’m glad to be home too.” Joanna told her honestly, “My walk just got out of hand. I’ve been dreaming about forests, and, living in one, it seemed like a good idea. Do the forests ever get like…thicker?”

Sue shook her head, “Pretty uniform. You would have to go farther north for the trees to get too much different.”

Joanna watched the trees flash by the window. The farther south they went the more mournful the howl in her head became. He hadn’t been leading her to people, had he? He had wanted her to go farther. Farther away from Bella and Charlie. Closer to him. She had to stop listening to that damned call. At least until Bella was away on her honeymoon. Then she would have some time to figure out what the persistent thing really wanted.

Charlie yanked Joanna into his arms the second she climbed out of Sue’s car, “JoJo, do not scare us like that. Bells has been beside herself.”

“I’m sorry, Daddy.” Joanna apologized, moving from his arms so Sue could hand over her casserole and they could talk. Bella was standing next to Edward, who looked personally offended by her approach. Whatever, Douchward. The thought was definitely received and he smiled knowingly, heading back to the house. Joanna took in her sister, and wiped at her face carefully, “Hey, you can’t be crying. You’re getting married in like four days. I went on a walk and got lost. Happens to people all the time.”

Bella sniffed, “I know. The Cullens’ went looking. They smelled your blood.”

Joanna shrugged, “I banged my head and scratched my leg.” She narrowed her eyes at Edward as he approached with a first-aid kit, “Why didn’t one of you find my stupid ass then? Would have actually been less awkward than the neighborhood gathering I crashed.”

“It would have involved a lot more blood.” Edward drawled, probing her head with his icy fingers, making her wince. Asshole. “We can’t go onto their land.”

Joanna widened her eyes in understanding, “Oooh, WE…wait, why not?” Bella just bit her lip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title and song lyrics from 'Into the Unkown' from Frozen 2. (This is the first of at least three songs from that movie that will be chapter titles for this story.)
> 
> Questions? Comments? Concerns?  
> -Jenn


	12. So Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The evening before Bella and Edward's wedding! Bella makes a decision and Joanna tries new things. We are officially in Breaking Dawn territory!

_"Open up my heart like a shotgun_   
_Blinded by the light of a new sun_   
_Get up, get up, get out and get done_   
_For the first time I feel like someone_   
_Breaking down the walls in my own mind_   
_Keeping my faith for the bad times_   
_Get up, get up, stand like a champion_   
_Take it to the world_   
_Gonna sing it like an anthem_

_Hey hey-ey-ey (hey)_   
_Hey hey-ey-ey_   
_I'm so alive, I'm so alive, I'm so alive (hey)"_

**August 12th, 2006**  
“I still can’t believe you didn’t lead with werewolves.” Joanna said, laying on the bed she shared with her twin.

Bella scoffed, “You kind of led with vampires yourself. You know, taunting them with blood.”

Joanna laughed, rolling until she was on top of her twin, kissing Bella on the forehead before rolling off her, “I know, Bells, but I still can’t believe I didn’t realize those wolves in a few of my visions could turn in to people. Especially hot people.” She sighed, “That Sam was an ass, but I for one can appreciate a stacked man. Edward, I mean, he may look like he’s smelled shit half the time, but he is pretty. Almost too pretty. Too pretty for my tastes. Not that you two don’t look stunning together.”

“I love Edward, Jo.” Bella groaned.

Joanna elbowed her, “I know! It’s disgusting, you two and all your…you-ness.” She stared at her sister’s fair profile, “You’re gonna be beautiful tomorrow.”

Bella covered her face with her hands, “I’m going to make a fool of myself.”

“Nah, that’ll be me.” Joanna was sure about it. She had a gash in her leg from her ill-advised hike that Dr. Cullen was treating as an open wound, and there was the fact that she still couldn’t handle men being too close. The wedding might more than she could handle. But she was going to do her best, for Bella.

Bella tangled their legs together and propped her chin on Joanna’s shoulder, “You don’t have to come, Jo. I’ll understand. The Cullen’s will too.”

Joanna rolled her eyes, “Uh, no. I’ll be there. I’m not missing one more minute with you.”

A smile tugged at the edges of Bella’s lips, “About that. I’ve…made a decision.”

That had Joanna’s full attention, “And…?”

Bella grinned at her, “I want us to spend more time together too. I’m going to wait. I want us to have some human memories together: Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, summer vacations. So, I’m going to wait a year. Edward and I are going to take a trip to celebrate our first anniversary, and…we won’t come back to Forks.”

Joanna didn’t know wether to laugh or cry. She settled for wrapping her arms around Bella and squeezing the shit out of her sister. “Damn, Bells. That’s the best thing I’ve heard in weeks. You didn’t have to get me a wedding present! You’re the bride!” She absolutely did not cry.

A whole year! She was still grinning like an idiot as Charlie drove them to the Cullen’s for final fittings (Bella was avoiding driving the bad-ass car Edward had bought for her). On the way, Bella called Seth Clearwater, a werewolf, to check on Jacob: a missing werewolf who was in love with her sister. But apparently he hadn’t ‘imprinted’ on her so it would never have really worked out even if Bella didn’t love Edward so much. The whole thing was wild. Joanna had spent the last three days fixated on learning as much as she could about them.

Bella hung up her phone and sighed heavily, thumping her head against the headrest. “Still nothing?” Charlie asked.

Bella shook her head, “No.” Her voice cracked a bit, and Joanna buried herself as closely into her sisters side as her seatbelt allowed, “I really wanted him to come back, to be here tomorrow. God, I just want him and Edward to get along.”

Joanna and Charlie groaned in unison, both chuckling at their similarities before Joanna consoled her sister, “Bells, I’ve never met Jacob, but I can tell you they probably won’t ever get along. Men don’t like to know they’re sharing.”

Bella cracked her head against Joanna’s, “You know I don’t feel that way about Jacob.”

The car screeched to a halt, and Charlie was out as soon as he could be. Girl-talk was not his thing. And he was still bitter about Bella choosing Edward. Joanna and Bella piled out in their own time, but Edward was there with a broad smile on his stupid Roman-Greco angelic face that couldn’t be dampened by the way Joanna was scowling at him for how obvious it was he had read her mind a knew about Bella’s new decision.

The couple went to spend some time alone after another finely orchestrated lunch, Carlisle checked on her leg before joining Charlie and Emmett in front of the tv, and Joanna found herself sitting on their picturesque patio, staring out at the forest her sister had disappeared in to. Jasper had been there first, but he hadn’t said anything so she’d just sat. Sure it was his house, but if he had a problem he could leave or say something. They were about to be in-laws after all. “No one has had to resuscitate you recently.” He finally drawled.

Joanna scoffed, giving him a wry look, “If you think five days counts as recently. Thank you for calming Bella down when we got here, by the way.” She turned to him more fully, “Speaking of. I’ve asked Edward and Alice, but…what does your power feel like? I’m trying to figure out if I can get more control over myself.”

He considered her for a moment, not breathing once. “It’s hard to explain. I feel the emotions of those around me, and if I want to, I can change how they feel chemically.”

Joanna nodded, “So…that doesn’t really help me.”

She may have gotten a tiny smile from him. He moved parallel to her, but kept the same distance between them, “What are you thinking before you get booted from your body?”

“I’m afraid.” His expression told her he already knew that, his silence told her to keep talking, “I’m afraid, and I want to get away…I want to get away. I want to leave, and…I do.”

There was a tiny smile on his face, “There you have it.”

Joanna rolled her shoulders, “If you wouldn’t mind, I think I’m going to try a little experiment.”

“I’m not a doctor.”

“So? You can still whack me or get someone else to quicker than it would take me to croak. I feel pretty safe. Just don’t let Charlie see please.” It had taken a bit, but she wasn’t as skittish around the Cullen’s anymore. In fact, she would say she was more comfortable with Jasper than he was with her.

Joanna closed her eyes. If she could leave her body intentionally, then maybe that would help keep her in her body when she didn’t want to leave. Intention. What did she want? She wasn’t afraid, there was no terror making her heart beat irregularly, but she did want to be elsewhere, didn’t she? The creature that called to her. She’d sworn to herself not to listen anymore, at least not until Bella was away, but… it took that opportunity to howl.

Joanna’s eyes flew open. No. She couldn’t do it.

Jasper was frowning at her, “What scared you?”

“I…nothing. I’m fine.” She told him, closing her eyes again. This time she tuned out the creature and focused on where she had most frequently gone before. Bella.

She wanted to be with her sister.

She needed to be with her sister.

Her sister was somewhere in the forest. With Edward.

It felt like a rubber band popped inside of her, and Joanna’s eyes flew open.

Bella and Edward sat in a meadow before her, completely enraptured with one another as they kissed softly and Edward played absently with Bella’s hair. When he made her stop to breath a moment later, Bella’s eyes found her sister. Concern flooded her face, “Jo?”

Edward’s head snapped her direction, “Joanna?”

No one but Bella had ever seen her before. Joy filled her, and she shrieked, “I did it!”

She felt a hand on her shoulder and jolted back into her body as quickly as she had left it.

Jasper looked concerned, but must have sensed her excitement. Alice skid onto the patio, “Joanna! You scared Edward and Bella half to death!”

The couple appeared out of the woods a moment later, Bella looking a bit windblown and Edward more than irritated. Jasper called to Emmett and looped an arm around Edward, pulling him away, “Come on, brother. We’ve got a bachelor party.”

“Bella, I did it!” Joanna repeated, embracing her twin. “And no one had to hurt me!”

Bella gave her a bemused smile, “I saw.” She seemed to understand what a victory it was though, and they stood there for a while, long enough for Emmett’s whoots of excitement to fade into the void of the forest. They went home a short time later, both with strict instructions from Alice on how Bella was to spend her last night as a single lady.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title and lyrics from 'So Alive' by the Goo Goo Dolls.
> 
> Unfortunately we have already caught up to my ff.net posting! I can't promise the wedding chapter will be ready tomorrow, but your comments sure could help!
> 
> Let me know what you think!  
> -Jenn


	13. Love Is a Beautiful Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward and Bella tie the knot!

_"When the angels gather_   
_And the music plays_   
_And the preacher gets to preachin' all the "do you take's"_   
_Love is a beautiful thing_   
_Throw the rice in the air_   
_Let the church bells ring_   
_Tie the cans to the back of that limousine_   
_Love_   
_Two people in love is a beautiful thing"_

**August 13, 2006**  
“You look amazing, Bella.” Joanna whispered, gingerly hugging her younger sister.

Bella tried to smile, but part of her wanted to let nerves win and to burst into tears. “Are you okay with this?”

Joanna smiled at her, laughing softly, “Of course I am! God, all I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy.” Joanna stepped back, shaking her head, “Alice is damned good at what she does, that dress is incredible.”

“Thank you!” Alice chimed, zipping around the room and thrusting a garment bag at Joanna, “You need to get dressed too! Then we’ll get Bella in her dress!”

Joanna grimaced, “Okay, but I’ve got to do it on my own, and I’ll really have to do my own makeup. I just can’t…” She trailed off, looking uneasy. Being in a room with them was fine, but touching for an extended time…she just wasn’t sure and she didn’t want to mess up her sister’s big day by having a relapse. She’d already done her own hair while they’d been fussing with Bella’s face and hair. It had been her poor sister who’d had a nightmare for a change, and Joanna felt like she’d spent all morning trying to shake her sister back into reality. Her efforts had paid off, apparently, cause Bella was back to adorably mothering her.

Bella took her sister’s hand in hers, “Hey, you don’t have to explain yourself to us.”

Joanna smiled, shaking the bag as she walked away, “Here I go, off into the dressing room to dress myself because I’m a big girl, and I’m going to my sister’s wedding!”

Rosalie had a pissy look on her face, “She’s going to lose it, and if she does it during the wedding, I might kill her.”

Alice hummed in disagreement, “It’s bad form to kill the bride’s sister on her wedding day.”

“You think she’s going to lose it?” Bella asked, concerned. “She was so excited last night.”

Rosalie stared evenly at her, “Unlike the rest of you, I can imagine a fraction of what she’s feeling. There’s a reason she’s freaking Jasper out half the time. I think last night was the first time he’s been able to stay in the same room with her. Renee.” She said the name a split second before the woman showed up.

“Oh, Bella! My baby girl! You look gorgeous!” Renee squealed, hugging Bella tightly.

“Careful!” Alice gasped, gently pulling Renee off her daughter, “You’ll smudge my masterpiece!”

Renee jumped back, “I’m sorry! I just got so excited!” She looked around, “Where’s Joanie?”

“Right here, Mom.” Joanna said nervously from the doorway, just behind Bella, sidling up to her.

Renee looked at the both of them, and looked like she might burst into tears at a moments notice, “You’re both so beautiful.” Joanna ducked her head into Bella’s shoulder, Bella leaned her cheek onto Joanna’s head, and they heard a camera click. They both looked up to see Renee with a disposable camera, “Sorry, couldn’t help myself.”

Joanna chuckled, “Well, neither of us are comfortable with stuff like that. You know, compliments.” She looked at Bella with an exaggerated expression, “Guess we’re gonna have to suck it up for the day. Cause we do both look fine.”

Bella thumped her head against Joanna’s, “I love you.”

Joanna smiled, giving her sister a gentle squeeze, “Come on, he’s not going to want to wait forever, we need to get your pretty ass out there before he sends Emmett up to drag you out.”

“No one will be dragging my daughter any where she doesn’t want to go.” Charlie growled from the doorway.

“Daddy!” Joanna shrieked, clinging to him. They’d had to leave before he’d gotten up, and Joanna knew he was going to need all the emotional support she could give him. Channeling Alice’s pep seemed like the best plan.

Charlie chuckled, “JoJo, you look amazing. Bella picked a good color to stick you girls in.”

“Alice picked it.” Rosalie, Bella, Joanna, and Rosalie said in unison.

Alice huffed, “Yes, and it’s fabulous, even Charlie says so.” She danced up to Charlie, kissing his cheek, “You look handsome!”

He blushed, “Thank you, Alice.” He reached to ruffled Joanna’s hair, but noticed the pins she’d put it in, “That’s a pretty fancy thing you’ve got going on, Joanie.”

She blushed, looking far too much like Charlie, “Not as elaborate as Bella’s.” She’s been sure of that, leaving most of her hair down and simply braiding some of it down the frame of her face before tucking it back to keep her hair out of her eyes. Alice had modeled her dress after Bella’s, and she’d decided to do the same with her hair. Joanna couldn’t have loved Alice more because the fashionista had broken with her favored thigh exposing gowns and made Joanna’s floor length. She’d been anxious about wearing the dress until Alice had assured her that no one would be able to see her bandaged thigh, or be able to tell it was bandaged at all. She was right, and as Joanna looked herself over in the mirror, she almost felt normal.

Renee came up beside her and rubbed her hands up and down Joanna’s arms, “How are you feeling, baby?”

Joanna leaned into her mother, watching Alice usher Charlie out so they could get Bella dressed, “She’s going to be breathtaking today. And we’re all together. I feel perfect today.”

Rosalie came to stand next to them, sniffing slightly, “We need to change your bandages before the ceremony. Carlisle won’t have time.”

Renee had not been pleased to find out about her forest adventure. She had almost been motherly as she had scolded Joanna about being more careful in the future. Her biggest issue though, had been that Joanna hadn’t had sunscreen. Bella had barely kept a smile off her face while Renee had lectured Joanna about how even if she tanned and looked great now, she was still damaging her skin. Then she’d lectured Bella for being so pale. Was she eating enough?

Joanna nodded at Rosalie, and followed the statuesque woman into one of the other bedrooms. Renee had wanted a minute with Bella anyway. “Thank you, Rosalie.” She said as Rosalie wrapped fresh gauze around the weeping gash on her leg.

Rosalie smiled ever so slightly at her, “You’re welcome. Are you really feeling okay?”

“I am, Rosalie. I know it’s only been six weeks, but I almost feel like I know what I’m doing already. I’m living with Charlie, I’m getting healthier, I might possibly let a man who’s not family or a vampire near me in the next ten years, and I used my ability willingly without stopping my heart. Things are looking up!” Joanna was desperately trying to shake off her nerves.

“Bella won’t mind if you can’t make it through the whole thing tonight.” Rosalie told her brusquely.

“I know. She’s already told me.” Joanna said softly, “But I want to. I scared the shit out of her last week.”

“You convinced her to stay human longer.” Rosalie told her, suddenly feeling the need to adjust Joanna’s hair, mussed by the overzealous Renee, “That’s more than the rest of us have gotten her to do.”

An odd mixture of pride and guilt swept over her, “Yeah, but only because she was terrified because I got my damned self lost.”

“It worked.” Rosalie whispered hollowly, “Edward’s thrilled.”

“He loves her. We understand each other, and we both understand her. She’s never going to give it up, and I think her delay for me will be the last one.” Joanna said with a sigh, “The idiot would throw herself off a cliff again just to make him turn her.”

That got another smile from Rosalie, “I do appreciate that you also understand how much of an idiot she is. Everyone else is too dazzled by her to see that.”

“I’m her sister. I’m supposed to think she’s an idiot, and love her for it anyway.” Joanna explained, standing back up now that Rosalie seemed content with her hair. Joanna smiled at Rosalie, “We ready to go stand there and look gorgeous? Alice is the Maid of Honor, she’s the one that gets to do all the hard work.”

Rosalie looked her over critically, “You’re alright, and, yes, let’s go stand there and look gorgeous. We’ll have to drag Alice away or she won’t let Charlie walk Bella down the aisle alone.”

It was then that Joanna actually realized that Rosalie had fixed her hair, and she hadn’t freaked out about it. She reached out to put a hand on Rosalie’s cold arm, “Hey, thank you. For the alley, the hair, and for talking to me. I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

“You being okay is important to Bella.” Rosalie replied cooly, “She won’t truly join the family until you’re okay, and the longer that takes, the more she’s hurting Edward, even if he thinks it’s what he wants.” Her eyes softened infintismally, “You’re welcome. Come find me if you need a breather and we can make a show of a stereotypical girl restroom break.”

“Hopefully I don’t need to, but I appreciate the offer. My goal tonight is to not temporarily drop dead at my sister’s wedding.” Joanna chirped, facing the other woman and adjusting one wayward curl, “There. Perfect. You’re right, we just get to look pretty, and I am ready.”

She was not quite ready. Extended family members swarmed her in the foyer and Rosalie had to strong arm her away from a great aunt, snapping at everyone to go outside and take their seats. Her heart was racing, but she kept it together, composing herself enough that, when she walked down the aisle with Renee, she felt powerful

The ceremony was beautiful, but Joanna stuck to their parents as they headed to the reception, which had mostly been planned so the other vampires in attendance wouldn't pay her more attention than necessary. Renee fended people off with flighty comments while Charlie put them off with the unseemly amount of alcohol he was consoling himself with. While Edward and Bella shared their first dance, Charlie put an arm around Joanna’s shoulder, trying really hard not to slur his words, “JoJo, you are not getting married…ever. I’d have to drink myself into a coma if you did.”

“Okay, Daddy.” Joanna laughed, but inside…there was no way she was ever going to get married. There were exactly five men she could stand looking at her or being near her, her father and the four Cullen men, and even then, she and Jasper had only just found a semblance of peace and Emmett’s boisterous personality had her on edge more than he deserved. Marriage was out of the question, completely off the table for the foreseeable future.

Seth Clearwater, a damned werewolf, came up to them once the dance floor opened up and the couple exited for a moment, “Hey, Joanna. You ah…wanna dance?”

“You’re too young for her.” Charlie barked.

The kid’s eyes went comically wide, and Joanna frowned at her dad, “Daddy. It’s a wedding. Pretty sure people dance. Don’t make it weird.” She plopped her glass of water in front of him, “You need this more than me right now. It needs to be empty before I get back.”

He kept grumbling, but Joanna made a promise to herself to get out there and live in the moment. She had made a huge breakthrough with her power, why couldn’t she have one with her mental issues too?

“I’d love to, Seth.” She told him, smiling and taking the hand he’d offered when he’d approached and been too afraid to move.

The howling in her head roared back with enough force to make her gasp and stumble a bit. Seth leaned back in to her to keep her upright, “Woah, you okay?”

She recovered quickly, noticing Rosalie drift away from a conversation she’d been having with another blonde vampire, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just stood up too fast. Heels, dresses, they look great, but they’re murder.” She kicked off her shoes and sat them under her seat, “There, let’s go!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title and lyrics from 'Love Is a Beautiful Thing' by Phil Vassar.
> 
> I'm kind of digging how the friendship between Joanna and Rosalie is going! It was not originally in the plans!
> 
> What do you think?  
> -Jenn


	14. Inner Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward and Bella are off on their honeymoon, Joanna has a startling nightmare, and the Cullen's bond with their new sister's sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sooo sorry it's been so long! I am a teacher, and this whole COVID business has taken more of a mental toll on me than I'd expected. In return, this chapter is suuper long.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: There is a scene of an intentional man vs. semi truck meeting in this chapter.
> 
> Also, I refuse to believe Bella would give up on her truck...so it is still kicking in this fic.
> 
> Enjoy!

_They say don't let them in_  
_Close your eyes and clear your thoughts again_  
_But when I'm all alone, they show up on their own_  
_'Cause inner demons fight their battles with fire_  
_Inner demons don't play by the rules_  
_They say "Just push them down, just fight them harder_  
_Why would you give up on it so soon?"_

_So angels, angels please just keep on fighting_  
_Angels don't give up on me today_  
_'Cause the demons they are there, they just keep biting_  
_'Cause inner demons just won't go away_

**August 14th, 2006**

For a brief moment during her dance with Seth, Joanna had felt a pull to Bella, and Seth had cut out mid song only for Bella to reappear on the dance floor looking upset. Joanna had gone to her, and all Bella had told her was that she’d had a dance with Jake. It apparently hadn’t gone super well, but by the time their song ended and it was time for the father/daughter dance, Bella seemed better.

When she’d walked out with Edward, just after midnight, she had looked radiant once more. 

Completely in love.

Joanna couldn't remember smiling more widely in her life.

Joanna spent most of the next day nursing Charlie’s hangover and watching rom-coms with Renee between naps. It was the kind of a perfect day that lasted for two. Besides the lack of her twin, it all felt completely normal, like they were days Joanna might've lived if she’d never been kidnapped and whored out. It was pretty damned nice.

That night was a little different.

In her dream she came to awareness standing on the side of a highway, her bare feet protesting at the damp ground squishing under her toes, the tall trees of the forest swaying in a slight breeze. She recognized the dented road sign in front of her. She knew this road. It was the same one they’d taken on their drive to Seattle. She remembered because she had daydreamed that a vampire had used it for target practice. What would it feel like to be that strong?

Her wolf was silent, but, somehow, she knew he was there. He’d sounded so sad the last time she’d heard him. Something moved behind her, making noise against the asphalt. She turned around, the tendrils of early morning light bringing just enough light to illuminate a figure several yards down the side of the road.

A man, shirtless, muscles corded across his broad back, which was shaking like he was freezing to death. That didn’t make sense though. It was August, warm in spite of the early hour. Just like the road beyond them, the man was wet, and Joanna found herself momentarily entranced by a drop of water that ran from his short dark hair, down his neck, snaking across the muscles of his back, evaporating just shy of the waistband of his pants. She wanted to follow its path with more than just her eyes.

The lewd thought was not that unwanted, she realized with all the surprise that one usually found in dreams. She’d half thought she’d never want a man. Good on her for having her first wet dream. The wedding must have had more of an effect on her than she’d thought. She couldn’t very well be a nun if the sight of a dew drop dripping down, admittedly the most perfect back she’d ever seen, had her weak at the knees. God, what would that look like without the black dress pants that hung low on his hips. Damn, why couldn’t he just turn around?

“Hey there.” Joanna called, taking a step towards the road, vaguely noting that she was wearing a set of Bella’s old T-shirt and shorts. Not exactly sexy dream garb. Shame.

He didn’t hear her. Either that, or he was ignoring her. Typical. Why would she dream of a sexy man who wasn’t an asshole?

He stepped into the road, the water on his skin appearing to evaporate in the shimmery light.

A chill went down Joanna’s spine. Why was he ignoring her? This was her dream. Shouldn’t she have some control it? Something was not right. The sun broke over the tree tops, making his chestnut skin glow, distracting her again. His hair was black, but it caught every color of the rainbow. He was otherworldly, and she was still looking at his back.

“Okay, damnit. It’s really no fun if I can’t see his face. Come on, brain.” Great, now she was talking to her own damned self. She stalked up to the road, coming up behind him.

Her hand had almost touched his back when she realized she was not in a dream. A semi truck was hurtling down the road towards them. Joanna looked over her shoulder, towards the rising sun. At this angle, it was blinding. “He can’t see us, we need to move.” She put a hand on his shoulder.

Warmth seared through her hand, and it passed right through him. “No!” Terror bubbled to the surface, breaking through the last tendrils of sleep that had kept her calm. She reached for him again to no avail. In a desperate attempt to move him, she threw herself at his back. She had just passed through his body when the truck slammed into them both.

Everything exploded. Blood and bone. Screeching tires, a cry of pain, a long lingering howl that ended in defeat. 

Joanna woke up screaming.

Charlie was at her side in an instant, pulling her into his arms and rocking her as she cried, “Jo, I’m here. I’ve got you. It was just a dream. You’re safe.” He started asking questions when she began to calm down. “What’d you see, Jo? No one is going to hurt you again.”

Joanna didn’t answer for a long time, and he didn’t press. “I saw a guy kill himself.” She finally answered in a whisper.

“I’m sure you saw a lot of terrible things, Jo. I’m sorry.” He was trying to comfort her.

“No, my dream. I saw a man I didn’t know kill himself. On the road heading to Seattle. He stood in front of a semi at sunrise.” Joanna buried her fingers in her hair, trying to pull herself together. 

“Not gonna say that’s unfamiliar, but it was just a nightmare.” He rubbed her back, “Maybe you heard someone talking about Harvey Dentry’s kid at the wedding. He did that a few years back.”

She didn’t buy it, but she nodded. He was trying, and he knew nothing of the world his daughters both lived in. “Yeah, maybe.”

Charlie handed her a tissue, “It’s early still, you should sleep for a few more hours. I don't go back in to work until this afternoon.”

Joanna stared at the dawn light breaking through the windows. She didn’t want to be alone, “Stay, Daddy?”

His mustache twitched, and he nodded, “Okay, JoJo.”

He held her for a while, falling asleep himself, but before long they both left the room to go about their day. Renee had obviously not heard a thing. Charlie didn’t mention their morning wake up, and she loved him even more for it. But damn if she didn’t feel like she hadn’t slept at all. She was entertaining a nap until Renee emerged from Charlie’s room, but the doorbell rang.

Alice was standing on the porch, looking perfectly adorable as usual, a still steaming cup of coffee in her hand, “Good morning!”

Joanna grabbed the cup without even bothering to pretend to ask, “You’re amazing.”

Alice smiled knowingly, and bounced into the house, “Good morning, Charlie!”

Charlie smiled fondly at her, “Hey there, Alice.” He brushed a whiskery kiss to the side of Joanna’s head, “You okay, Jo?”

Finishing a long sip of coffee, Joanna nodded, “All good, Daddy.”

He looked between the two. “What you girls got planned today?”

“We’re going shopping! Jo here is in need of picking out her own clothes for a change. Now that she’s better and the wedding has been handled, it’s far past time.” Alice was way more excited than Joanna could handle without more coffee, but it sounded great. Charlie looked less enthused, making his exit for the day.

“Oh! That sounds like fun!” Renee called from the stairs.

Alice was still fucking smiling. “Esme’s waiting in the car, I thought we could spend a little mother-daughter time before you have to leave tomorrow morning.”

Renee danced towards Alice and hugged her briefly, “I love that idea! Just let me run back up and grab my backpack! Fun!!”

Joanna fixed Alice with a level stare, “I’m not sure if I hate you or love you.”

Alice giggled, “Let me call Esme and ask her to come. It’ll actually be more fun this way. At least you’re hungry enough to eat our share of finger food. Renee will never notice.”

“Okay, you bring me caffeine and the offer of a meal where I can eat like a man. Are we going steady now?” Joanna drawled, alternating between fixing her hair into one long braid and finishing her coffee.

“I would say so, but Jasper would be upset.” Alice told her conspiratorially.

Joanna laughed, amazed that Alice was even bothering to spend time with her. She had expected the Cullens to keep their distance now that Bella and Edward were off, but they didn’t. They spent the day shopping, and Joanna forced herself to shut up and let Renee spoil her.

The days passed quickly. Renee went home. Charlie and Joanna settled into a routine that relied heavily on take out food or Esme stopping by with the same “I made an extra pan for you two” lie. Joanna didn’t hear her howl for days. She absolutely did not stare out the window wondering about what her dream had meant.

Charlie’s first overnight shift meant Alice and Rosalie scooped her up for a sleepover. She didn’t sleep all that well, or for that long. In a house where no one slept, no one commented when she got up before the sun. She missed Bella. She missed her howl. Since her nightmare, she hadn’t heard the sound again, and she finally realized she hadn’t been as annoyed by it as she’d thought. Besides Bella, it had been the only real constant in her bizarre new life. Bella would be back. Would her howl? What about the man? Were either of them even real, or just another symptom of the PTSD she was trying so hard to smother?

She sat on their porch for a while, watching the sun rise and refusing to let it trigger a flashback to her nightmare. She finally found enough peace to let her mind drift and her spirit soar. She managed to walk around Charlie’s house remotely for a minute and some odd seconds before Carlisle had to give her a nice sternal thump.

He looked more stern than she’d seen him before, “We need to do some extra tests to make sure you aren’t doing any permanent damage to your heart. That’s enough.”

“Okay.” Joanna agreed, feeling admonished.

Emmett plopped down on the porch next to her, “Rose and I were about to take her new baby for a test drive. You want to join us? Esme said your breakfast won’t be ready for another hour.” Emmett offered the adventure, looking like a child asking for a puppy.

Joanna smiled, “Sure thing. Sounds like I’ve been grounded for the day anyway.”

She could hear Esme’s sweet laugh from the kitchen at her words, and Carlisle saying something her ears were too human to hear. Emmett chuckled, “Let’s go, Blue.”

Joanna had worked really hard to get used to him. In return, he moved slowly anytime he was in her view, and the ever changing nicknames didn’t hurt. He was too endearing. Damn him.

Rosalie drove first, gunning the engine and rattling off statistics with the most enthusiasm Joanna had ever seen from her. Emmett whooted and laughed when it was his turn. Speed limits were blatantly ignored. For once, Joanna did not mind breaking the law. No one was doing anything against their will, and their vampire senses would keep anyone from getting hurt. Joanna stuck her head out the window, relishing in the fresh air rushing around her, and she laughed, harder than she had in recent memory. Rosalie and Emmett’s excitement was infectious. They may not have had special powers, but they were special.

“You want a turn?” Emmett asked innocently.

Sadness creeped back in, accompanied by his brother: Shame. “They don’t teach whores how to drive, but thanks. I’m having fun riding.”

Rosalie gave her husband a nasty look, and Emmett looked crushed for a moment. But only a moment. “You can learn. Rose and I know everything about cars. We can teach you.”

“But not in this car.” Rosalie said with a fond smile that did nothing to cover up her protective posture. It was a new car after all.

Joanna grinned, “Yeah, okay.” Joanna ate dinner more quickly than she should have in her rush to get to Bella’s junker.

Emmett was not a patient teacher.

Rosalie was only a hair better, but between the two of them Joanna had only driven Bella’s poor abused truck into one trash can. Emmett had zipped out and saved the light pole.

“Edward would be thrilled if you kill this thing, but I kind of think Bella might cry. He’d be pissed about that.” Emmett explained on the drive back to Charlie’s.

“Not to mention she’s not as impact resistant as we are, Emmett.” Rosalie reminded him wryly.

“Well, there’s that.” He said with a remorseful look towards Joanna.

She shrugged, “Not a big deal.“ They parked the car and piled out.

Rosalie gestured towards the door, “I can hear the phone ringing.”

“Guess I’d better go.” She hesitated on the porch, “Thanks, guys.”

“Same time tomorrow!” Emmett called, sliding himself back into the driver’s seat of Rosalie’s new car. Rosalie nodded at Joanna, and hauled Emmett out of her seat.

Joanna barely reached the phone before the end of the last ring, “Swan Residence.”

“Jo!” Bella’s voice cried, “I’m so glad it’s you. Is Charlie there?”

“No.” Joanna answered slowly, “You okay?”

“I’m fine. My appetite has been off, but that’s probably because I’m frustrated.” Bella huffed, “Edward’s only going to be away for a couple of minutes. Short story, he bruised me a little, broke the bed, ruined some of the bedding, and he hasn’t touched me since. Nothing I’ve tried has worked. He still won’t have…sex with me again. What do I do?”

Joanna bit her lip so she wouldn’t laugh. Her sweet sister was married and still couldn’t say the word sex out loud without mumbling it, “Oh, Bells. Okay, this I can help with.” She really could. Howls? Mysterious suicidal men? Out of her control. Edward refusing to bed his wife? Completely in her wheelhouse. She settled onto a kitchen stool, “Are you listening? Do you have any popsicles? No? Damn. Well, Plan B it is. Pay attention.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics and chapter title from 'Inner Demons' by Julia Brennan.
> 
> Hope this chapter was worth the wait! The honeymoon is over in the next chapter! Let me know what you think!  
> -Jenn


	15. Keep Holding On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella and Edward return from their honeymoon!

_"You're not alone_   
_Together we stand_   
_I'll be by your side_   
_You know I'll take your hand_

  
_When it gets cold_

_And it feels like the end_   
_There's no place to go_   
_You know I won't give in_   
_No, I won't give in"_

**August 31st, 2006**

No one had heard from Bella or Edward in over a week. Joanna was pleased about that. Marital bliss was what her sister deserved. Obviously her salacious advice had paid off.

Joanna was struggling more than she had before the wedding though. Her driving lessons continued, and she and Emmett were fine, but it was the silent moments that were starting to drive her crazy.

She still hadn’t heard her howl.

Silence had started to wear on her. In the silence she slipped into memory. Too rough hands, bright lights, dark rooms, and pain. She’d taken the rougher clients since the new girls had started being younger than her. There had almost always been pain, but the instant it happened, she had parted from her body. The other girls couldn’t get away.

As much as the howl had haunted her, she missed it. She’d kept her mind busy trying to block it out, and in the void it had left behind, her mind wandered in more and more unpleasant ways every day. Joanna had started to think about those girls, the ones still stuck in that hellacious life. In all of the bustle of vampires, werewolves, and weddings, Joanna had almost forgotten them. What must they think of her? Sure, Jasper had brought some justice to her pimp, but had the others gotten free of the life too? Someday, she’d have to try to find out.

For now, she was curled up on the sofa cursing the fact that she still had ovaries. Her first period since her rescue was doing a great job of making up for lost time. Charlie had made her a hot chocolate in the microwave, handed her some pain medication, and had escaped up the stairs as quickly as possible. The pain was just easing when the phone rang. Joanna stretched across the sofa, almost feeling like she wouldn’t rather stab herself, but getting up did not seem pleasant yet. She settled back down, turning her attention back to the home improvement show she’d been marathoning all afternoon when Charlie called down.

“Jo, phone’s for you. It’s Rosalie.” Charlie’s tone struck her as odd. 

She understood when she picked up the kitchen line. The instant the tell-tale click of Charlie hanging up sounded, Rosalie’s voice came in a harsh, too fast whisper. “I need you to drive to the house, now.”

“What? Rose, you know I’ve never driven alone. I’m not ready.” Joanna whispered, suddenly dreading whatever this call was about.

“You’ll be fine.” The blonde hissed, “You need to get to the house. I’ll explain later.”

Joanna didn’t understand, but reached for her shoes and the keys to Bella’s truck, stretching the phone cord dangerously as she did so, “I’m not even sure I can get to your house from mine. What’s going on?”

There was a rustling on the other end of the phone, and, to her shock, Bella’s voice came over the line, “Jo, please, I need you.”

Her sister’s voice had broken as she said her name. Joanna went ramrod straight, already planning her run to the car, “Hang on, Bells. I’ll be right there. It’ll be okay.”

She hung up and bolted for the door, ignoring Charlie’s worried calls, even when they grew more panicked as he realized his daughter with virtually no driving experience was hauling ass to the bucket of bolts he’d stupidly given to his other daughter. Joanna slammed the keys into the ignition, and for once it roared to life without any protest at all, as if it knew the situation was urgent too. Joanna was shaking as she drove to the Cullen’s, worried endlessly about her sister, and scared to death that she would commit vehicular manslaughter on the way.

What the hell had happened?

A sobbing Bella had not been in any of Joanna’s plans. And why the hell was Bella with Rosalie? Even in the short time she’d been around, it was obvious to Joanna that there was not a whole lot going on between her tentative new friend and her twin. Bella was closer to Alice. Why would Rosalie be with her? Rosalie spent a great deal of time subtly being snide about Bella, she certainly would not have gone out of her way to do anything for Bella.

Half way to the Cullen’s Joanna feels her panic start to drive her mind from her body. Carlisle had kept her on a short leash with testing her power for the last week or so, waiting on equipment he’d ordered to be delivered to the house, and she was pretty damned sure he would advise her not to essentially pass out while behind the wheel of a car. “No, no, no, no, no!” Joanna hissed, forcing one hand to release the death grip it has on the steering wheel to put the air conditioner on full blast. Emmett had said something about doing that if humans were sleepy behind the wheel. Would it work against preternatural powers? Joanna was going to find out.

“I’m okay. Bella will be okay. She is okay. Renee is home, safe. Charlie will forgive me. He may arrest me for driving without a license, but he will forgive me. Bella is not going to leave me.” She rattled off the words, and though they were almost meaningless, they seemed to help.

Joanna threw the truck into park behind Rosalie’s, which has stunningly been parked haphazardly in the damned front yard. Something was terribly wrong.

She didn’t expect to come into such a tense scene.

Rosalie stood in front of Bella, Emmett in front of them both, and Edward was staring his brother down. The other Cullens stood to the side. Bella looked fine, more tanned than she’d been before her honeymoon, which made her almost glow, but her face had a pinched quality to it that only eased when she saw her sister. “Jo!”

Joanna eased around Edward. “What the hell happened?”

“She’s sick.” Edward growled.

But Bella didn’t look sick. She shifted forward, and took one of Joanna’s hands in her own, a small smile on her face as she pressed her sister’s hand to her stomach, “Jo, I’m not sick. I’m pregnant.”

The words didn’t register, but the weird fluttering feeling under Joanna’s palm did. Her body went limp like a marionette with the strings cut. Her spirit, soul, mind, whatever the hell it was, blinked awake by the same damned road sign. Before she had a chance to fuss about the stupid dented thing, she realized that, again, she wasn’t alone.

Suicide man was back again, but not alone. The two male figures were staring at the place where man had met metal. “I can’t believe I did something so stupid.”

The form next to him was smaller, more gangly, “Dude, your face was all…bleh for days!”

His tanned form glistened in the evening sun, a beautiful distraction from her current situation. And dear God was his laugh incredible, “Gee, thanks Kid.”

Joanna took a step closer, drawn to him, wanting to see his damned face.

His back straightened suddenly, “You hear something?”

There was a moment of silence, and Joanna was unbearably close to begging them to turn around. The younger one shrugged, “Nah, come on, the Pack is waiting.”

Her man hesitated at the edge of the forest, and was about to turn so she could finally see his face when damned Carlisle Cullen jerked her miserable ass back into reality. At least, apparently, her heart hadn’t stopped. She’d kind of wondered how she wasn’t dead a hundred times over. There was still time though.

Her sister was pregnant with a vampire baby. After Esme practically force fed her a glass of water, Joanna approached Bella again, “You sure aren’t doing this marriage thing half way.”

Bella smiled at her sister’s joke, but when she looked towards Edward, the sweet expression slid off her face. He and Carlisle were locked in a mind-reader expedited conversation that neither sister could understand. The tension was clear though. Every so often one of the other vampires would grimace at something Edward hissed. Bella looked down at her stomach, where a slight swell was visible, like she’d eaten too much at one time, “Edward thinks the baby is soulless. A monster. He wants me to get rid of it.”

Joanna chose her words carefully. Her experiences with pregnant women were limited to teenaged runaways or whores, all caught up in the dark trafficking world. Those had never had happy endings. Edward’s head jerked towards her at one of them, but she ignored him. Her sister needed her, “What do you want, Bells?”

Bella looked so damned young, gazing at that bump, a tiny smile making it’s way back onto her face, “I want him. He’s part of Edward, part of me. A miracle. I love him already.”

“Okay.” The word sealed her decision. She would help Bella keep this miracle safe. “Him?” Joanna asked.

Bella nodded, but also shrugged, “It’s just a feeling.”

Joanna settled next to Bella, looking at Edward, “Eddie, share your feelings with the class.”

He looked every bit the horror movie monster he was so sure he was, “It’s growing too fast. Human babies aren’t meant to grow this fast. Bella’s body is already struggling. Carlisle can’t even see what it is with a sonogram. Rosalie won’t let him close to check anything.” He was sure she was in danger, but Bella was ever the martyr, wasn’t she? They were all fucked.

Joanna forced her sister to look her in the eyes, “Bella, are you feeling sick?”

Bella shrugged again, “Jo, I feel pregnant. I’m tired and my appetite is weird, but I don’t care.”

Joanna understood instantly. Bella had a backup plan. “I get it.” They stayed cuddled up for a while before she kissed her twin on the side of her head, “I need to get home to Charlie, and you look like you need to go to bed.”

Bella sighed, side-eyeing her husband, “I’ll try.”

Joanna threw the keys to Bella’s truck at him, “I barely got here without dying. You’re going to drive me home so she can get comfy before you wig out on her anymore.”

His reply was so soft she hardly heard it, “No.”

“Take. Me. Home.” Joanna repeated, staring her brother-in-law down.

“No.” He repeated, voice flat.

Joanna resisted the urge to slap him. It wouldn’t do any good. So a different tactic it was. “She does not want you here right now. Give her some air you fucking bastard.”

How he didn’t yank the steering wheel clean out of the truck as he grudgingly drove her home, Joanna would never know. They didn’t talk, not for the first few minutes at least. Then he had to open his stupid mouth, “You won’t tell her?”

Joanna knew what he was talking about, what he’d seen in her head, and once her throat unclenched, she spoke softly, “No, and neither will you.” She took a breath, changing the subject back to her sister, “You said so yourself, no-one knows what is inside her right now. Bella is doing alright, and this is what she wants. She needs our support, Edward. If you push her, she will run, and then no one can keep her safe. Stress isn’t good for women in her condition anyway. You know that too.”

He stayed silent as he turned onto their street, but when the house came into sight his smooth voice rumbled again, “You’re going to have to keep me in check.”

Joanna laughed shortly, “Will do, Ed. We both love her and want what’s best for her. I’ll panic when I get upstairs, you take your time walking back, and for the love of God, let her sleep.”

“Agreed.” He said, putting the truck in park, vanishing and reappearing at her side of the truck within one breath, opening the door for her. “I’m sorry.” He said suddenly, “I’ve never…thought of it like that.”

Joanna smiled sadly at him, “Men rarely do.”

He disappeared without another word, and Joanna let herself back into the house. She had not expected Charlie to wait up, but she should have. What kind of father wouldn’t wait up after his daughter fled without a word? Relief colored his face as he rose from the sofa, “You’re back.”

Joanna plastered a sheepish smile she didn’t feel onto her face, “Sorry about taking the truck, it was an emergency. Rosalie and Emmett had a fight, she was upset. We went into town for a couple hours, you know, girl time, and she and Emmett talked it all out when we got back. They’re fine now!” She hung the keys back up in their spot, “Think I’m ready for that driving test though.” Edging past him she brushed a kiss on his whiskered cheek, “I’ll have Rose pick me up tomorrow so we can practice parallel parking. Could take all day. Goodnight, Daddy.”

Charlie watched her levelly throughout her whole rambling explanation, but his words as she mounted the stairs broke her heart. “Joanna Eileen Swan, that better be the first and the last time you lie to me under my own roof.”

Joanna paused half way up the stairs, stunned for a moment by his words. He never called her Joanna. She was always JoJo. His JoJo. Had she even remembered her own middle name? Eileen? Part of her wanted to beg him instantly for his forgiveness, to get on her knees and beg him not to be mad at her. She couldn't do that though. Instead, Joanna turned back to him with a sad smile on her face, “I love you, Daddy.”

His smile was just as sad, and they both knew that something between them had been broken. His mustache moved a few times before he finally spoke again, “I love you too, JoJo. I will always be here for you. You know that, right?”

Tears stung in her eyes. “I know.” Joanna whispered before forcing herself up the remaining rungs. Sleep was impossible. Bella. The baby. Her dad’s broken heart. And then the bitterness. Bella had given up thoughts of being a mother in favor of Edward’s undying love, and now the impossible had been bestowed upon her. An impossibility that would never again be possible for Joanna.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title and song lyrics from "Keep Holding On" by Avril Lavigne.
> 
> Here we are, firmly in the middle of Breaking Dawn! The real fun starts here guys!
> 
> The next chapter is completely written and is extra long. Comments and Kudos could convince me to post it this weekend!  
> -Jenn


	16. The Next Right Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We wrap up some of the police investigation into Joanna's past, and Bella's baby joins the world!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be advised: Things get bloody!

_"I've seen dark before, but not like this_   
_This is cold, this is empty, this is numb_   
_The life I knew is over, the lights are out_   
_Hello, darkness, I'm ready to succumb_

  
_I follow you around, I always have_   
_But you've gone to a place I cannot find_   
_This grief has a gravity, it pulls me down_   
_But a tiny voice whispers in my mind_   
_You are lost, hope is gone_   
_But you must go on_   
_And do the next right thing"_

**September 7th, 2006**

The next week in her life passed by in a flash. Joanna continued to lie to Charlie. Her years of practice in the art of deception had him almost convinced she and Rosalie were just touring Seattle all the time. Reality was much less pleasing. Edward had been right. The baby was hurting Bella. Her stomach had grown massively, bruises appeared all the time, and she was weaker by the hour. Already it exhausted her just to take a shower, even with Rosalie and Joanna helping her. Bella insisted they not let Charlie know she was back, but, on the first Wednesday of September, he’d caught Joanna after a particularly rough evening and she had mentioned Bella a bit too familiarly. Charlie was not a stupid man, and he’d latched onto her slip and driven them both to the Cullen’s house, demanding to see Bella. Joanna, Jasper, and Carlisle had only barely been able to get him to leave and go home.

Carlisle had taken over as information manager, spinning a lie about Joanna being immune to Bella’s exotic illness due to being exposed to similar strains while on the street. Charlie was uncomfortably close to having a heart attack, and insisted Joanna keep her distance from her sister. More lies there, but he was always glad to see her when she got home each night. Joanna just spent every day seeing to her twin’s every need, even if she was a glorified space heater half the time. Not that Bella every actually seemed warm enough.

Bella shivered, tucking herself closer to her sister. Joanna brushed a hand over the side of her sister’s face, “Hey, Bells, you’re okay.”

“You have to protect him, Jo.” Bella whispered, even though they both knew everyone in the house could hear her and were all capable of killing Joanna in an instant.

Joanna nodded, “I will, but so will you.”

Bella looked up at Joanna, and the look on her face said it all. Bella wasn’t sure she’d be there, she wasn’t even counting on it. They’d started variations on this conversation the first time the baby had left a bruise on Bella’s poor stretched stomach.

Emmett suddenly went stiff, and growled, “Wolf.”

Bella brightened instantly, “Jacob?”

“Jacob?” Joanna echoed, keeping her arms around Bella but helping her younger twin sit up a bit more.

The arguing in the other room triggered a small flashback to a time Joanna would have rather forgotten, and a second later, Rosalie had pulled Joanna away from Bella and into the room she shared with Emmett. “You need to breathe. Carlisle really can’t handle three patients right now.”

Joanna nodded, taking a few deep breaths. Rosalie put a hand on her shoulder, “Come on, I’m sure this will take a while. Emmett will drive you home.” She sighed, “The last thing any of us need is Charlie showing up cause you missed curfew.”

Joanna had to laugh, she was days away from being nineteen, and, yes, she had a curfew. It was an indescribable joy to have someone who cared enough to pay that much attention, and, age appropriate or not, Joanna wasn’t going to argue with him. Besides, after a day of being strong for Bella, it was nice to get those tight warm hugs from their adorable dad when she came home. She’d also taken over Bella’s job of making sure he had breakfast before he set out to save the world one shift at a time.

“What is this?” He asked on Friday morning.

Joanna shrugged, “Esme went grocery shopping the other day and we ended up with some pie crust. Rosalie researched, sent me an email, I watched a video, quiche happened. I hope.”

He laughed at her unease, and dug in, not even mentioning how it was a bit too salty. Charlie Swan was a national treasure. They were heading to the door, both ready for their day, when the doorbell rang. They exchanged questioning looks, and Charlie went to the door. “No.” He said instantly, and Joanna eased behind him to look.

Men in suits. With badges.

Charlie’s arm stretched out in front of her, creating more of a barrier between her and the men, “I already told you to leave her alone. She’s been through enough. What happened to professional courtesy?”

The men looked genuinely sorry, and the taller of the two had the balls to speak first, “Chief, I know we had an arrangement before, but things have changed. Our last witness backed out.” He looked past Charlie’s arm, “We need you to testify, Joanna.”

“You will speak to me, not her.” Charlie half growled, and Joanna abruptly realized exactly where her protective nature came from.

Then her brain realized what the man had said, “Testify?”

Charlie turned towards her, “No, they will find someone else. Bella’s sick, this is just too…”

“Yes.” Joanna found herself saying, looking back at the FBI agent levelly, “If it means Ricardo Diaz and the others stay in jail, I’ll do it. I made it home. Others weren’t so lucky.” She put a hand on Charlie’s face, making him look her in the eyes, “I have to protect them, Daddy. It’s the right thing to do.”

Charlie sighed, brushing some of her hair out of her face, “You’re sure?”

Joanna nodded, even though her salty quiche was threatening to make a reappearance, “Yes.”

“Too damned much like me.” He grumbled, looking back at the men, “When do you need her?”

The second man looked instantly ill, “Today. The judge is opening court tomorrow so we can get this finished. We can prep her today, she’ll testify tomorrow, and be home Sunday morning.”

It took a lot of deep breathing, a ride in an FBI helicopter, but Joanna did it. She summoned all the courage she had to stare down the men that had tried to take her future from her. They’d been surprised to see ‘Crystal’ was alive, her actual name lost to them amongst all of the victim names in their charges. Who was Joanna Swan them? Rape? Attempted murder? Hers wasn’t the only name attached to those charges.

Charlie had come to Vegas with her, but she had insisted he wait outside while she testified. He didn’t need to know everything. There were secrets she needed to keep. She was hungry and exhausted when she finally detailed years of torture and prostitution, beatings, rapes, murders. No one knew when the verdict would come back, but they weren’t sticking around.

In the phone calls they’d shared, Joanna could tell Bella was down playing her condition. Bella had mostly tried to focus on her werewolf friend, Jacob, telling Joanna how he’d come back, invoked his birthright and become alpha of his own pack over the pack’s reaction to the baby, how he’d refused to rejoin his old pack and even had two members join him. She’d talked more than she had before they left, she sounded stronger, both of which seemed promising, but she’d just been so damned vague.

The first thing she did when they got back to Forks Sunday morning was strip her clothes off and jump into the shower. She was grateful for the citrusy exfoliating body wash Rosalie had selected for her, using a loofa more aggressively than she usually did just to get off the feeling of filth that had seemed to drape itself over her. Sure, she’d taken a shower in their motel room, but it hadn’t done anything to get rid of how gross she felt. The water went cold before she was done rinsing the soap from her hair, but she emerged feeling like she could take on anything. She had looked those awful people in the eyes, told her story, and, somehow, she felt like there was a weight off her shoulders suddenly.

Skin pink and fresh smelling, Joanna dressed herself in a tank top, cozy hoodie, and cut off shorts, ones shorter than Bella would have ever worn. Rosalie had helped Joanna gain back some of her confidence, and had bought the shorts for her on one of their shopping trips, insisting they made her legs look amazing. They absolutely did. The shoes she toed on were actually hers too, well, as much as anything was hers. If things worked out the way Bella dreamed they would, maybe Joanna would actually be able to get a job. She was already way more in control of her power than she’d been the first time Bella had tried to help her get one.

She could drive now too. Charlie had seen fit to have her take the driving test two days after her flight to the Cullen house. It was such a small town that she’d sat with the test administrator before the driving test, talking about all the road rules Rosalie had dutifully explained to her, and after the actual driving test, the woman had passed her completely, even without the written test. The real one hadn’t come in the mail yet, but she had proof that she was almost a functioning young woman. Driving back to the Cullen’s on her own wasn’t illegal anymore!

“I’m heading to see Bella.” She called to Charlie.

He huffed, pulling his own jacket on. Looked like they were both going to attempt to redo their failed Thursday morning jaunts, “I hate I can’t see her.”

“She sounded good on the phone though, right?” Joanna offered.

“Yeah, just wish I could be there.” He kissed her forehead.

Joanna smiled at him, “You unexpectedly missed two whole days at work, I think there will be more than enough for you to do, even in Forks.”

He chuckled at her, “You’re probably right. Okay, JoJo, drive safely and call me this afternoon. You give better updates than Dr. Cullen.”

Joanna was still smiling when she walked into the Cullen’s house. To see Bella happily sipping from a straw in a cup filled with… “I’m sorry. Is that blood?”

Bella smiled awkwardly, red on her teeth and the inside edges of her lips, “The baby likes it. Jake figured out he was…thirsty.” She rubbed her vastly expanded stomach, “He’s stronger, and I feel better.” She reached a hand towards her sister, “Come here, Edward heard the baby’s thoughts this morning. He loves me, loves my voice. I want to know what he thinks of Aunt Jo.”

Joanna went to her sister, could never deny her anything anyway, no matter how stunned she was, “So, I missed nothing, did I?”

Bella laughed, winching as she did so, and Edward emerged from the kitchen area, an actual smile on his face, taking the cup from Bella, “Good news, Bella. The baby likes Joanna more than it does Jacob.”

“Well yeah, Jo’s been here more!” She rubbed her stomach, talking to the baby, “We missed Aunt Jo, didn’t we?” Bella’s face went tight. “Jo, how do you feel after Vegas?”

Joanna frowned at her twin, “I’m better. Let’s not talk about that. You’re in pain.”

Bella rubbed her stomach some more, “The baby hates that he’s hurting me, but…I’m too small.” She smiled excitedly, even though she still looked terrible, “Carlisle thinks I’ll go into labor in a few days. Wednesday, maybe. He, Esme, Jasper, and Emmett left to get prepared.”

“That’s really exciting, Bells.” Joanna said, feeling a sense of relief. The baby couldn’t hurt Bella any more if it arrived. This terrifying limbo would end.

Rosalie’s face as she walked down the stairs seemed to echo her emotions, “The baby is struggling not to hurt her. She’s leaving out that it broke another rib yesterday.”

Bella scowled at the vampire turned ally, “I was going to tell her. Rose, we know now that the baby didn’t mean to. He’ll be better.”

“So…we’re full-on communicating with the unborn now?” Joanna shook her head, “Oh, man, this kid is going to be something, isn’t it?” Least there was proof it wouldn’t be a mindless killer.

Bella smiled even wider, but her joy faltered a bit, “Jake’s taking a break. He’s not thrilled about Edward hearing the baby. I was hoping you two would get to meet once you got back.”

Joanna shrugged, easing herself down next to Bella’s frame, hyper aware the Edward and Rosalie were watching her every move. Bella just seemed relieved to have her sister back, and they cuddled for a little while, talking about baby names and classic literature. Edward disappeared for a while, and came back even happier looking than he’d been before. It wasn’t too long after that before Bella looked to her husband again, “I’m…thirsty again.”

He brought her a styrofoam cup with a lid and straw. She took a few sips, long lashes fluttering closed as she savored the feeling of actually getting something her body needed. Bella looked to her sister, “Think we could sit on the porch for a while? My legs are so stiff.”

“Sure thing, Bells.” Joanna extricated herself from their little nest, accepting a hand from Edward to make her exit more graceful than it would have been on her own. Rosalie moved to help Bella up, stepped away, and it was their movement that sent the cup of blood tumbling to the sofa, red blood spilling on to the pale fabric. Rosalie zipped inhumanly towards the kitchen.

“Oh!” Bella gasped.

Joanna had already bent to grab for the cup when she felt Bella fall limp against her, “Bella!”

The mess on the sofa was forgotten, and Joanna lowered them both to the floor, her below Bella and Edward instantly above, “Bella?” Joanna watched from under her sister as his eyes unfocused, and panic shot across his inhuman features. Something was wrong.

A half second later, Bella screamed, the blood-curdling shriek tearing through Joanna’s heart. The sound cut off with a gurgle, and her head lolled against Joanna’s shoulder before her body twitched, arched in Joanna’s arms, and then Bella vomited a fountain of blood.

Joanna held her twin as her body thrashed, moved not of her own volition, but from the inside of her body. The baby. Joanna had only registered the cracking sounds in the room as Bella’s bones snapping when Edward whipped Bella’s body into his arms. He and his sisters shot up the staircase, speaking too quickly for Joanna to understand. Her own panicked breathing kept her on the floor, long enough to hear Bella scream, “Get him OUT! He can’t BREATH! Do it NOW! NO NOW!”

Joanna pulled herself up, shaking, covered in blood her sister had vomited on her. Donor blood? Her own? She pulled the soaked jacket over her head and stared at the blood that still stained her tank top. So much blood. Someone ran up the back stairs, feet loud on the steps, and another, male, voice joined the commotion. Howls sounded from the woods. The werewolves had to have smelled the blood. Crashes of furniture breaking echoed through the house. Yelling too fast to comprehend, one male voice slower than the rest, but too quiet to hear at a distance.

Joanna felt dizzy, weak, like Bella’s need had stolen it right from her. Her soul begged to break free, away from the terrible noises and blood. Joanna was still trying to make her way up the stairs when Rosalie was suddenly there, “Renesmee.”

“What?” Joanna asked breathlessly. The answer was the bundle thrust into her arms.

“I need to help.” Rosalie gritted out, trying not to breathe before she disappeared again.

Joanna stood there, stunned for a moment before a sharp pain brought her back to reality. The baby had her teeth sunk into Joanna’s chest. “No!” Was her first reaction. Babies were not meant to have teeth, but the little thing released her instantly, leaving behind a tiny double-crescent bite mark just above her left breast. And then her niece looked up at her with Bella’s chocolate brown eyes. “Oh.” Joanna whispered, reminding herself of how endlessly her sister loved this child. “Hey there, Pretty. A little girl, huh? Your Momma was wrong. That’s good for her, you know? She can’t be right all the time.” She touched the baby’s face, surprised at how warm she was, pulling her finger back when Renesmee reached for it with those tiny teeth, “No, you really can’t bite Aunt Jo. I’m breakable, like your Momma.”

Then she saw Bella.

“No!” Joanna yelled, heart hammering at the sight of her sister, body torn and broken, impossibly standing, looking right at her. Blue tinged lips mouthed her name. Then Bella’s eyes lit upon the child she’d bestowed that beautiful color on. She moved her too thin arms, curling them in a macabre echo of the way Joanna was holding the baby. Bella smiled widely, and her brown eyes shifted to lock with Joanna’s blue ones one last time. Bella faded.

Joanna sunk to the chair behind her, feeling a vast emptiness spread through her. Her sister was dead. Had to be. Silence echoed above her. Those same heavy footsteps stormed down the back stairs, breaking the horrifying stillness. Joanna was numb. Renesmee reached a still blood smeared hand towards Joanna’s face, and a vision of Bella’s corpse, a smile on it’s face, popped into her head. Rosalie appeared at the bottom of the stairs, Alice right behind her. Joanna took one ragged breath, and Rosalie was there, easing the baby out of her arms. Joanna reached out, not wanting to let go of the last piece of her sister she had left, but then her head exploded again. Howls. Everywhere. In her head, in her ears. She screamed once before bottling it up.

“They’re here.” She heard Alice say dazedly.

“No.” Joanna gasped, pushing the pain of it all back. They would not take Bella’s daughter from her. Free from the baby, she broke away before anyone could stop her. Her blood splattered shoes pounded across the expensive floors, and she threw the front door open with more strength than she’d ever felt before pounding through her veins.

She was immune to fear now. Bella was dead. Her greatest fear come to life. Nothing could scare her now. Not even a line of larger than life wolves.

The howls in and out of her head trickled to a halt as they all stared at her bloody form, backlit by the light from the house. “You. Will. NOT! Touch them.” Joanna growled, shaking in fury, “I don’t care what you fuckers think. My sister gave her life for her daughter, and I will not let you hurt her.” A few of the wolves trotted forward, growling back at her. “Oh, go fuck yourselves.” Joanna hissed, taking a step forward of her own. “You want to fucking kill them? You’ll have to kill me first.” She held her hands up in invitation, “Come on! You value human life, right? Well, if you want hers, you’ll have to take mine.”

The largest of them, jet black with a menacing countenance, howled. The sound hurt Joanna’s ears. The one that answered his though, rattled through her ears as well as her brain, the sounds becoming one as a russet wolf left between them, assuming a protective stance in front of her. He glanced over his shoulder at her and froze. An unbidden sigh left her, something clicking into place. Her wolf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus, we have reached the end of Breaking Dawn Part 2! Hope you guys are still with me through this extra long chapter!
> 
> Chapter title and lyrics from 'The Next Right Thing' off the Frozen 2 soundtrack.
> 
> Let me know what you think!  
> -Jenn


	17. Show Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our first real Jacob and Joanna meeting!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of the comments on the last chapter were great! I hope you like this one!

_"Every inch of me is trembling_   
_But not from the cold_   
_Something is familiar_   
_Like a dream I can reach but not quite hold_   
_I can sense you there_   
_Like a friend I've always known_   
_I'm arriving_   
_And it feels like I am home_

_I have always been a fortress_   
_Hold secrets deep inside_   
_You have secrets, too_   
_But you don't have to hide_

_Show yourself_   
_I'm dying to meet you_   
_Show yourself_   
_It's your turn_   
_Are you the one I've been looking for_   
_All of my life?_   
_Show yourself_   
_I'm ready to learn"_

**September 10th, 2006**

Jacob felt his whole center of gravity change. He’d jumped in front of the Pack to protect Bella, the baby he’d just helped into the world, and the vampire trying to save Bella’s life. Now though…his entire being was focused on the girl who had been baiting the Pack. Everything had changed. He was no longer anchored to the ground, but to her.

Joanna. Bella’s twin.

She looked like Bella, their features eerily similar for fraternal twins, but…she instantly meant so much more than the best friend he’d only thought he loved romantically. His acute senses recognized her sigh, the softening of her fierce blue eyes as she gazed right back at him. There was blood on her white tank top, on her shoes, on sinfully short shorts. It smelled wrong, unfamiliar. Not hers. The stuff they’d been feeding Bella for days. He wanted it off of her. The Pack didn’t matter. He barely registered most of the Pack slinking back into the tree line.

He did hear Edward narrating the astonishing moment that lingered in the air, “He’s imprinted on Joanna. They won’t hurt her or her family. It’s their most sacred law.”

Those blue eyes were still fixed on Jacob, right where he wanted them, forever, and he watched her take two heaving gulps of air. Her jaw trembled and she whispered, “I can’t breathe.”

He was not prepared for her to start running. Not at all.

“Jacob!” Edward called, a moment before he’d been ready to bolt after her. Jacob paused, even though he didn’t want to, looking up at the porch towards his former rival. Edward was covered in blood too, Bella’s. “Be careful with her. She’s been through a lot. Even before tonight.”

Right. She’d just lost her human sister. But that was all he knew. Bella had been vague about her sister’s sudden reappearance. He wanted to know everything. He needed to know her.

Edward shook his head, seemingly amused, “Bella’s got a chance still. She’s too stubborn. Joanna is too. Bring her back here when you find her, please. She doesn’t know we got Bella’s heart beating again. She’ll want to see her.”

Jacob took the following silence as an opportunity to growl at Sam to take his pack home, and then he eased himself into the forest, following Joanna’s perfect scent.

She’d put an impressive distance between them all, she was sure about that. Joanna finally stopped, crossing her arms behind her head, looking up at the moon. It was waning, but still mostly full. It illuminated the clearing that she’d stopped to catch her breath in well enough that she felt a little safe. Had it even been a half hour since she’d been curled up next to her sister? She had no idea. Time seemed meaningless. She sunk to the ground, putting her head between her knees, trying to calm down before her soul broke free and she had a heart attack in the middle of the damned forest. Death would not get both Swan sisters in one night. Her niece needed her. She would get a minute alone, get herself under control, and go back.

She wasn’t alone though.

Joanna sat up a bit more as soon as she sensed him. Her wolf. In the flesh. She hadn’t been imagining that howl for all these months, but the realization brought her only a little comfort. He padded into the clearing, moving slowly, obviously not wanting to scare her. She stayed still, her forehead resting on her knees, eyes down cast. Imprint. Bella had talked about the werewolf phenomena. What did it really mean though? She was her. And her sister had just…maybe died. The aching vast emptiness she’d felt after seeing Bella’s spirit had eased. Surely she would still feel that way if Bella was really gone. She’d have to go back to the house. Talk. Not scream like a damned lunatic.

Joanna was still wrapped in her thoughts when the wolf who was maybe mostly a man settled down next to her. He moved so slowly, seemingly unaware that she was watching him out of the corner of her eye, and only stilled when his fur brushed against her side.

Joanna couldn’t help the gasp she let out. As soon as he’d touched her, a shock had radiated through her whole body. He instantly went to move away, but her hand reached out to him before the thought had even been made whole. He stilled under her touch, and she turned her head to gaze at her moonlit skin contrasting sharply with his reddish fur, which was so much softer than she’d expected. She swallowed, her tongue thick in her mouth, “Stay?”

He eased himself back into the space between them. She left her hand on his neck.

She took a long time to speak again, relishing in the warmth he was giving off as the adrenaline faded from her body and the cool night air flitted across her exposed skin. “You’re Jacob, right?”

He nodded his big furry head once.

“Bella’s not dead, is she? Not really?” Joanna asked.

He nodded again, but there was some uncertainty in his too human eyes.

Joanna took another stabilizing breath, letting herself sink her fingers into the hair on his neck, “I’ve heard you howling for months.” His eyes widened in surprise, and she had to laugh softly, “Damned, so that’s not normal even for the supernatural. Yay, Joanna, you’re a winner.”

He leaned into her a bit more firmly, a chastising movement.

She smiled at him, “I’m okay. Least I’m not completely insane.” There was a question on the tip of her tongue, but she asked another instead, one that seemed safer, but probably wasn’t. “Can I see you?”  
  
He didn’t move at all, and looked uneasy.

Shit. Had she stumbled into something taboo? “Not change, if that’s what you think. I’m kind of maxed out on tonight. But I’d like to see human you. So we can, you know, actually talk.” Although she did feel eerily confident in her ability to read him.

He nodded, moving slowly still as he stood and walked back to the edge of the clearing. He hesitated before going out of sight, like he was afraid she would disappear. Which was exactly what he must be thinking. She’d run once before, after all. It had been really stupid, to run when she’d only seconds earlier been confronting a pack of werewolves, but she’d needed to get away and her brain had been smart enough to know that dropping like a sack of potatoes wasn’t a good plan. She was learning, apparently. Yay. She shook herself out of her thoughts. “I’ll be right here.” Joanna whispered, coming to her feet.

She almost laughed at the absurdity of it all. She was standing in a forest in the middle of the night, covered in donated human blood, waiting on her sister’s werewolf best friend to reveal his human self to her. Cause she’d already met his wolf self. Still so damned wild. Somehow more wild than vampires and half-vampire babies.

“I’m uh…naked.” His voice came from behind her, lower than she’d expected for a younger guy.

Joanna choked back a laugh, “I’m not shy. You?”

He stepped in front of her, close enough that he stood inches from her, “No, you?’

She absolutely kept her eyes on his deliciously handsome face. She absolutely did not scan his glorious bare chest and catch sight of dark hair leading even farther down before she jerked her eyes back up to his equally handsome face. She absolutely did not.

“I’m Joanna.” She told him, wishing the light was brighter so she could tell what color his dark eyes were. She bet they were incredible.

He smiled, exposing perfectly white teeth, and she was caught off guard by the effortless boyishness the expression unleashed on him, “I’m Jacob.”

Joanna couldn’t resist the urge to reach up and cup his super heated cheek in her hand. He closed both his eyes, his long dark eyelashes dusting across his cheek bones. She had never imagined wanting a man again, but he was stunning. Her deepest desires given human form. Too beautiful to ever be subjected to the darkness of her world. “Why did you try to hurt yourself?”

His eyes flew open, and he jerked back.

“No!” She cried, not ready to give up the feeling of his warmth under her palm and regretting letting the question out.

Jacob stared at her, but didn’t move any further back when she let her hand rest on his shoulder, her fingertips so close to his neck that she could feel it pulsing. He put his own hand over hers, holding hers closer to his bare skin, “How do you know about that?”

“I was there.” She whispered, edging closer to him to feel more of that warmth, or to comfort him, she really didn’t know. “I tried to get you to move out of the way, but you couldn’t hear me.” Her eyes drifted from his face down to their nestled flesh, her skin sickly pale compared to his, underneath smears of dried blood, “I couldn't touch you either.”

He shifted uncomfortably, and looked embarrassed, “I was…upset. It was stupid. I knew it wouldn’t last. I knew it wouldn’t change anything.” He hesitated, and said in a much smaller voice, “I just wanted everything to stop for a minute.”

Oh, that she understood. She opened her mouth, and a scolding tone came out, one her sister usually saved for Charlie, “That’ll be the last time you do shit like that. You’re too pretty to be messed up like that.” He let a rumbling chuckle go, his taut chest shaking under her hand. Something shocked her out of the daze of him, panic rising again instantly, “Bella…?”

Joanna wasn’t sure what she was going to say, the thoughts hadn’t fully formed yet, but Jacob shushed her, pulling her to his chest, “Hey, calm down.” He splayed one of his broad hands across the exposed skin of her upper back, warming and calming her. “I won’t lie to you. Ever. Edward thinks she’s got a chance. We got her heart started before I stormed off. He thinks the venom is working. Uncertainty, but she’s alive.”

“Oh.” Maybe she’d just seen Bella for a moment because she’d only been dead for a moment? Hope spread through her, drowning out the panic as she listened to Jacob’s heart beat steadily in his chest. This time when the adrenaline fled, she didn’t just get cold. Her eyelids started bobbing instantly. She clung to Jacob because he was the only thing keeping her up.

Jacob peered down at her, “Hey, let’s get you back to the house. We’ve all had a long day.”

“Renesmee, I need to check on her.” Joanna mumbled, swaying a bit when she stepped away.

Jacob made her look up at him with a gentle hand, “You okay if I carry you? It’ll be faster. You have a surprisingly long stride for a human.”

She giggled, feeling a little drunk, her brain trying to shut down as she fought it, “For a human?”

“Yeah.” He said with a tiny chuckle, and he took her silence as permission and eased her body up into his arms, “I’ve got clothes not too far from the house, we can stop there and get ourselves pulled together.”

Joanna rested her head back on his chest, her sleepy brain registering something drastically important, “I’m not afraid of you.”

“I should hope not.” Jacob replied, striding easily through the underbrush, “I’m Bella’s best friend, but you haven’t seen me and Edward in the same room yet. We can both be scary.”

He didn’t understand. And that was okay, for now. Joanna just let her eyes close, succumbing to sleep, not even stirring when he struggled into a pair of shorts without putting her down.

For the first time in a long time, Joanna didn’t dream. Or, if she did, she didn’t jolt awake in terror, and, even better, she didn’t remember anything at all as she came to awareness. She did, however, instantly become aware of a heavy warm weight on her chest.

Renesmee. The pretty baby was nestled between Joanna’s breasts, fast asleep in a pale pink romper, one ear pressed against the maroon sweater fabric and thin flesh and bone protecting her aunt’s heart. Joanna stroked a hand down her niece’s back, taking a moment to brush her fingers through the curls she’d gotten equally from Charlie and Edward. Renesmee sighed adorably, her pink lips fluttering with a few bubbles of drool.

Joanna almost had a heart attack when a male groan came from right beside her. “What the?”

Rosalie was there before Joanna even had time to sit all the way up, an icy hand ghosting over the one Joanna still had on Renesmee’s back. “Easy.” Jacob was asleep next to the sofa, his head propped up against the arm of the sofa, a couple pillows laid out that he had ignored in favor of being as close to Joanna as possible. “He wanted to hold you after Alice and I got you cleaned up. You were pretty out of it, real agreeable, but I told the mutt to sleep on the floor.”

Joanna nodded at her friend. She probably would have lost it if he’d been under her. Although… he hadn’t scared her. He still didn’t. He looked younger asleep, and seemed completely unaware that he was being watched. Joanna adjusted one of Renesmee’s little feet that had ended up digging into her thigh, noting that she was now wearing expensive feeling leggings, and that the maroon fabric she was wearing was a sweater she was sure cost more than Charlie made in a month. She also noticed something else troubling, “She’s bigger than she was last night.”

Rosalie glared down at Jacob, moving around his legs to sit next to Joanna’s feet. “She was growing fast before she got here. Carlisle’s been checking her measurements every six hours.” Rosalie looked irritated, “She wanted you after he measured her last.”

Joanna blinked at her, “Wanted me?”

Rosalie rolled her eyes, “We already told her Bella is otherwise occupied, so she remembered you’re soft and smell good. A perfect bed.” She finally judged Joanna’s expression correctly, “She’s gifted. She can show you her thoughts and memories with a touch.”

Joanna suddenly remembered the glimpse of Bella’s corpse like face she’d seen when she’d first held Renesmee. “She showed me her only memory of Bella.” Joanna looked around the room, “Where is Bella?”

“Relax, you’ve only been asleep for like nine hours.” Rosalie drawled, “She’s upstairs, turning. Edward is a nervous wreck, but Carlisle says everything looks to be going to plan.”

Joanna calmed herself, snuggling for a little while longer with her niece the way she’d done with Bella, rambling until she brushed a finger on Renesmee’s cheek and saw into the baby’s dreams. It was as if she was replaying all of her memories in her sleep at once. Bella. Edward. All of the Cullen’s, a flash of Jacob carrying an unconscious Joanna through the front door, still smeared with blood. A lecture from Edward and Carlisle on how she couldn’t bite her sleeping aunt, and, finally, being lulled to sleep by a heartbeat that almost served to quench the desire she had to be with her mother. Renesmee really loved Bella.

When Joanna emerged from the daze of Renesmee’s dreams, most of the Cullen’s were milling about. “That was a trip.” Joanna whispered, passing the baby carefully to Rosalie, who had stayed motionless on the other end of the sofa the entire time. “I need to pee.”

Bless Bella and her ‘human minutes’, Joanna just didn’t have time for such niceties. She ended up standing on the expensive sofa and needing a hand from Rosalie to get off without waking the sleeping werewolf. She took her time in the bathroom. Vague memories of Alice and Rosalie coaxing her through a shower surfaced, and she was satisfied to note that her skin and hair were free of blood. Also, miraculously, the blue lace panties she’d worn under the shorts had escaped any stains. A small gift. No doubt the hoodie, tank, and shorts were lost causes.

Joanna also remembered Jacob’s voice echoing from the other side of the door, begging the vampire sisters to give him something to do or finish quicker. Whatever their replies had been, Joanna didn’t recall. She had never been so tired. As she left the bathroom, Joanna glanced at a still sleeping Jacob, snoring adorably, before she went up the stairs to check on her sister.

Edward was holding up one wall, his eyes focused on his wife so surely that Joanna wasn’t sure he noticed her until she stepped into his line of sight. “Joanna.” He said in greeting.

“What’s the word, Ed?” Joanna asked, approaching her twin’s still form. Even cleaned up, Bella still looked like death, but her heart hammered on and her skin was still warm. Well, warmer than a vampire’s.

He didn’t comment on her nickname, not that he ever had before though, “She’s quiet. This isn’t…like any change we’ve ever seen. I’m nervous.”

Joanna kissed Bella’s sallow forehead, “Three days, right? So like two and a half left until we know.” She looked up at him, “Do you mind if I stay for a little while?” After all, these would be the last days she spent with her sister for a long time. Their brief days of cuddling were over. They would either reunite in the afterlife, or, if they were lucky, years from now when Bella no longer wanted to eat her. Joanna felt absolutely gutted. She’d only ever wanted Bella happy and safe, but she could no longer protect Bella. Her sister would either be dead or nigh invincible. What was she going to do when Bella didn’t need her anymore?

Edward opened his mouth, likely to spout useless platitudes, but he seemed to remember the Swan stubbornness in time to save himself the trouble. He responded to the question she’d asked aloud, “Of course not. Esme is fixing lunch for you and the wolves though.”

“Let me know when it’s ready?” Joanna asked, curling herself around Bella as best as she could. She didn’t hear his response. Joanna latched on to her sister’s mind, soul, whatever the tiny piece still in control of her was called, and went to her like she had before. The instant her mind reached out, her sister slammed a wall around them both. Joanna understood why. Bella was burning.

Poor Edward, he was watching them, blissfully hoping that Bella’s silence meant she was being spared the pain of the change. She wasn’t. Bella looked up at her amongst the flames, held open her arms, and Joanna did the best she could to protect her one last time. It hurt, but allowed Bella space to relay, in fantastic mental clarity, exactly what she wanted. She could bear this, would bear it, to keep Edward from suffering any more. Joanna was not to let one hint of it slip. Bella didn’t want her back in her mind either. It was her battle. Joanna couldn’t fight it for her. Bella made sure her sister felt her love for her though, and the conflicting emotions stayed with Joanna even as she broke the connection, settling back into her own body.

Joanna thought for a while, smoothing Bella’s hair absently as she reorganized her priorities. There was nothing else she could do for Bella. She had two things she needed to do though: protect Renesmee and figure out what the hell Jacob imprinting on her really meant.

Joanna would not take anyone’s free will from them, no matter how pretty she thought he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title and lyrics from 'Show Yourself' from Frozen 2.
> 
> Let me know what you guys think!  
> -Jenn
> 
> P.S. This story will earn it's mature rating in a good way in the chapter after next! I got a bit sidetracked which delayed this chapter, but somehow I'm not sure you guys will mind! ;)


	18. Overjoyed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob and Joanna time here, folks! Angst and fluff! Enjoy!

_"Feeling my hands start shaking_   
_Hearing your voice I'm overjoyed_   
_I'm sorry but I have no choice, you're only getting better_   
_Maybe you have your reasons_   
_Maybe you're scared, you're feeling down_   
_Are you crying when there's no one around?_

_Oh then maybe, maybe if you hold me baby_   
_Let me come over I would tell you secrets nobody knows_   
_I can not overstate it, I will be overjoyed_

_That smile on your face like a summer_   
_The way that your hand keeps touching mine_   
_Let me be the one to make it right_ _"_

**September 11th, 2006**

“Breakfast is ready.” Were the words that greeted Jacob as he woke up, back already protesting his upright sleeping position.

Joanna Swan stood over him, Bella’s daughter in her arms. She was beautiful. They both were, actually. Joanna laughed, a sound that had Jacob completely distracted from everything else. She smiled at the baby, who was alarmingly larger than when he’d gone to sleep. “No, Pretty, you can’t bite Jacob either.”

The baby pouted.

Joanna looked down at Jacob, “You coming?”

“Huh?” He asked.

“Boys, they never pay attention,” was directed to the baby. “Breakfast. Esme cooked. We were going to eat before I have to go home. Alice went and made it look like I’d come and gone already, but Charlie will be home from his shift and I need to make an appearance.”

The tiny vampire in question came down the stairs with a bag of clothes that didn’t smell like they’d touched a vampire’s body, “Here, Jo. Your note told Charlie we hit up an early morning door buster sale. You’re welcome!”

Joanna scowled at the vampire, but took the bag, “You totally just created an excuse to buy me clothes.”

Alice grinned, “You’re going to look amazing in them. I even put in a nice respectable pair of boots Charlie will appreciate.”

“You are a mess.” Joanna drawled, setting the bag down by what had to be her purse, which looked quite at home on the table by the door. As she moved across the room, it dawned on Jacob that she had spent more time than he’d thought with the Cullens. The urge to get his imprint away from vampires was strong, but she seemed so at home.

He finally stood up when Joanna settled into a chair at the table and started fixing a plate while Rosalie sat next to her with the baby. “I’m not sure why you guys thought she’d like formula anyway. She’s got a nice set of teeth already.” Joanna admonished, carefully cutting a tiny bite out of an over easy egg, just enough to get both runny yolk and mostly cooked white. Joanna turned her attention to the baby as Jacob took the seat on her other side. “Here, Renesmee, try this. Chew it though, like this.” Joanna let Rosalie feed the morsel to the baby while she modeled chewing with her own bite of egg.

Jacob was sure the baby would choke. Babies didn’t eat real food, but then the thing swallowed and smiled with a mouth full of teeth. Terrifying. Only a sharp glare from Joanna kept him from yanking her away when the baby reached one hand to her face.

Joanna leaned in so Renesmee could reach, and smiled a few seconds after they made contact. “Ha!” Joanna exclaimed, eyes darting up to general location of the room where Bella’s human life had ended, where Edward still kept his vigil, “I told you she’d like eggs!” She turned those vivid blue eyes back to the baby, “Your momma likes- liked- eggs, especially when you were in her tummy.”

Rosalie gave the most fond expression Jacob had seen ever grace her stony face, “Alright, Jo. You win that bet. Now eat before your breakfast gets cold.”

Joanna mocked her in a singsongy voice. Mocked a vampire. Jacob was floored that all Rosalie did was smile and start feeding the baby tiny bites of egg. Joanna turned to her own meal, but hesitated before taking another bite. “Are you going to eat?”

The confident woman that had been sitting next to him was suddenly gone. Joanna eyed him almost warily, expectant. “Uh, Yeah.” Jacob almost threw the fork across the room in his hurry to pick it up. She was at home with these vampires, but not with him. He needed to adapt sooner rather than later.

Esme Cullen looked near bursting with joy as she watched the three eat, talking with Joanna about similar food items they could have the baby try. Joanna didn’t speak to Jacob again as they ate, but she ended up with her leg barely grazing his knee.

Jacob followed her out the door when she went to leave, heading to the truck he’d repaired for Bella. “You like the truck?” He asked, because it was the only thing that came to mind that wasn’t absolutely supernatural. It seemed weird to bring imprinting up, like it would dispel the essence of humanity she had brought to the Cullen house.

Joanna smiled at him, nodding, “Yeah, I’m almost as fond of it as Bella is.” She looked at him, really looked at him for the first time all morning, and gasped. Before he could ask what was wrong, she said with a soft expression on her face, “Your eyes are incredible.”

“Yours are stunning.” He rushed in reply, “Blue suits you.”

She laughed a bit, “I’d look even more like Bells if my eyes were brown. Although, that’s going to change now too.”

A delicate silence stretched between them, but Jacob had to break it before he exploded, “You were incredible last night.”

She arched an eyebrow at him, “How so? Was it being covered in blood? Screaming like a maniac? Running my legs off? Being your imprint? Falling asleep in the middle of the woods? Telling you how pretty you are?”

Jacob smiled at her, and laughed softly, “Not many people would have the guts to challenge a pack of wolves, even less a pack of werewolves. It was brave.”

Joanna seemed startled by his answer, and then instantly her eyebrows furrowed in thought, “Does this imprinting thing make everything I do instantly okay with you?”

Jacob thought for a moment before he replied, “No. You sitting in a house full of vampires sets my teeth on edge, but if it makes you happy, I’ll get over it.”

“That’s...” She trailed off, trying to sort her thoughts, but one thing kept resurfacing. For months she’d fought almost hourly to keep her shit together, a constant tension under her skin, but when Jacob was near...stillness. Her soul seemed satisfied, and panic hadn’t greeted her all morning. Sure, he’d startled her right after she’d woken up, but...anyone else and her soul would have been halfway across the country or some shit. He made her feel normal. “I’ve never been in a real relationship.”

He gave her another one of those dazzling smiles, “Well, I haven’t really either. I mean, Bella only really ever had eyes for Edward.” He grimaced, “I wasn’t going to mention that.”

Joanna laughed, “Oh, I know. Bella has spent the last few months bemoaning your absence. I know all about how she broke her hand.”

A blush was barely visible on his dark skin, “Not my finest moment.” He shook his head as if clearing a memory from it. “You were heading home.”

She wasn’t ready to be done with him though, “You know, I could use some company.”

He opened the driver’s door for her in response, “Your chariot.”

They both laughed as she eased herself in the the truck, her legs aching from her midnight sprint. Jacob was in the other door faster than humanly possible. And it didn’t startle Joanna at all. Not even when they closed the doors. The ride was quiet, but Jacob littered it with anecdotes about the scenery. Joanna was busy thinking.

Pulling up outside Charlie’s, Joanna turned to face Jacob. “I don’t know what to do, Jacob.”

“About what?” He gazed at her with a face that mixed worry and confusion, and she wanted desperately to kiss him, despite the realizations she’d come too.

Joanna smiled sadly at him, “I have never had a normal life. I’m not sure how much you know, but...I have had choices made for me for a decade and a half. I don’t want to do that to someone else.” Because the root of the matter was, she’d already chosen him. Twelve hours, maybe a bit more, and the beautiful creature next to her was more important than anyone she didn’t share blood with. The need to protect his sweet boyishness outweighed the selfish desire to keep him. She would ruin him. Such a dirty whore could never taint him, not even if he asked sweetly.

Jacob shook his head, “This can be whatever you need...”

“No.” Joanna cut him off, “I am a big girl. I’ll be okay. I know imprinting isn’t always sexual or romantic, at least not at first, Bella told me about the young girls.” The thought of grown men following girls around had left a bad taste in her mouth, but Bella had managed to convince her they weren’t perverts. Barely. It had been their most tense conversation, and her sister had obviously left stuff out, “She never mentioned that it took away your free will. I can’t have that power over someone. It’s not right.”

“It’s in my nature, Joanna. I knew this would happen someday, when the right person came along.” Jacob argued.

“I’m not right!” Joanna yelled, vacillating between angry and sad faster than her body could keep up with. Tears welled in her eyes regardless, and her voice shook, “I don’t deserve that kind of faith. I was a whore, Jacob. I am not a good person. I am not pure, sweet Bella. I can’t go back and change it, but I can keep the darkness to myself.”

Jacob cupped one of her cheeks in his hot hand, wiping a tear away, “You are not a bad person. I want to kill anyone who has ever hurt you, who’s ever done something to make you feel this way, but you deserve someone to share the darkness with.”

“I can’t.” Joanna whispered, “You should stay away from me.”

“I can’t.” Jacob argued, looking sick.

“Jacob…Jake,” Joanna started, “I am ruined.”

She started to get out of the truck, but Jacob caught her arm. “Please, Jo, don’t send me away.”

Joanna glanced back and wished she hadn’t. He’d caught her, the piteous look on his face, the way his hand held her wrist loosely enough that she knew she could break away but knew he didn’t want her to. “Fuck.” She was out of her depth. He didn’t scare her, his presence didn’t send her into a spiral of terror, but she was just so damned bad for him. She was older, two years if she remembered right. He was barely fucking legal and she had seen and done too much. More than he could probably even imagine. He had to understand that she was a bad idea. “I’m no good for you, Jake. I am no good for anyone.”

He skimmed his hand up her arm, her skin turning to gooseflesh under his warm touch. Joanna closed her eyes and tried to turn her brain off and focus on the feeling of his hand on her body, fingers trailing up her neck, his thumb brushing over the faded scar that remained on her cheek, then his whole hand cupping her chin. “How could you ever think that?” He whispered, pressing his forehead against hers, his skin warning away the cool air seeping in through the cracked door, “I’ve known you for half a day, and that’s enough to know that’s not true. You are brave, witty, kind, you love your family, and you make awful words sound beautiful. Anyone would be lucky to have you. I intend for that person to be me. I’m not strong enough to see someone else touch you like this. Kiss you.”’

And he did. He kissed her, gentle and sweet. Jacob surrounded her, and she didn’t mind at all. He obviously didn’t really know what he was doing, but he made up for it with enthusiasm once he realized she wasn’t pulling away or trying to punch him. He was so warm. She’d been told that werewolves ran hot, had felt Jacob enough in the last few hours to know that for sure, but with his lips on hers, he seemed to burn even hotter. Joanna had frequently gone cold when she’d been with men, but that would never be an issue with Jacob, she already knew that. He would keep her warm.

She eased herself closer, straddling one of his muscled thighs, and put a hand in his soft short hair, angling his head a bit so she could deepen the kiss. So focused on how good he felt, Joanna was not at all prepared when he jerked back. Panic spiked for a second, and she was very sure she’d done something wrong. “Charlie.” Jacob whispered, eyes wide.

Panic eased, but then she was just confused, “What?”

“Charlie.” Jacob repeated, and jerked his chin towards the road…where Charlie’s cruiser was rolling down the street.

“Oh.” Joanna gasped, “Shit!” Then she took in his rigid posture and the way he was staring at the roof of the car. She couldn’t help but giggle, “Oh, Jake. We definitely don’t have time to take care of that. Come on, just think of something gross. You’ll be fine, but you’d better hurry!” Joanna left him there, sitting in the front of Bella’s truck, with an unfortunate yet impressive hard-on in his woefully unprepared shorts.

Charlie parked behind the truck, eyes narrowed at her, already suspicious, “Morning, Jo.”

Joanna grinned at him, hoping she looked at least somewhat put together. “Daddy!” She yelled, grimacing at her own shrill tone as she threw her arms around his neck.

He held her for a second, but pulled back when the truck door closed, “Jacob?”

“The truck was making a weird sound when we were out shopping. Alice knew Jacob knows it inside and out, so we called him.” Joanna turned around to fix Jacob with a reassuring smile, and almost lost the facade with how guilty he looked. She bit her lower lip, “Did you get it figured out?”

He hesitated a second longer than was preferable before bobbing his head, “Yeah, yeah, should be good to go. I’ll head out now. My, uh, bike is over there. I’ve got a meeting with Sam soon.” He looked like he’d rather put his hand in a garbage disposal than leave, but he started walking towards the trees.

“Jacob!” Charlie called, a hand on Joanna’s shoulder. Jacob looked just as nervous as she felt.

“Yes, sir?” Jacob choked out.

“It’s good to see you. I know Billy is glad you’re home.” Charlie said in a friendly tone that gained a harsher edge with his next words, “Next time you visit, come inside.”

Jacob swallowed once, hard. Charlie was not stupid. “Of course, sir.” He dared look at Joanna again, “Bye, Joanna.”

Joanna and Charlie stood until Jacob had completely disappeared. When she looked up at her dad, he was grinning, “Always liked that kid.”

He was not stupid at all, “Dad!”

Charlie shrugged, “He’s a good kid. Respectful. Has some marketable skills. He why you’ve been so cagey these last few weeks?”

Shit, she hated lying to him, but no reasonable person would understand her making out with a boy she’d known for less than a day that she didn’t intend to have a one night stand with. It would be better to go with it. “Uh, yeah. We haven’t told Bella.”

Charlie gave her shoulder a tiny shake, “He being a gentleman? I know you’ve…”

Joanna rushed to stop him, “Woah, Daddy, yup, he’s a gentleman. Very respectful. No need to worry on that front.”

Then Charlie looked a bit concerned, “JoJo, your sister put that kid through hell. I love you, but Billy is my best friend. He might not speak to me if both my girls hurt his boy.”

Damn, every day Joanna found another reason to love him. He was the best dad, supportive, protective, but he was a good man too. Joanna kissed his cheek, “I’m not planning on it.” And she wasn’t. She was already missing Jacob, which was insane. She was nuts, obviously.

Charlie nodded, and followed her into the house, “That’s enough for today. You eat lunch yet?”

Joanna sat with Charlie while he ate, feeling awful about the reality that he was losing Bella for real. He lived in a different world, and while Joanna could probably see her sister again someday, Charlie would lose his younger daughter in two days, just when he’d finally had both of them again. And he had no idea.

Jacob was waiting for her when she made it up to her room. Joanna just shook her head at him, not at all concerned that he was there, “It really is a wonder how Bella managed to stay a virgin for so long. You and Edward certainly spent enough time in here.” His face flushed, and she found herself determined to make him look like that as often as possible. He was adorable. It would have been so much easier to resist if he’d been hideous. “Thought you were leaving?”

He smiled at her, “I didn’t want to leave yet.”

Joanna sighed at him, “I am still a terrible idea.”

Jacob crossed the room from his perch inside the window, and brushed some strands of hair out of her eyes, “You don’t hate me though.”

She really tried not to smile at him, but he had firmly wedged himself into her heart, “No, I don’t.”

“You don’t hate kissing me either.” He declared, looking far too pleased with himself.

Joanna shook her head, “No, Jacob.” She reached up and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, staring into his dark eyes, “You are the first man I’ve ever actually wanted to kiss again.”

That same damned boyish grin broke out across his face, and he radiated joy, “Good. I think I need practice.”

She shrugged, playing coy, “I mean…I wasn’t going to say anything.” He definitely took her words as a challenge, and they spent a long while just kissing and smiling. Until he really did have to leave to talk to Sam about…everything. Joanna called to check in on Bella and Renesmee, and Rosalie gladly filled her in on how perfect their shared niece was. Joanna changed clothes after hanging up, and pulled the curtains closed. It was late afternoon, but she planned on getting up early. She tucked herself into bed, a smile on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title and lyrics from 'Overjoyed' by Matchbox Twenty.
> 
> Coming up next: A Jacob/Sam altercation leads to some much steamier Jacob/Joanna times!
> 
> Let me know what you think! I'm in love with your comments and promise I will reply if I haven't already!  
> -Jenn


	19. Treacherous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joanna breaks up the boys' club, and then more Joanna/Jacob fluff!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are great! I am finished with the school year, so I should have more time to write now! Enjoy!

_"Put your lips close to mine,  
_ _As long as they don't touch,_  
 _Out of focus, eye to eye_ ,  
 _'Til the gravity's too much._  
 _And I'll do anything you say,_  
 _If you say it with your hands_.  
 _And I'd be smart to walk away,_  
 _But you're quicksand._

_This slope is treacherous_   
_This path is reckless_   
_This slope is treacherous_   
_And I, I, I like it"_

**September 12th, 2006**

Joanna woke with a pounding headache. Or so she thought. After a few seconds of sitting in the dark bedroom, she realized her initial assumption had been incorrect. The howls of wolves were echoing in her head. Instincts she’d never known before filled in the blanks. Something was wrong. With Jacob.

She lunged across the bedroom and threw the door open. She needed to see what was wrong, but at least Charlie might check on her when he got up. He was going to be up for work early, and could help if she was in trouble. There wasn’t time to make a better plan. Carlisle could chastise her later. The howls were joined by shrill yips, and Joanna settled back onto her bed. She closed her eyes, for all appearances trying to go to sleep again. Now that she knew him though, it was easy to let herself drift to Jacob’s side.

He was in wolf form, blood matting in his gorgeous fur, surrounded by all of the wolves as he and Sam circled each other, growling. Joanna watched in horror as they jumped and collided in mid air. Sam yipped, staggering as he landed, apparently wounded by Jacob’s teeth. She didn’t care about him, keeping her eyes on Jacob to make sure he was okay. He had a bleeding gash on his leg, but seemed to be winning.

Jacob’s gaze caught Joanna’s stare. Just like the first time they’d met, Joanna sighed, an unknown weight lifting off her shoulders. Like Bella, he could see her. He was okay. Blue and shimmering brown locked together, only torn asunder when Sam took advantage of Jacob’s distraction. Jacob struggled with him, tried to keep his eyes on Joanna, and she knew the moment the tide in their fight changed. Sam crushed one of Jacob’s legs in his powerful jaws. The sound that was wrenched from Jacob’s muzzle broke Joanna.

She moved forward, to where Sam was continuing to dominate the fight, and put her hands out. No one else could see her, no one knew what she was doing, no one but Jacob, who’s eyes seemed to be begging her to leave. Joanna ignored him. Sam had no right to hurt Jacob. Somewhere in the last day, he’d become hers. Sam did not get to hurt him. Not if she could help it. Joanna focused on what she wanted, just as she’d done since she’d started exploring her power, and shoved Sam with all her strength. She was human, he was not, but, being unseen, she’d been able to wait until the right moment to try to push him off Jacob.

It worked. Sam stumbled.

Joanna stared at her hands in awe.

Jacob brought himself back to his feet, and put himself between them.

Joanna felt dizzy, ill even past the triumph of helping her wolf. She’d never been able to touch anything. “I’ll be here soon.” She said, hoping Jacob could hear her. Then she turned her attention to her body, on making the two parts whole again. It took longer than ever before.

Charlie was sitting on the bed beside her when she opened her eyes. His face was pale and tense, but automatically relaxed when he realized she was awake, “Hell, JoJo, thought you were dead for a second there. You looked a little blue.”

Joanna shook her head, breathing hard, sucking in the oxygen her body had apparently forgotten it needed. “Sorry. Just a nightmare.”

He did not look convinced.

Joanna glanced at her phone, and pretended to read, “I’ve got to go. Jacob needs...a hand with something.”

“It’s awfully early.” Charlie commented with a frown, still sitting on the bed while she got up to pull a hoodie on over the tank she’d slept in, “You sure you feel okay?”

Joanna put on a sweet smile, hoping she was accurately concealing her worry, “Yeah, I’m fine! I’ll go help him, maybe see Bells. You have anything you want me to tell her?”

His frown deepened, “She still not able to call?”

Joanna shook her head, “No, but...um...maybe in a couple days.” He huffed, turning away when she swapped her shorts for jeans. Living in such a strange supernatural world with her past, social norms often were forgotten. Joanna hated when she lapsed in front of Charlie. He had not needed to see her in her lace panties, even if she was in a rush. Joanna cursed softly, “Sorry, Daddy. Modesty is not really my thing. I’m in a hurry. Forgot!”

“It’s fine. I’ve changed your diapers.” Charlie grumbled, giving her a tiny grin.

Joanna laughed, pulling her shoes back on, ignoring a droplet of dried blood on them, “True! You’re going to Port Angeles today, right?”

He nodded, following her down the stairs, “Conference till five, then back here for a night shift.”

“I’ll see you for breakfast tomorrow then! We can meet at the diner.” Joanna said, grabbing her keys before brushing a kiss to his cheek, “I’ll call you. Bye, Daddy!”

“Bye, JoJo.” He said, but he had the look on his face that told her he knew, deep down, that something was not okay.

Joanna drove as quickly as she could, glad her memory was good enough that she vaguely remembered how to get to the reservation. She drove through the town, ignoring the looks from the few residents stirring so early. The sun was barely beginning to come up after all.

It took a half hour from when she left the field for her to dress, shake off Charlie, and drive to where her brain told her Jacob was. The howls has stopped, but she still felt Jacob, like an invisible string now tied them together. Was that how he felt too? She parked the truck beside a red barn, and let the pull of her soul guide her into the forest where Jacob had to be.

The men and Leah were all back in human form, which explained the quiet in her head. Some of them had put shorts on, but most were naked. She didn’t spare them another glance. Jacob and Sam were seated on a log, talking. Both of them were grimacing in pain and their russet skin covered in bites and deep cuts. Joanna hissed in anger as she stomped into the clearing, fury making her blood pound through her veins. She didn’t have space for fear. He had hurt Jacob, and Jacob was hers. She approached the alphas fearlessly.

Jacob looked towards her as soon as they all registered her arrival, but failed to come to his feet, one knee apparently struggling greatly to heal, “Jo?”

“Told you I’d be here soon.” She whispered, striding up to him and looking him over. She cupped his face in her hands, “You win?”

He smiled at her, resisting the urge to nuzzle her hands in front of all the other men, “Sam and I have come to a new agreement.”

Joanna shot a glare at the other alpha, but brushed her thumb gently over a split in Jacob’s lip. He looked like girls who displeased their pimp. They usual didn’t live though. Jacob was too pretty to look like this, and the thought of him being killed made her stomach roll. Joanna found a healing gash on his head, and knew if he’d been human, he’d be dead, “I don’t like this.”

“We’ve worked it out. Everything is fine.” He smiled again, his lip protesting, and a drop of blood wrenched itself free before the skin healed back over. It was awful, but fascinating to watch.

Joanna stepped away from him, letting her hands fall to her side as she regarded Sam, sitting naked a few feet away. Edward had said something the night Renesmee had been born. None of these men would put a hand on her. A strange sense of power settled over her. She had never had more control than she had right now. It was borrowed power, safety due to Jacob’s affection for her, but she did not care. She dropped her shoulders, and stared Sam down, “You will not lay a hand on him again.”

Sam sneered at her, “What happened is Pack business. He needs to grow up. He’ll heal. Leave. You’re not welcome here.”

Joanna stood over him, pleased to see one of his legs was still very obviously broken. “You know what they say, right? Bullies are often overcompensating.” She dropped her eyes pointedly to his crotch. “Guess it’s true.”

Sam growled, body shaking.

“Jo!” Jacob yelled in warning, grabbing her elbow with the arm that wasn’t broken.

She shrugged him off, “No, Jacob. He needs to understand you are mine.”

Jacob let her go, and she could imagine his stunned expression. She wanted to turn around, but kept her eyes on Sam, “Go ahead, show your men you can’t take a little sass from a puny human. That’s a great way to get them to want to follow you.”

Sam growled, “You’re stupid to taunt a wolf.”

Joanna shook her head, “No. You’re stupid to be so small minded. My sister and niece are not a threat to your people. Me on the other hand, I can be very threatening.” She launched one hand forward, grasping his exposed privates in her hand and twisting viciously before he could move. A human man would never be able to father children. He jerked forward and went completely still, gasping in pain, Joanna whispered into his ear, ignoring the men who had stepped in closer to protect their alpha, “You will not fight with Jacob again. He will still beat you, and you will lose the respect of your people.”

Wisely, she let go before he had a chance to get his wits about him, and, wary of the story Bella had told her about Emily, returned to Jacob’s side. “Come on, Jake. We need to get you cleaned up.” Seth helped her maneuver Jacob to her truck, but kept his distance from her once Jacob was in the vehicle, gasping from the pain of unhealed bones moving from the movement. Seth gave her a small wave, but seemed eager to get back to his sister. She had no clue why.

Joanna drove in silence, calming herself down with deep breaths and recalling the anguished look that had been in Sam’s face when she had twisted his testicles. How many times had she wanted to do that over her life? A lot. She’d been crazy to do it to a werewolf, but it went to prove that, at his core, he was a man. And most men were absolutely controlled by what hung between their legs. Sam would likely think twice before picking a bone with Jacob. Oh, but men didn’t often like being undermined by women in front of their friends. Would Jacob feel that way? It had felt so good though.

Once off the reservation lands, Joanna put the truck in park and turned to Jacob, “I went too far, didn’t I? That was bad.”

He gave her a sweet, indulgent smile that instantly dispelled her nerves, “I mean, you’re stunning when you’re angry. Terrifying though. He could have killed you. You do something like that again, I’ll have a heart attack.”

Joanna eased closer to him, wary of his still odd looking arm. “I’ll try, but Sam and I will never be friends. I don’t like seeing you hurt.”

“How did you even know?” Jacob asked, brushing hair out of her face with his good hand.

“I woke up with howls in my head. Think I’ve got a faulty connection to werewolf radio. I came to you and saw you fighting.” Joanna told him.

Jacob narrowed his eyes at her, “You shoved Sam. Just what can you do?”

Joanna shrugged, “I don’t know. That’s the first time I’ve touched anyone. I was just really scared and angry. I needed to protect you. Was that against some Pack rules?”

He chuckled and gasped in pain at the same time. “Oh, maybe. We can keep it between us though, no one else even noticed he didn’t just lose his balance. I kind of thought I was hallucinating.” He held her hand and stared at her pale face, “I’ve never heard of an imprinting bond going both ways in any way. It’s usually completely one sided.”

Joanna scowled at his still bleeding wounds, and put the truck back into gear, easing back onto the highway, leaving her hand in his the whole time, “Thought you were supposed to heal fast.”

“We fought hard. I won though.” Was his explanation. Silence followed, and when she dared to glance at him, Jacob was fast asleep.

When she parked in front of her house, Joanna woke him with a kiss. He’d just looked too cute not to. “Come on, you need a shower.”

He was obviously exhausted, and let her lead him into the house and managed to get up the stairs before something in his leg gave out. Luckily, Joanna managed to plop him onto the closed toilet. “You need to stop being so stubborn and let me help you.” Joanna scolded, turning the shower on and closing the door.

“I’ve got it.” Jacob told her, but failed again to get his body to cooperate.

Joanna put her hands on her hips, “Jacob, you can barely stand. I don’t think you can really handle cracking your head open right now.”

“I’ll heal.” He said, but then seemed to start thinking. “You’re going to help me shower?”

Joanna nodded, pulling out a pair of towels and a small stack of worn wash cloths, “You are covered in dirt and blood, and I think some of those wounds need some attention even if you will heal soon.” She grabbed a new bar of soap too, “I’m not Carlisle, but I’ve nursed my share of beatings before. Mine and other girls.” She hummed once, “Never done dog bites though. I’m sure I can figure it out. Not like you’re going to get rabies. It should be fine!”

She pulled her hoodie off and Jacob’s mouth went completely dry. There was no way he would argue with her. He wanted her hands on him, badly. In any way she was willing. “O-okay.”

Joanna smirked at how his eyes lingered on her body. The tank top she’d worn to bed didn’t leave much to the imagination, and her jeans were form fitting. She realized smugly that she liked the way he looked at her. After unhooking the shower head from its holder and letting it dangle, water spraying against the shower wall, she held a hand out to Jacob, “Come on, handsome. Water’s warm now.” She paused, “Is water ever warm enough for you?”

“It’ll be fine.” Jacob rushed, and when she helped him ease into the shower, they both quickly realized he was not going to make it standing. He leaned against the wall and slid into the tub while Joanna ran downstairs to grab a pitcher. Joanna started with his bum knee, directing the water to that leg and probing with gentle fingers once it was cleaned off. She was meticulous, cleaning all the grime off of him, and it was the most intimate moment he’d experience in his short life. He found himself drifting off to sleep again, more relaxed than he’d ever been. 

Joanna woke him with another kiss, “Sleepy head, sit up. I need to wash your hair.”

Jacob followed her directions, and realized he’d never before known how good it felt to have someone else wash his hair for him. He’d had haircuts before, of course, but Joanna’s nimble fingers were completely different. The erection in his soggy shorts had never happened with any barber. Shit. She had a history, he’d been told by his father to go easy and Billy had even warned him he’d probably have to console himself in the future. Joanna did not want this. It would not endear him to her. He needed to get rid of it.

Joanna poured water over his head, one hand over his eyes to keep the water out. She sat back when she was done, her tank top damp and sticking to her breasts. The peaked nipples visible through that damned shirt did not help him at all. She smiled, pleased with herself. “There. Only thing left is...” Her eyes drifted pointedly to his pants. There was no way she didn’t notice his erection. She was going to hate him.

His face flushed and he stared up at the tiled ceiling, “I am so sorry.”

Joanna made him look at her, and shocked him with her words, “Hey, no. It’s natural.” She bit her lip, “And, I don’t mind it. I still think you’re too good for me, but...I like you. I wouldn’t keep kissing you otherwise. In my head, you’re mine already." She smirked, "Glad your little head agrees.”

They both laughed at her joke, the tension in Jacob’s body easing. “I think I can stand now.”

Joanna nodded in understanding, “I’ll get the first aid kit from the kitchen. Meet me in my room and we can nurse the worst of those wounds of yours.”

He managed to not fall over, and peeled off his wet denim shorts without cracking his head against the tile like she’d been afraid of. Fortunately, the struggle with his sopping wet shorts put the kibosh on his erection. Still, he had to focus on not getting another as he sat on the bed, a towel wrapped around his waist, waiting on her to join him. On a bed. Whilst he was essentially naked. He was doomed. It seemed like she was coming around faster than his dad had warned, but he would push her away again by being a horny teen-aged boy. Damn.

He jumped when she opened the door.

Joanna had changed clothes, he noted, wearing a dry T-shirt and cotton shorts when she came back into the bedroom with the first aid kit in her hands, “Sorry, I called to check in on Bella and Renesmee. Nothing new, baby’s just getting bigger every hour. Edward is apparently about to crawl out of his skin. He’s really a…” She stopped mid ramble, eyes looking him up and down, “Shit.” She pinched her eyes closed, but he could smell how her scent had changed. He’d done that. She really liked the way he looked on her bed, just as much as he liked being there. He’d never been so happy for his dad to be wrong about anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title and lyrics from 'Treacherous' by Taylor Swift.
> 
> Uh...the next chapter is 95% Jo and Jacob in bed, 5% drama. You guys aren't interested in that at all, are you? ;)
> 
> Let me know what you think! And anything you'd like to see with these two crazy kids!  
> -Jenn


	20. Taking Chances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 100% Jacob + Joanna content here! If you are not in to sexy times, you should probably skip...pretty much all of this chapter.

_"You don't know about my past and_  
 _I don't have a future figured out._  
 _And maybe this is goin' too fast_ ,  
 _And maybe it's not meant to last._

_But what do you say to takin' chances?_   
_What do you say to jumpin' off the edge?_   
_Never knowin' if there's solid ground below,_   
_Or a hand to hold or hell to pay._

  
_What do you say? What do you say?_

_I just wanna start again._   
_And maybe you could show me how to try?_   
_Maybe you could take me in,_   
_Somewhere underneath your skin."_

**September 12th, 2006**

“You were going to play nurse?” Jacob asked with mock innocence, sounding braver than he felt. She was his world, and doing the wrong thing had him absolutely terrified.

Joanna nodded her head, “Yup. You’re hurt. I’m going to hell…help.” She just barely managed to clean and close the wounds with butterfly bandages that hadn’t already closed without being distracted by how otherwise perfect his body was. She’d seen a lot of bodies, but there was usually a reason that her services, rather than those of a willing woman, were needed. He was unnaturally perfect, and when his still fractured forearm had been wrapped with gauze, there was nothing to hide the electricity that seemed to be filling the air between them.

“My sister is crazy.” Joanna told him, pushing the first aid kit unceremoniously off the bed. “How did she not love you? You’re beautiful and sweet and warm.”

“Maybe she knew we were both waiting on you.” Jacob told her, and the truth of his statement struck the both of them.

Joanna nodded again, “Yeah. Bella’s good like that.”

Jacob sighed, “I should go home.”

“No!” Joanna said, a bit too loudly, and then grimaced, “I want you to stay. You could need me. My help. Fuck.” She looked down at the purple comforter, “I don’t want to be apart from you right now. It’s stupid. I am bad for you, but...I’m selfish.”

“I don’t think that.” Jacob told her, reaching across the space between them to kiss her.

They both got lost in the kiss, Joanna easing herself closer to straddle his lap, careful and intimately aware of the lingering gashes and bite wounds. His new erection pressed against her, and they both shivered. Joanna pulled out of the kiss, but kept her forehead against his, “I want you too. But I don’t think we’re ready. I don’t want to freak out and ruin it. You deserve better than that. We should talk first, really talk.”

“Whatever you want.” Jacob promised, “As long as you’re safe and happy.”

“So you’ve said.” Joanna quipped, a teasing smile on her face as she pushed him gently onto his back, “I don’t really want talk right now.”

“I—“ He began, finding it hard to breathe as she settled across his good leg, “—I’ve never done this before.”

Joanna blinked at him, noting how his inhumanly toned chest heaved with effort. “What?”

Jacob closed his eyes, his voice a little softer. “I’ve never done this.”

“Like…had someone take care of you?” Joanna asked, pulling back, confused. She stroked a hand up and down his uninjured arm though, knowing he wouldn’t do well if she cut contact.

He found himself staring up at the ceiling again as embarrassment flooded through him. He gave a slow shake of his head, taking a deep breath. “No. No, that isn’t what I mean.”

There was a second, or maybe a dozen, that passed—ones where Jacob increasingly wanted to just sink into the mattress and disappear—before she finally spoke again. “So, you’ve never…anything?”

A heavy inhale through his nostrils before he breathed out: “No.”

“Oh,” she answered softly. “Wow. Okay.” She had been so focused on her fury, on worry about Bella, on her panic of seeing him injured, she had not even considered that the sweet man next to her was a virgin in absolutely every way. They really were worlds apart. But still, she wanted him, wanted to prove to herself that she could make him feel good without feeling like a whore. “Do you want to?”

He turned his face to look at her incredulously. “Do I…?”

“Want to,” she repeated, edging closer to him again.

“I…” He stuttered. “You mean—”

Joanna moved slowly, easing her body back between his spread thighs. The hard length of his cock was just in front of her, tenting the towel. “I could help you with that,” Joanna whispered, feeling somehow in her element again, which should have terrified her, yet she was absolutely alive with the possibility that she was offering because she wanted to, really wanted to, not that she had to.

His mouth closed just to open again. “You could… help me?”

“Well, yeah,” she laughed, a bit of unease seeping in. He deserved his first time to be with someone who loved him, and she wasn’t there yet, didn’t know if she could be, “I mean, only if you want me to. Not all the way, but…”

Jacob would have jolted off the bed if he hadn’t been injured, “You mean… When you say you want to… You mean that you…”

“Want to touch your penis.” There. She’d said it. What she wanted to do for a change.

Jacob almost swallowed his tongue whole.

He was trying to formulate a coherent response, trying to remember what words were in general—and so it took him a few seconds longer than it should to register Joanna. Her expression twisted in thought, her teeth working at her lower lip. “Maybe I could… touch you a little first? Not there? Would that be okay?” He was just so beautiful, kind, sweet, and he’d been hurt protecting her family. Joanna wanted to make him happy, needed him to feel good.

“Touch me?” He stared up at her with his mouth parted, feeling a trace of that same wariness, but lessened now, nearly overridden by the steady thump of his heart.

She nodded, blue eyes fixed on him, “Then maybe I can touch your dick. Would that be okay?”

“Would that be”—he was still staring at her—“okay?”

“Mhm.” She hummed, still biting her lower lip.

He wanted to kiss her, but he hurt too much to reach her from his current position. One pesky rib still hadn’t healed. “Yes.” He said finally, the one word sounding more desperate than he cared to admit.

Joanna ran her hands over each one of his bandaged wounds, seemingly checking up on the healing like she had before, and, at first, he was confused. Until she started pressing soft kisses to each one, her lips careful to stay away from the raw spots, but close enough that the kisses on sensitive new nerves had him close to coming into the towel wrapped around his waist. She spent what felt like hours attending to every healing bite and slash and quickly fading bruise, muttering about how she couldn’t bear to see him hurt, cursing Sam with a slew of words Jacob could never repeat. He had gotten so caught up in being coddled like this that he’d almost forgotten what she had planned, at least until she placed a kiss on one of his nipples, “Don’t think he got me there.”

Joanna grinned at him, a wicked glint to her blue eyes, “I have to check, right? Can’t have any of the equipment not working.”

His retort was completely forgotten when she bent back down and sucked his nipple into her mouth, swirling her tongue around the hardened peak. When she abandoned it in favor of the other one, Jacob’s hips unwittingly arched off the bed.

Joanna gave his nipple one last teasing graze of her teeth before smiling down at him, her cheeks flushed a delicious pink, “I’ve got you, Jacob. Don’t worry.” She kissed him chastely.

And then started unwrapping him like a present on Christmas morning. His cock came into view as she pulled the last of the towel off, and it sprang free, jutting up between them. Her hand stilled from where she’d been reaching for him, her fingers curling towards her palm as she bit her lip again. Her voice was impossibly soft when she asked, “Can I touch you, Jacob?”

He didn’t know if he audibly answered, but he nodded up at her almost as if in a trance, eyes fixed on her hand that was so so close. Her eyes never seemed to leave his dick, but she somehow knew what he’d been trying to communicate and moved again at last.

“Lovely” she sighed airily, her fingers gently touching the head. She massaged the skin there lightly, teasing him more than anything, but in a way he could no longer breath. The handoff his penis wasn’t his own, and every sensation was heightened, “God, Jacob. You’re fucking huge.”

He couldn’t describe what it did to him to hear this beautiful creature, his imprint, praise him as she did, and his entire body shivered, whether from her touch or that bit of awe in her voice, he couldn’t be sure. “Jo,” he choked out. “That’s— shit.” Pride and anger waged war inside of him. She thought he was lovely, huge even, and that was enough to have any man preening, but it also reminded him that she’d been through so much, had so much done to her. He wanted to kill everyone who had ever dared touch her.

Joanna fisted him a little tighter, obviously wanting his complete attention on the present, and she drew her hand down. He hissed out a breath through his teeth, completely back with her. “It’s okay,” she cooed breathily, giving a lazy stroke down his shaft and back up again. “Just relax. I am going to take care of you.” She kissed his thigh again, lingering to look him in the eyes as she straightened up, her grip on his cock still firm, “I’m doing this because I want to. With you.”

He wasn’t sure how he didn’t lose it right then. The bravery and soft comfort of her voice, her thin fingers wrapped around him like they were, the way she touched him, everything was so much more than he could ever have imagined. His hands hovered shakily near her thighs, unsure what to do with them, and Joanna’s free hand slid over the back of one of his to guide him, showing him what was okay. His palms came to rest against warm thighs that were soft, so soft—his fingers curling slightly to grip her skin as she stroked him a little faster. 

“Is this okay?” Her thumb rubbed a little. “It doesn’t hurt, does it? I know you’re sensitive.”

Jacob thought that he may have laughed, but it didn’t sound quite right. It sounded like Sam had tried to take a chunk out of his throat. Which he hadn’t. She hesitated, and Jacob rushed to answer with actual words, “It doesn’t hurt. It definitely doesn’t hurt.”

One side of her mouth turned up in a little smile, and she stroked him with a little more purpose, making his entire body shudder. She got closer to his face, close enough that he could feel the warmth of her breath, smell the evidence of her own arousal. His cock was pressed between them a little, even as her fist continued to work him steadily, but her mouth is so close now.

She braced her body against him with one palm flat against his chest, the other still moving between them as it brought his cock closer and closer to the inevitable end. He made a sound that would probably embarrass him later, but he pressed up, giving all the urging she needed. Joanna responded instantly, her mouth soft and warm and slightly wet against his, a satisfied sigh escaping when she pulled up to breathe. Jacob’s lashes fluttered closed when she returned to their kiss, and his hands moved of their own accord, sliding up over her hips to hold her steady at the waist, and her hand just kept moving. 

He could feel it, that hot pressure licking low in his abdomen as it built and built. Her fist worked him a little disjointedly now with the angle of their bodies more pressed together, but it didn’t seem to matter, his cock couldn’t differentiate anything beyond the heat of her hand and the slight wet that it spread as she smeared the stickiness of his precum to make a mess between them. There were sounds growing in his chest that were some unearthly mix of man and wolf, even though the latter was quite happily tucked away in the back of his mind. Jacob pulled her closer, holding her to his front as her wet palm worked him as thoroughly as she could with the weight of her body pressed on top of his. 

She only stopped kissing him when his mouth went slack and his breaths came laboriously, huffing against her cheek. Her lips wandered to kiss at his jaw, tracing a path below it as her tongue slid just over his pulse point. Every muscle in his body felt as if it was drawn too tight, his balls felt heavy and his cock felt nearly fit to bursting—most likely because it is.

“Jo,” he huffed. “Joanna. I’m gonna—”

“Come on, Jacob,” she whispered sweetly, kissing just below his ear. “You can come.”

And maybe he was waiting for permission, maybe it wouldn’t have mattered either way—because his mouth fell open, and his eyes shut tight, and he felt every time he jerked against her palm. His cock twitched heavily as wet warmth leaked through her fingers, wrapped tight around the head now, seeped out to make a mess of his muscled stomach that heaved beneath it. He could feel it pooling into his navel, feel her fist sliding against the line of hair that trailed beneath it, and he shuddered through his orgasm as his teeth ground together and stars bloomed behind his eyelids. Joanna kept her lips on his the whole time, smothering the sounds he made, relishing in each one of them in a way she never had before.

He felt dizzy and breathless after, almost as if he was floating—the warm weight of her lithe body above his the only thing that brought him back down to Earth. Her lips still moved sweetly against his skin, tracing a path to his lips to brush there, and he inhaled unsteadily as she applied a warm pressure. Her kiss felt almost too soft with the way his cum was cooling between them. Her fingers trailed through the mess he’d made, her lips curling against his as a breathy little laugh escaped her. “You feel better?” He couldn’t answer her, grinning dazedly, and she kissed him again, “Stay here. I need to clean you up again.”

Joanna wasn’t gone for more than thirty seconds, armed with a warm wet wash cloth and a clean dry towel. She cleaned him up for the second time in the same morning. He was still stunned with how gentle she was, and didn’t take his eyes off of her the entire time, taking in her flushed cheeks and the satisfaction that rose on her face when she found a wound that didn’t need a bandage anymore. “You are amazing.” He said when she’d sat the cloth down.

Joanna wanted to protest, but he was just so beautiful and sweet. She had expected to feel guilty after, guilty for taking even a sliver of his innocence, but she didn’t. Nothing had happened like she’d expected. He had come apart for her. A damned werewolf had let her hold him in the palm of her hand and he had relinquished complete control. Not one ounce of fear had touched her. Actually, for the first time ever, her body had reacted to true attraction, and she reveled in the tight feeling of pent up desire at her core as she settled onto the bed at his side. She wanted to try everything with him, absolutely everything, even quiet mornings sipping coffee before work. 

He kissed her, moving to rest on a forearm that was no longer broken, and she had to laugh when they parted, “You’re a quick study.”

He gave her another one of those irresistible boyish grins, “I try. You are perfect.”

Joanna gave him a sad smile, knowing that she was far from perfect. Her body was damaged, and he hadn’t seen the scars she covered. He needed to know everything. “I need to tell you about me, Jacob. If we are going to take this chance, you need to know…me.”

They stayed in bed into the afternoon hours, Jacob listening as Joanna wove a tale of horrors he’d only seen on TV. He listened well, making a list of all the people he needed to kill or permanently maim, but he only let his rage surface once, right at the end. Joanna had looked panicked for a moment, but he’d noticed instantly and calmed himself. She had smiled at him then, and pulled him back down to her side. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m okay. Are you okay?” Jacob asked her tentatively.

Joanna nodded, one hand on his chest, feeling the steady thrum of his heart under her fingers, “I am. I feel better. I’ve told you things no one else knows.” She kissed his chest, remembering the few things she hadn’t been brave enough to divulge. They would get there. “Maybe next time you share? I want to know everything about you.”

He was absolutely beaming, “Definitely.”

Joanna forced herself to get out of bed, “I need to check on Renesmee and Bella. Come with?”

Jacob nodded, wrapping yet another dry towel around his waist, “I have clothes stashed near the house I’ll grab.” He stopped suddenly in the kitchen, “Bella’s birthday is tomorrow.”

“Yes…” Joanna drawled, grabbing a jacket from the coat rack.

“Your birthday is tomorrow.” He whispered.

Joanna laughed at him, “That’s how twins work. Should be the first day of her new life.”

Jacob kissed her, “We’ll have a lot to celebrate. Come on, I’ll drive.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title and Lyrics from 'Taking Chances' by Celine Dion. Seriously, give the whole song a listen if you aren't familiar, it echos almost everything going on in Joanna's mind.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Questions, comments, concerns? I would love to know what you think!  
> -Jenn


	21. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some family fluff, Joanna says goodbye to her human sister, and greets her vampire sister.

_"Now as the light starts to rise_   
_Now as the day opens wide_   
_Now as the dreams slips away_   
_You wake to the day_   
_You wake to the light_

_Here as your dream falls away_   
_Feel as the dark turns to day_   
_Leave the shadows behind_   
_And the dream called in blind_   
_Turn into the light_

_Far off in the distance_   
_A fire comes to life_   
_A flicker of a flame breaks through the dark_   
_Burning soft and bright_   
_Dancing with the light_   
_Awakening the Heavens and the Earth"_

**September 12-13th, 2006**

At the Cullen house, Alice was not happy to see Joanna. “I haven’t been able to see you at all!”

Joanna shrugged, feeling a blush come to her cheeks, “I’ve…uh…been with Jacob.”

Rosalie plopped Renesmee into Joanna’s arms, nose wrinkled, “Yeah, we can ALL tell. You reek of Mutt. Renesmee will need a bath after she’s done with you.”

Joanna ignored the blonde, focused on her niece, “Hey there, Pretty. How was your day?”

Renesmee showed it all to her, and she barely noticed when Jacob settled onto the sofa next to her. Edward came down, stood behind her, and they all grimaced when Alice snapped a picture and squealed into the silent room, “Perfect!”

“Huh?” Jacob asked eloquently.

Alice was beaming, “I’m making a baby book for Renesmee. From this angle, you can’t even tell it’s not Bella holding her! It’ll fit right in! Jo, you’ll need to change shirts before baking your birthday cake so I can get pictures that are actually with you.”

“Birthday cake?” Joanna asked, brightening and ignoring her irritation at being her twin’s body double, “I’ve never had one before!” Esme gasped, and Jacob looked like he wanted to punch something. Joanna ignored them, rocking the baby excitedly and coming to her feet, “Ness, we’re going to bake a cake! I don’t know how, but Grandma Esme is sure to be a great teacher.”

“Ness.” Jacob echoed, “Loch Ness Monster…Nessie! Much better!” He leaned over Joanna’s shoulder, “Hey, Nessie, I’m Jacob.”

Joanna rolled her eyes at him, “I’d pick another nickname ASAP. Bella is not going to like that one, Jake. Not at all!”

Renesmee clapped a hand on Jacob’s arm, and he froze for a second before pulling away and grinning triumphantly at Joanna, “Nessie likes it! She likes me too!”

“Wonderful.” Rosalie snapped, slamming a bag of flour onto the counter with enough force to cause a brief white-out.

Edward gave a chuckle so small Joanna thought she might have misheard, “She thinks you smell like dinner, Jacob.”

Joanna frowned, handing the baby to Rosalie as she told her, “No biting Jacob or Aunt Jo. Basically, if it can talk back, you don’t put your lovely teeth anywhere near.”

Judging by the expression on her face, Renesmee was vastly disappointed. The half-human rallied though when Rosalie propped her up on the counter so she could see the process of baking a chocolate birthday cake. Alice didn’t let more than a minute pass during the cake baking process without snapping a picture. About half way through, Renesmee suddenly realized she didn’t need to rely on Rosalie’s supporting frame and started sitting up on her own, only wobbling once when Joanna almost dropped a mixing bowl and made a squawking noise that caught her niece by surprise. 

Joanna grinned at the baby, “All good. Aunt Jo is just clumsy. Your momma was worse though. There would be flour every where if she were down here with us.” She giggled, taking a bit of flour that had spilled on the counter and dabbing it on Renesmee’s nose and cheeks. “Don’t worry, Ness, I’m sure you’ll get a chance to make a mess next time.” Joanna turned her attention back to Esme who was ready with the next instruction.

They were all startled when Renesmee made a strange sound, and Jacob, who had ended up next to her, laughed deeply. He looked up at the vampires staring at him in confusion and worry, “She tasted the flour.” He said in way of explanation, “She is completely disgusted with Joanna for being excited about something that must taste nasty.”

Joanna frowned impishly at him, and smeared flour on his face, giving him a quick peck before wiping the flour off Renesmee’s face, “Ness, when it’s done, you will see. I love chocolate cake!”

Alice insisted they change clothes, move the baking supplies around, and change the intensity of the kitchen lights to simulate another baking day now that Renesmee was sitting up on her own. It created a natural break for Carlisle to measure Renesmee again, and for Joanna to pretend to steal a private moment with Jacob in a house full of super hearing equipped immortals. “Having fun?”

Jacob smiled at her, that easy boyish grin that made her heart flutter in her chest, “I am, actually. You’re happy, and the kid is a surprisingly good commentator for a non-verbal two day old. She loves you, so we agree on a lot.” 

“Love, huh?” Joanna whispered, stealing a lengthier kiss to distract him.

“For the love of GOD!” Rosalie shrieked, “If this is how it’s going to be between you two, and Edward and Bella spend the next ten years doing the same, I will go on strike.”

Edward actually grinned, holding his daughter, “I am sure no one can top you and Emmett, Rose. Don’t worry.”

The pseudo siblings scowled at one another before Rosalie reclaimed both Renesmee and Joanna, “We have batter to pour. Esme won’t wait all night.”

Jacob’s face was tight as they entered the kitchen, but he took his post back without a word. Joanna knew that Jacob watched her every move, analyzed every step the vampires took, but it was okay. He was trying. Giving the baby a nickname, no matter how ill-advised it was, showed vast progress. He even managed to keep a conversation going with Emmett while Joanna went upstairs to see her sister. She could feel his eyes on her as she went up the staircase though, and knew he was probably only half paying attention to the vampire.

“She’s all healed.” Joanna whispered, taking in the sight of her flawlessly pale sister.

Carlisle was there, working on a chart representing Renesmee’s growth, and told her gently, “Almost. Her spine is still broken.”

Joanna held her sister’s hand, finding it cooler than it had been the day before. “I want to be here tomorrow. I know I can’t see her, but…I want to be here. I need to be close enough to know everything’s okay. I can stay with Renesmee, sit in a car in the garage or something.”

Carlisle sighed, “Bella would never survive hurting you or her daughter.”

Joanna was not taking no for an answer. “Rosalie can peel out at a moments notice.”

“She should be fine.” Alice chirped, suddenly there, “Jacob just needs to be between them.”

The vampires argued strategy. Jacob, who had followed Alice up the stairs, barely kept his anxiety at bay, but Joanna ignored them. She brushed Bella’s hair, straightened the simple dress she’d been redressed in, and, when the clock in the hall declared it was midnight, Joanna laid beside her twin, putting her head on Bella’s chest. “Happy birthday.”

She listened to Bella’s dying heart: beating far too fast. She felt Bella’s skin: colder by the minute. Then, she felt tears prick the back of her eyes. This was it. Jacob had been a blissful, wonderful, distraction, but this was the end. Their hearts that had come into being together, grown for eight and a half months side by side, but hadn’t even had four whole years together. Bella may survive, live on for eternity, but part of her was dying. The unknown impact abruptly hit Joanna harder than any fist ever had. They would always be twins, sisters, but they would never exist this way again. “I love you, Bells, always.”

Joanna sobbed quietly into Bella’s dress, clutching her lifeless twin’s hand until Jacob eased her away, “Jo, they said it’ll be harder if the room smells like a human. We need to go back downstairs. You don’t want to hurt Bella, do you?”

The human girl shook her head, but was still clinging to Bella’s hand. Jacob held back tears of his own as he eased her out of the room. Joanna grabbed the door frame, panic overtaking her. “No!” Jacob tried to keep her moving, but Joanna screamed, “I can’t leave her again!”

Jacob pulled her into a warm embrace, not knowing what else to do. He held her long enough that Edward started looking nervously at the clock on the wall in the hallway, “Come on, it won’t be long and you should be able to talk to her. Bella’s stubborn, she won’t want to be away from you or the baby for longer than is necessary. We’ve got to go downstairs. Now.” Joanna gasped a few times, trying to catch her breath, and her body stopped shaking. She didn’t move though.

“Jacob.” Edward growled, too softly for her to hear.

Jacob nodded at his one time rival, “I’ve got her.” He wasn’t about to give a vampire an excuse to put a hand unnecessarily on his imprint. Jacob pressed a kiss into the top of her head, “I’m going to pick you up, and we’re going to go downstairs. Is that okay?”

She tipped her head up, those watery blue eyes cutting through him deep enough that he scarcely heard her whisper, “Okay.”

He didn’t waste any time scooping her off her feet. They were both silent until they were back in the living room with Rosalie, Emmett, and Nessie. Unlike the last time she’d napped with her niece on the sofa, Joanna used Jacob as a back rest, stroking her delicate fingers up and down the baby’s spine as she fell asleep. And damn, the image of his imprint beside him with a baby on her chest did things to him. Joanna took a deep, steadying, breath once the baby was finally out, “Gonna have to find a new way to cuddle soon, she is dense.” She grinned up at him, “At least she can suddenly sit up on her own now. She’ll be driving in no time.” Then she grimaced, “Nope, I am not going to stress about that right now. One melt down on my birthday is enough.”

“That’s the plan. No more tears,” Jacob assured her, admitting, “I don’t like it when you cry.”

They spent the rest of the early morning hours curled up on that sofa, Joanna dozing off and on, Renesmee out like a light, and Jacob too on guard to relax enough for sleep. When Renesmee woke, it became a flurry of activity as Joanna, Esme, and Rosalie attempted to keep her entertained. Somehow, the baby understood her mother would be waking up soon, and she had demanded rather spectacularly to see Bella. Now. A set of silverware, likely worth more than anything Jacob owned, had been sacrificed to keep her entertained. Renesmee was endlessly disappointed when she discovered that Joanna was the only one who couldn’t mangle a spoon barehanded.

“Sorry, Ness,” She had explained to the baby, who looked months rather than days old, “I’m just not special in that way. But watch-“ Joanna had closed her eyes, slumped over a bit, and a few seconds later her spirit self was standing across the living room. She sustained it just long enough to make a few funny faces and get a round of peeling laughter from her niece. Renesmee then touched her face and played the whole scene back.

“It’s almost time!” Alice trilled, clapping in excitement, “She’s going to be perfect!”

It all seemed to happen so quickly. The human, vampire, werewolf, and halfling sat for less than a half hour in the car idling in the Cullen’s garage before Joanna gasped. The bright blue she’d been looking for had leapt across something in the distance, followed by a blur with a copper top. Joanna let out a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding ever since Rosalie’s expression had changed enough to tell her something had changed in the house, “She made it.”

Jacob grinned at her, “Of course she did!” He ruffled Renesmee’s curls, and leaned over her carseat to kiss Joanna chastely.

Rosalie groaned, “This car will never not smell like mutt. You’re just making it worse.” She rolled a window down, but smiled at Joanna, “Carlisle says she’s exceedingly controlled for a newborn. She realized she was hurting Edward and stopped…and then apologized.”

“Some things never change.” Joanna said, handing Renesmee another spoon from the bag in her lap to destroy. The anecdotal report really helped though. She made a quick call to Charlie and told him that Bella would be up to talking in the morning. Jacob and Renesmee hung on every word of the father/daughter conversation.

Renesmee played it back to Joanna, a question in her mind.

“That’s your Grandpa Charlie.” Joanna explained, hesitating, “I live with him. Maybe you’ll get to see him someday. He’d love you just like we do.”

Renesmee smiled happily and returned to her spoon.

Joanna leaned forward towards Rosalie, “So… what’s happening?”

“I am not a walkie-talkie.” Rosalie groused.

“I know!” Joanna said with a laugh. “I appreciate you though!”

Rosalie scowled, ”Alice says they’ll be back soon. She’s upset that Bella ripped her dress.”

Soon turned out to be twenty minutes. Their return was followed by several tense minutes where Rosalie kept the car in gear and backed up several times. Finally she put the car back into park and turned to face the three in the back seat. “Bella is being her usual pain in the ass self. Apparently she encountered some humans on her hunt with Edward.”

Joanna gasped, but Jacob took her hand in his and shook his head. “She didn’t.” Jacob whispered, an amazed smile on his face as he listened in on the distant conversation. Then it was his turn to scowl, “She wants to see them? No. I will not put Joanna in that kind of danger.”

Bella hadn’t hurt the humans? She hadn’t been driven made by blood lust? Bella wanted to see her? Joanna swung the car door open and bolted. Jacob was too focused on not hurting or scaring her to really stop her, and Rosalie was focused on the baby so she got far enough into the house to realize they were outside.

Jacob walked beside her, pleading with her to stop, but unwilling to physically do so, “Jo, let me go first. You hang here and I’ll signal if I think it’s safe. Please.” He put himself between her and the door. “Bella would never forgive herself if she hurt you.”

“You’re right.” Joanna sighed, being reasonable for a second. She watched Jacob go out, could see him, but couldn't see where Bella had to be. Alice stood beside her, irritated that the werewolf was in the midst of everything she wanted to see.

Joanna saw Jacob laugh, and it only took a second longer for her to open the door and step outside. She walked down the steps and found herself standing in front of the glorious creature her sister had become. Joanna stopped a few yards away from her twin, gazing in amazement at her, “Bells, you gorgeous fucking idiot. You slept for three days.”

Bella smiled, and took a slight breath and tipped her head to the side, looking suddenly wrecked, the smile sliding off her face as she whispered, “Jo.”

Edward tightened his hold on his wife. “It’s okay Bella. She’s okay now.”

“What?” Joanna asked, not understanding why her sister looked so sad.

Jasper spoke, looking more miserable than usual, “We didn’t warn her.”

Joanna wanted to scream at the crowd of insufferable statuesque vampires, “About what?”

“Your wrists.” Bella choked out, shaking, her beautiful face contorted in rage. “Your neck.”

Joanna looked down at her wrists, which looked fine to her, but…she remembered. She remembered them raw, torn from handcuffs a few times, restraints cutting her wrists and neck a few times. Zip ties were the worst. She remembered her neck, cut by a man who’d thought holding a knife there while he fucked her was a good idea. He’d almost killed her. And she had almost forgotten. Bella, newly perfected, must be able to see more than Joanna could of the damage that remained forever etched into her skin. Shame made her cheeks flush.

“Scars. Ones I can’t really see anymore. You’ve all been able to see them this whole time.” She could hardly get the words out. Subtle, reluctant, nods confirmed the statement, and she fought back tears. Jacob was the only one to shake his head. A small gift. He would eventually learn the depths of her scars, but at least he hadn’t been staring at them like everyone else and just not saying anything. She got closer to her sister though, close enough she could see how much Bella had changed. Still Bella, but perfected. Joanna stared into her sister’s vivd red eyes, and gave her a small smile she hoped was convincing, “I’m healed now, Bells. And so are you.”

Bella shrugged out of Edward’s grip, assuring him she was in control. She spoke in a rush, trying not to have to breathe more often than necessary. “You’re not scared of me?”

“Never.” Joanna said firmly, and despite how badly she wanted to wrap her arms around Bella, she just smiled at her. This, talking to Bella, was already more than she’d dreamed. Bella smiled back at her, and took a step forward, trusting herself more.

“Alright, that’s enough experimenting for one day.” Jacob said as he slotted his hand and warm fingers into Joanna’s. She shot him an irritated look and shook her head before turning her attention back to her inhuman twin. She gave his hand a squeeze though, trying to calm him.

Bella’s ruby eyes flitted to their joined hands, “Jacob, why are you still here?” He pulled Joanna behind him when Bella took another step closer, “Jake, why are you here?”

Jacob was as started by the shift in Bella’s tone as Joanna was, “Bella, I didn’t…it’s just…”

“No.” Bella hissed in disbelief, understanding dawning on her perfect features. She knew the both of them too well, knew there was only one reason her twin would be so calm near a new man, why Jacob would be so concerned about the safety of someone he’d just met. “You imprinted on my sister?” His silence was answer enough, and he started shoving Joanna back towards the porch. Bella was shaking, teeth bared, “She’s been through enough without you putting your moronic wolfy claim on her!” Edward went to grab a hold of her, but Bella hissed at him and slipped easily from his grip, “Edward, don’t touch me, I don’t want to hurt you.” She glanced at her sister, who looked worried, “Jo, back away, please.” The last word was a growl, like she was barely controlling herself, and she was barely in control. Joanna had had her life dictated by men for long enough. The faded scars that littered her exposed skin were proof enough of that. And now Jacob was going to take the freedom she’d finally found?

“Yeah, yeah, good idea.” Jacob said, shoving Joanna back farther.

Alice took a hold of Joanna’s arm, urging her onto the porch, “Joanna, let’s go inside.”

Joanna screamed when both Jacob and Bella launched into movement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title and lyrics from 'Awakening' by the Celtic Women.
> 
> I hope you guys liked this one! It kind of fought me, to be honest. The next chapter is shaping up to be much easier to write though! Birthday fluff and the return of Charlie!
> 
> Let me know what you thought of this one!  
> -Jenn


	22. Lego House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Birthday fluff and shenanigans abound here folks!

_"I'm gonna pick up the pieces_   
_And build a Lego house_   
_When things go wrong we can knock it down_

_My three words have two meanings_   
_There's one thing on my mind, it's all for you_

_And it's dark in a cold December, but I've got ya to keep me warm_   
_And if you're broken I'll mend ya_   
_And keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on now"_

**September 13th-14th, 2006**

“I’m sorry.” Bella repeated for the fifteenth time…or possibly the hundredth. Joanna had honestly lost count.

Joanna scowled at her sister who, for all of her inhuman beauty and newfound grace, was still exactly the same personality wise. Which made it that much easier for Joanna’s fears about losing her sister to vanish. Their hearts may no longer both beat, but Bella was still her sister in every other way. “Bells, I’m fine. Really. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Bella sighed unhappily, but was distracted by Renesmee patting her cheek for her undivided attention. The mother and daughter looked perfect together, and the fact that Joanna could sit in a nearby chair without being in danger of being eaten was a damned miracle. That, and the instant she’d screamed, Bella and Jacob had both been instantly at her side, their argument forgotten. Bella had been terrified that she’d scared her sister, and Jacob was terrified she’d somehow been hurt. They’d both been wrong. Her heart had been pounding, adrenaline effused throughout her system, but she’d gone from fear to anger in a split second. Them fighting would solve nothing. Jacob would still be imprinted on her, and Bella would have come to regret hurting him, considering he still was her best friend.

After seeing Bella break off her attack on Jacob, the rest of the Cullen’s had quickly decided that reuniting her with Renesmee was not likely to be an issue. It wasn’t, even though Jasper was at his wits end by the time Bella and Edward had retired to their cottage. A cottage the Cullen’s had kept secret from Joanna. She wasn’t too upset by that though, she had no decorating skill. 

In the mean time, Joanna made a trip back to Charlie’s and ate lunch with him before he had to go on another shift. His birthday gift made her cry. It was a wooden music box, with lines of text engraved inside the lid. He admitted he’d learned to carve from their neighbor just for this. Joanna froze for a moment, tracing the words with one finger and taking in the engraved trees that surrounded them. She handed the box back to him, a beseeching expression on her face, “Will you read it? I want to be able to hear your voice.”

He nodded, but Charlie barely made it through reading the words. “To my daughter: Be brave, have courage, and love life. I am always with you, to support - protect - & encourage you in every step of your life. I may not carry you in my arms anymore, but I will always carry you in my heart. In my eyes, you will always be my baby girl. Love, Dad.”

Joanna flung her arms around his neck, and cried. He may have cried too, but they would never speak about it. “I love it, Daddy.” Joanna whispered, turning the key and letting the music play. It was…familiar. She stared speculatively at him.

Charlie shrugged, “That part was your mom’s idea. She used to sing that song to you girls at bed time. Always worked better for you than it did for Bella.”

“It’s perfect.” Joanna assured him, even as he started pointing out tiny flaws in the wood where he’d made mistakes. She’d just grinned him, and had kept hugging him until he had to go. Charlie made her promise to give Bella her gift and to make sure Bella called him, he would answer even while he was on duty. “I will, Daddy.”

“Happy birthday, JoJo.” He said, hugging her at the door, “Have a great night and stay safe.”

The high of his sweet gift stayed with her as she showered and changed into a dress Alice had given her before she’d left. She played the music box over and over again as she put on make up and dried her hair. Her mood had picked up even more at the expression on Jacob’s face when they met back up at the Cullen’s. He had only seen her smeared with blood or fresh faced with her hair knotted at the back of her head. He’d also never seen her in anything other than shorts and a loose tee or tank. The dress flattered her figure, and the dark eyeliner she’d lined her eyes with made her look more mysterious than usual.

“You look amazing.” Jacob told her, kissing her so so carefully.

Joanna laughed softly at his over the top reverence, “It’s my birthday! My sister doesn’t really want to eat me, and I have a date. I feel amazing.”

He smile pridefully at her, “I’m your date. I like it.”

Joanna shrugged, moving towards the house, “Actually, I was referring to Ness, but I suppose I can split my attention.”

Jacob came up behind her, making enough noise so as to not scare her when he nuzzled the side of her neck and wrapped his arms around her waist, “You sure? I’m kind of needy.”

Joanna ran her fingers through his lightly jelled hair and turned them both a bit so she could kiss him a little more firmly. She grinned at him, “I think I can handle that.”

Amazingly, and to Emmett’s dismay, Bella and Edward emerged from their cottage just in time to see Joanna and Jacob kissing on the front porch. Bella was not amused, her lip pulled up in disgust, “No wonder Jo smelled a little like wet dog.”

Joanna grabbed her sister’s cool hand, “Come on, Bells, it’s our birthday!”

“I’m still eighteen!” Bella groaned, but went with her twin, shooting Jacob a look as they passed.

“Nope, we’re nineteen now!” Joanna sang, scooping Renesmee out of Rosalie’s arms, “Ness, we get to have cake soon!” Renesmee smiled toothily at her aunt, grabbing a handful of her brown hair with a gentleness that was out of place in an infant.

Evening came far too quickly. Seth snuck into the house to party with them, and was warmly embraced. His sister was lurking out in the dark. They sang to Bella and Joanna, and the human, Jacob, and half-vampire ate cake.

“Best I’ve ever had! Thank you!” Joanna exclaimed, embracing a stunned Esme.

Esme stayed perfectly still for a moment before wrapping her arms around Joanna. “You’re welcome,” she whispered, sharing a look with Carlisle.

Joanna pulled away first, smiling at her sister’s mother in law, “Shame Bella can’t partake. I’ll have to eat some for her too.”

Esme watched the human girl bounce away and gave Carlisle a weak smile as he came to her side, wrapping his arm around her.

Jacob held a forkful of mostly icing out to Renesmee, “Nessie, this is the really good part.”

Half the vampires froze. Joanna grimaced.

Bella sucked in an audible lungful of air, “Nessie? You nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster?”

Joanna shot her sister a bored look, “Don’t hurt him Bells, I’d like to keep him around.”

Bella grabbed his arm and started dragging him to the door, “Oh, I’ll bring him back in one piece, but we are going to have a talk.” She huffed as she flung the door open with barely a touch. “I’m so glad you like my daughter, really, I am, but…Nessie? No way.”

The glass rattled in it’s metal casing as it swung shut behind them.

“I’ll make sure she doesn’t hurt him.” Edward assured Joanna as he headed out; Emmett, Seth, and Rosalie on his heels.

Jasper stayed where he’d been much of the evening, sitting by the fireplace watching Alice as she cooed to the baby and took her to the window to watch the exchange outside. Joanna didn’t bother to go look, she was sure her human eyes wouldn’t be able to see anything, and her faith in Bella remained strong enough that she wasn’t too worried about Jacob. Anyway, she would play nurse again if need be, and enjoy every minute of it.

Joanna sat down near Jasper, “You okay?”

He dragged his eyes to her, “No.”

“She’s the exception, isn’t she?” Joanna asked, ticking her head towards where her sister had gone. She had heard too much about the insanity that came with being a newborn for her to believe that Bella was typical.

“Yes.” He agreed, and sighed when she raised her eyebrows at him for more, “You would likely not be so fortunate. I don’t agree that premeditation helped. It has to be Bella’s ability.”

“And our abilities are not the same.” Joanna concluded, “Edward has said as much. Her mind is silent while mine is static on a radio, too much going on to bother understanding unless I focus on what I want him to see or know.” She looked him over, “Bella told me you have scars that only vampires can see too. I’m sorry. It sucks.”

He didn’t respond, just stared past her shoulder at the wall.

“We’ve both got damage, but I hope someday you can learn to smile again. Not just for Alice. It makes life easier.” Joanna told him. “Don’t worry, I’m still learning too. It would be nice to have forever to get it figured out.”

He looked at her again, his features shifting ever so slightly, “You would join our family?”

Joanna sighed, “I’m a fragile human. Rosalie has offered to turn me, but...I’m still thinking. Today, with Bella, it’s helped a lot. She’s still Bella. Is that the same with all of you? Even if it takes a while?”

Jasper gave a tight nod, “We become the best, or worst, of our human selves.”

Joanna gave him a small smile and left him alone, returning to the cake for one last bite. Esme watched her with pride. Damn, the woman was so maternal Joanna would have eaten cake all night just to please her. Fortunately for Joanna’s waistline, Bella sulked back in, trailed by the others and finally Jacob.

Bella stopped in front of her sister, too abruptly for it to have been a human movement. She didn’t move like a human anymore, Joanna noted. They’d have to work on that before she even thought about leaving the Cullen property. She still remembered how to pout, “Jacob’s an idiot.”

Joanna giggled at her disgruntled twin, “He likes us though, so he’s not that bad. Plus, uh...I’ve been calling her Ness. Gonna have to be mad at me too.”

“Can’t be mad at you. Love to too much.” Bella told her, “You sure I don’t need to kick his behind.”

Joanna rolled her eyes, “No, Bella. You don’t need to kick his ass. Really, I’m okay. He’s pretty and he’s sweet. Also, I kind of heard his wolf before we actually met.” She chuckled awkwardly, not able to look at Bella’s shocked face, “Seems like something bigger is going on here, and he’s grown on me pretty quickly. Really, Bells, are we sure he’s not part octopus?”

A lively banter continued until Renesmee gave an adorable yawn in Bella’s arms. Edward hugged his wife, “I think we should put this little one to bed.”

“Where does she usually sleep?” Bella asked.

“She’s never slept in a crib. She’s usually in someone’s arms.” Rosalie explained, “Or Joanna’s chest. Her heartbeat reminded Nessie of you.”

“She’s getting too big to cuddle the way she likes.” Joanna whispered, smoothing her niece’s hair down, “Sleep tight, Pretty.”

Bella smiled warmly at her, “You should sleep too, you’re barely keeping your eyes open. Edward and I will show you the cottage tomorrow, I’m sure you’ll love it.”

“Can’t wait.” Joanna told her honestly, “Good night, Bells, and happy birthday.”

For the first time all day, Bella didn’t argue, “Happy birthday, Jo.”

Jacob was quiet on the ride home, even though he’d insisted that he drive her. Joanna didn’t push it, content to lean into the warmth of him. He stopped her before she got out of the worn red truck, “Jo.” She stopped, hand on the latch, and locked her eyes with his. He looked sadder than she’d ever seen him, “Edward mentioned they need to leave soon.”

Joanna wouldn’t lie to him. She couldn’t. “Yeah, people will start to notice that they don’t age. The plan was to go off to college, Bella would be human for a year of school and be able to wean our parents off of seeing her, but now…” She pinched her eyes closed, “I think it’ll happen soon. They won’t just be able to move though. Charlie will refuse to believe excuses for why they can’t see him. Bella’s illness will take a turn for the worst and then there’ll be an ‘accident’. The story of the Cullen family all tied up in a neat little bow.” The blue eyed girl sighed, looking at her hands, “I’ve tried not to pay attention to those conversations. I can’t imagine lying to Charlie about Bella being dead. It’s been hard enough these last two weeks.”

Jacob looked pale, something that was so out of the ordinary that Joanna felt her stomach sink before he even voiced his realization, “You’re thinking of going too.”

“Yes.” Joanna answered honestly, but slid a hand to cup his cheek, “Just thinking.” She kissed him gently, easing closer until she was straddling his lap, her dress pulled awkwardly askew. The steering wheel dug into her back, but she didn’t care. She couldn’t stand that look on his face, and needed it gone, “I promise I’m just thinking. It’s just hard to lie to Charlie.”

Jacob held one of her palms against his chest, “Yeah, you love him.”

She smiled softly, “I do. He gave me this music box today, and it is the most amazing thing I’ve ever been given. He is the only human I feel completely good about being around.” Hurt flickered across Jacob’s face, and she laughed softly, giving him a quick peck on the lips, “Jake, you are not a human.”

He finally smiled, giving her an adorable bashful chuckle, “I forget sometimes.”

“I don’t.” Joanna said with a giggle, “You’re so damned warm. Which really is going to be great this winter. I hate wearing coats.”

“I do love you in a tank top.” Jacob muttered, kissing from her lips to her jaw, drifting farther down to the heavily scented skin where her neck met her shoulder.

Joanna arched against him, pressing them even closer together, tangling her fingers in his hair, which was in need of a cut. Desire hit her like a brick, settling low in her stomach. He continued kissing her there, the feather light touches so incredibly gentle. They weren’t enough, not nearly enough, and she could tell he was holding back, “Jake?”

He stopped instantly, pulling back and giving her distance she didn’t actually want.

Joanna gave him a smile, “I’m okay. It’s just…you don’t have to be so gentle.” An actual blush came to her cheeks, “I think I’d like something from you for my birthday.” His dark eyes told her he would give her anything she wanted. “It was never allowed…before…I had to maintain the illusion of each man being my only. They weren’t allowed to leave marks, not unless they paid for my time long enough for me to heal.”

“You want me to hurt you?” Jacob said, voice incredulous and soft.

She shook her head, rushing to correct him, “Oh, no, no, no. I mean, we could talk that through later if you want, no judgement here. I was thinking more along the lines of a hickey though.” She stroked his temples, “I know everyone else can smell you on me, but I’d like to have some proof for myself.”

The grin he gave her did nothing to quell her desire. “I can do that too, but I still haven’t given you your actual birthday gift.”

Joanna shifted her hips, eliciting a groan from Jacob, “Ooh, that sounds exciting.”

“I hope you like it.” He muttered, suddenly looking bashful as he dug in the pocket of his shorts, careful to not dislodge her from his lap. “Can I see your wrist?” He asked, and Joanna held up hand without a second thought. Jacob sweetly kissed the back of her hand before affixing a bracelet around her wrist. He immediately started rambling, “I know it’s just been four days, but I wanted you to have this. It’s the Quileute version of a promise ring. I can make another one if you don’t like this one. You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to, but I-“

“I love it.” Joanna cut in, smiling down at the woven band, blue and gold threads coaxed into a strap capped on both ends by a gold clasp. She’d asked for a hickey, but this was so much more permanent. “I love it.” She repeated, drawing him in for a kiss.

Jacob resumed his nuzzling of her neck shortly after, teeth grazing just for a second before he started sucking, still so gently, but enough that when they said goodnight, Joanna was marked by both his mouth and his bracelet. He couldn’t lose her. There had to be a way for them to be able to stay longer, then he’d have more time with Joanna before she had to make a choice.

Joanna woke the next morning to her cell phone ringing, and ended up scrambling after the thing as it skittered to the floor. Bella was the clumsy twin, how had she even survived nineteen years? Joanna flicked the phone open, wondering who was calling, “Yes?”

“Joanna!” Alice, voice much sharper than usual, “What is that wolf of yours about to do?”

“Huh?” Joanna said in confusion, hearing the now familiar sound of Charlie cutting wood out behind the house. An unfamiliar engine sound drew her around to the front window.

Alice hissed, “Charlie’s plans for the day just got completely wiped out by wolf!”

Joanna watched Jacob dismount a motorbike and make a beeline for the side of the house, pointedly not looking up at the window. “Oh no.” She gasped, halfway throwing herself down the stairs, “Oh, Alice, I think he’s about to do something really stupid.”

“No!” Alice screeched, “Don’t get involved. Come with Charlie after, he’ll need you.”

A half hour later Joanna found herself sitting in the passenger’s seat of his patrol car, holding Charlie’s hand. He was pale, and had every reason to be. He finally looked at her when he’d been caught by a stoplight, “JoJo, you don’t turn into an animal or something, do you?”

Joanna tried to smile at him, brushing dirt off the sleeve of his jacket, “No, Daddy, I don’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title and lyrics from 'Lego House' by Ed Sheeran.
> 
> The next chapter will skip most of the next month and will move the plot along pretty firmly.
> 
> You guys have gotten kind of quiet, hope you are still enjoying!  
> -Jenn


	23. The Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joanna and Jacob do some growing up, and Joanna has an unexpected encounter with the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The legal age of consent in Washington State is 16, FYI!

_"I am the voice in the wind and the pouring rain_   
_I am the voice of your hunger and pain_   
_I am the voice that always is calling you_   
_I am the voice, I will remain_

_I am the voice in the fields when the summer's gone_   
_The dance of the leaves when the autumn winds blow_   
_Ne'er do I sleep throughout all the cold winter long_   
_I am the force that in springtime will grow_

_I am the voice of the past that will always be_   
_Filled with my sorrow and blood in my fields_   
_I am the voice of the future_   
_Bring me your peace_   
_Bring me your peace and my wounds, they will heal"_

**October 14th, 2006**

Charlie adjusted to his new reality quicker than anyone had expected. It didn’t hurt that he had fallen just as quickly in love with Renesmee as everyone else had.

He was poised to leave that first evening, sharing a moment with Bella and Renesmee at the door, when his eyes drifted to Joanna, “You coming to dinner with us, Jo?”

She risked a glance at Jacob, “No, Daddy. I think we’ll eat here tonight.”

He huffed, “Still don’t think that’s a great idea. You haven’t known him that long.”

Joanna went out on a limb, “It’s fine. He’s good for me, promise. Besides, I’m hanging around for a slice of leftover birthday cake.” Charlie looked instantly offended, and Joanna wrapped her arms around him, making sure it was extra tight to compensate for how ginger her sister’s hug had been, “Bella doesn’t want you eating bad, but I’m young still. I’m sure she’ll start harping on me in a few years.” She lowered her voice conspiratorially, “I’ll try to sneak you a piece.”

Charlie pulled back and studied her face, visibly relieved when he convinced himself that she was exactly the same, “Not on the back of a motorbike you won’t.”

Joanna shrugged, but felt Jacob sidle up behind her, “I’ll keep her safe, Charlie.”

He swallowed hard once, “I’ll tell Billy you’re here. You haven’t been to see him in days.”

Jacob flinched, and Joanna reached instinctively towards him, sliding one hand around his muscled arm, “Maybe Ness and I will make another cake later this week we can bring to share.”

Charlie smiled lovingly at her and his granddaughter, still sleeping in Bella’s arms, “I’d like that.”

After that, Charlie was suddenly integrated into the Cullen family life, a staple for sports games where he held Renesmee in his lap and narrated every play. He didn’t ask much, preferring to know only what he needed to, but, just like Bella, he had taken a bit to warm up to Jacob and Joanna’s burgeoning relationship. In fact, he’d spent the first few visits scowling at Jacob any time he so much as looked at Joanna.

Renesmee, only a month old and already talking and walking, was sitting on his lap when he sighed heavily, addressing the werewolf directly for a change. “Jacob. Billy is worried about you. He asked me to tell you to come to the tribal meeting thing they’re having tonight.”

“No. I’m fine.” Jacob snapped. Joanna bolted for the stairs.

“Jake.” Bella whispered jerking her head pointedly.

Charlie’s voice followed him up the stairs after her, “Don’t you dare hurt her.”

Joanna was sitting on the bed in what had once been Edward’s room, tears filling her eyes. Jacob sunk to his knees in front of her, his voice soft, “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so awful. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m just irritated.”

Joanna sniffled, wiping her hand across her face, “Jacob, why haven’t you let me see your dad? I’ve met him before, but just as Joanna, not as your imprint. Is it the shit with Sam? I promise I’ll leave him alone.” She gasped for air, “Is it because I’m not good enough?”

Jacob stood fluidly, sliding his hands on either side of her face, thumbs wiping away tears, “No, no, absolutely not! You are wonderful! My dad will love you.”

“I’m a whore. Why else would you keep me away?” Joanna snapped, the frustration she’d been feeling for weeks finally bubbling over. She made no move to escape his tender grip though. 

“I’m ashamed.” Jacob blurted, and cold instantly shot down her back. He rushed to explain, “Of myself, Jo. I let Sam lead the pack after I phased for the first time and realized it was my birthright, but then when I didn’t agree with him, I took the power back. I’ve divided our tribe.”

Joanna was silent for a few seconds before falling backwards onto the bed, drawing him with her. They lay face to face, and she wiped away the last of her insecure tears. She’d been thinking about his avoidance of La Push since her last period had made her hormones rage in the worst way. One stray thought had been blown into full obsession. But she’d been stirring herself up over nothing. It wasn’t about her, not really. It was rare that Joanna felt like he needed her more than she needed him, but she inched closer to him and let her fingers find his hair, “I get it. I think you’re wrong, but I get it.”

“You don’t think he’ll hate me? You’ve never spent time with him.” Jacob argued, wincing at his last statement. That was not her fault.

Joanna shook her head, “He’s best friends with my dad, Jacob. Charlie talks about him all the time and he was nice when I met him.” She ran a thumb across Jacob’s warm cheek, “He talked about you like you hang the moon. He missed you so much, and I can’t imagine how he’s feeling now that you’re home but you’ve avoided him for the last month.”

Jacob said in a very small voice, “I can’t bear the thought of seeing disappointment in his eyes.”

“You’re the alpha of your own pack, Jacob. He couldn’t possibly be disappointed with you.” Joanna affirmed, kissing him softly.

They kissed for a few minutes, Jacob pulling her sweater to the side to nip and suck at his favorite spot. There was no way anything else was happening in the house with the Cullen’s, but Joanna had figured out in the last month that both of them thrived off of touch. To have had so many bad touches throughout her life, Joanna craved Jacob, and she could tell every time she put her hands on him that he derived some inhuman comfort from her. Every day Jacob grew more confident; Every day Joanna grew more relaxed. Joanna had insisted that they wait to have sex, both for the sake of her past and for the fact that as mature as he looked, Jacob was still only sixteen. Not illegal, but Joanna didn’t want to rush him in any way. In her mind, one of them deserved to be somewhat innocent for a bit. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that his wolf wanted her so badly that he would have quite happily lain with her that very first week.

When they came to a stop, Jacob idly traced his hand back and forth over her exposed collarbone, and she kept one hand gripped in his hair. They’d both discovered that he liked her hand in his hair, almost as much as she loved seeing the hickeys he left on her. “Thanks for sticking with my crazy ass when I’m being a paranoid freak.” Joanna told him.

Jacob groaned, pinching his eyes closed, “No, I’m the paranoid freak. And I feel like shit for not noticing that I was making you feel like it was you.”

Joanna draped one leg over his, slotting even closer to him, “We’re both learning, Jake. You never really got anywhere with my sister, and my longest relationships have involved standing appointments. I shouldn’t have let it bother me for so long without saying something.”

“Least we’re learning together.” Jacob sighed, “We should go tonight, shouldn’t we?”

Joanna nodded, “Yeah, we should.”

“Together.” Jacob said, holding his free hand out towards hers.

Joanna laced their fingers, pulling their joined hands to her chest so she could press a kiss to his knuckles. “Together.” She affirmed.

Charlie continued to glare all afternoon, but seemed pleased when Jacob ushered Joanna to the door and held her jacket out for her. It was easier now, not having to hide so much from Charlie, but he still had no clue that both of his daughters were supernaturally gifted. That meant that Joanna’s time to play around with her power had been drastically reduced, to Carlisle’s immense pleasure. She hadn’t used her power since Renesmee had uttered her first word, ‘Momma’, which had been followed immediately after by the rest of her first sentence, ‘where’s Grandpa?’. Three whole weeks, possibly the longest she’d gone without her soul leaving her body in nearly a decade. That, combined with Charlie and the blissful happiness that had enveloped the Cullen house, made her feel almost normal.

Joanna managed to distract herself with happy thoughts long enough for Jacob to bring his bike to a halt beside his father’s barn. She tightened her arms around him, urging him not to dismount just yet, “Jake…” she stretched his name out, “I honestly was kind of terrible when I’ve been here before. You sure they won’t hate me?”

Jacob turned around as best he could, tugging her helmet off her head, a fond smile on his face. He gave her a peck on the lips, “That, I am sure about. They’ll love you because I do.”

The pleased smile that came to her face stayed until they walked into the clearing where the La Push tribe members had gathered. Joanna stumbled once, and Jacob steadied her, concern on his face. “You okay?”

Joanna nodded, knowing he was checking in due to the large group of people, “Yeah, just not paying attention to my feet.” She looped one arm around Jacob’s waist, “Let’s find your dad.”

Coincidentally, finding someone in a crowd of people was not difficult when: #1 the target is in a wheelchair, and #2 the seeker was half animal. Relief spread across Billy Black’s face the instant he saw his only son, “You came.”

Jacob nodded, suddenly feeling his age, “I didn’t mean to worry you, Dad.”

Billy clapped a hand on his arm and pulled him down for a warm embrace, “You are my son, I will always worry about you.” The two men held each other for a long while, and, oddly enough, Joanna didn’t feel out of place at all. When the hug ended, Billy gave her a warm smile, and held his arms out to her, “Joanna Swan. Welcome to the family.”

The smile on her face exploded and she dove in to steal a hug from Billy herself. “I feel like this is the first time I’ve really met you!”

Billy laughed at her enthusiasm, but the expression on his face when she pulled back was a sad one. Joanna didn’t flinch when he reached up to gently touch the side of her face, “I held you after you were born, young one. Your father truly lives again, now that you have returned.”

Joanna nodded, “I know. There’s less secrets, I’m not a ghost anymore, and he’s a grandpa.”

Billy’s face was unreadable, “How is Bella’s daughter?”

Joanna spoke carefully, aware that every wolf ear and even some human ones were hanging on every word of their exchange, “Ness is wonderful. She’s a quick learner, she’s kind, and the kid has a laugh that’s infectious.” She shot Jacob an impish look, “The only bad thing is… her best friend is Jacob. She thinks he’s hilarious.”

Jacob scooped her into his arms and spun around once, causing her to shriek and laugh as he nuzzled her neck, mock growling, “Oh, come on, I am hilarious! You think so too.”

The human girl pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek, “That is true!” She turned her attention back to Billy, still wrapped in his son’s arms, “In all seriousness, I know my dad’s talked to you about how fast she’s growing. That’s really the biggest concern. It’s impossible to imagine a creature so sweet, so full of life, could be dead before she’s even gotten the chance to live. Edward and Carlisle are spending all their time researching.”

Billy considered her for a moment, pleased to see how at ease the abused young woman was with his son. Imprinting or not, he had done something right in raising Jacob for him to have earned her trust so quickly. “I will see if our tribe or others nearby have any information on beings with accelerated aging. We did not know to look or ask when we sought to discover what the child your sister carried could be.”

“At the end of the day, she’s a little girl.” Joanna said softly, bracing herself for the question she’d decided to ask once Jacob had committed to rejoining his father, and, by extension, his people. “Jake and I are wanting to take her trick-or-treating, but we aren’t sure Forks is the best place. Could we bring her here?”

Billy stared at her for a long while, long enough that others noticed and Jacob went tense behind her. Finally, Billy gave a small nod, “I will put the possibility of Renesmee joining our tribe’s Halloween festivities to a vote. I trust the rest of the family would stay at home?”

“Yes.” Joanna said without hesitation, but caught herself before she lied by omission, “Well, I think Daddy wants to come too. He’s trying to rework the schedule so he’s not on duty. But, yes, the only Cullen would be Nessie.”

If it was her closeness with Jacob, the sincerity in her voice, or both combined, she may never figure out, but the tribe seemed to treat her as one of their own. By the time the first segment of the gathering had ended, with most of the families with young children leaving, Joanna and Jacob both felt right at home and had pleasantly full bellies. The tribal elders voted on a few items, Renesmee included, and their Halloween plans were good to go. Sam was not pleased, but one shared glare from Jacob and Joanna had been enough for him to keep his mouth shut.

Billy started to tell the stories of his people. Joanna hung on every word from her spot between Jacob and Seth, leaning in with a childlike amazement that Jacob adored. The night had grown thick by the time Joanna started to get a sense of unease. Attention off Billy, she looked around the circle of Jacob’s friends and tribe members, but not one of them seemed to notice anything wrong. They were all either listening to Billy, cozying up to a significant other, or sneaking more food before Sue could usher them back to the campfire. Joanna took a deep breath to calm herself, adjusting her position so she was more comfortable before looking back towards Billy.

Then she saw her: standing in the path of the fire’s smoke was a Quiluete woman, older than Sue but younger than the elder at Billy’s side. She wore traditional clothing, and was staring straight at Joanna. Joanna watched the woman, surrounded by smoke, and knew without a doubt that none of the others gathered could see her. But Joanna could see her and she couldn't move, no matter how hard she tried. Panic burst from her earlier unease, but she still couldn’t move. The woman stepped closer, leaving the smoke she’d been conjured in.

“Jo?” Jacob asked in concern, hearing how her heart was suddenly beating like she was running a race, even though she was still at his side. He reached to hold her hand.

“Jacob!” Joanna yelled as she sprung to her feet, turning her torso like she was trying to look back at him. In the same instant, her eyes glazed over and she crumpled into his arms.

The instant she watched her body fall into Jacob’s arms, every nerve ending was on fire. She had never left her body so unintentionally, and the pain was new.

The woman from the smoke stood before her in a clearing that was now only occupied by the two of them, and a shade of Jacob holding her body. The woman crossed one arm over her chest and gave a slight bow that possibly stood as some sort of greeting before she spoke, voice heavily accented but warm, “Joanna. Apologies for frightening you, young walker. I am Taha Aki’s third wife, Mika, and you must listen to me now. We do not have much time.”

Taha Aki. Joanna remembered the name, from a story Bella and Jacob had told Renesmee one night, in an adorable almost theatrical production that had amused her niece greatly. Joanna was not amused at all now. She found her voice again, “He was the first werewolf.”

“Not werewolf. Shifter.” She corrected, her expression reminding her of Billy’s when she’d asked about trick or treating what seemed like a lifetime ago. Taha Aki’s third wife continued, “We walk in the spirit world now to speak of your future, not of the past.”

Joanna balled up her fists once in frustration before forcing them to become slack at her side, “My future? What the hell is a walker?”

The woman turned suddenly, her dark eyes flitting across Joanna’s face, “You are, young one. You are a Spirit Walker, a link between the living and the dead. Different than the Spirit Warriors of old. You find peace with the cold ones because you see yourself in them, much the same as the peace you’ve found with my people this night.”

“I don’t see myself in vampires.” Joanna argued, pulling at her hair with one hand.

Mika gave her a sad smile, “How could you not? You are also the living dead.”

Joanna gasped, suddenly trembling, “I’m not the living dead. I’ve never died.”

Mika put a wrinkled hand on her shoulder, “Remember the first time your spirit soared.”

Oh, she did. She’d been eleven, maybe twelve. Her very first ‘customer’, a man who had paid handsomely for her virginity, and had put his hand on her face to keep her from screaming. Joanna’s spine straightened as she remembered the details past the pain, “I couldn’t breathe.”

Mika’s hand squeezed her shoulder, “He smothered you. You died, but the spirits saw fit to save you, to gift you with the power you needed to survive your captivity. The same powers that let you hear the wolves. The same powers that will allow you to lead beside your alpha. You must continue to develop your skills, young Spirit Walker. Yours is not a passive gift, remember that. For even our mighty Spirit Warriors could not touch the living when in spirit form. You must grow your gift.” Her tone was grave, but she smiled fondly when she looked back at Jacob, “He is the future of our people. The relationship between the tribe and the cold ones is changing, and you are to be a tie between them.” Joanna nodded numbly, and Mika continued, “You must stand beside him, even when it is hard. Fear is your enemy, do not let it control you. Jacob is the future of our people, your duty is to protect him and his children.” 

“He’ll have children?” Joanna gasped, watching as the shade of Jacob shook her body again.

“If you do your duty.” Unceremoniously, the spirit jerked her back towards her body.

Jacob was caught in sheer panic, and crushed her to his chest as soon as he realized awareness had come back to her eyes. “What the hell was that?”

“Can’t breathe!” Joanna gasped. Jacob instantly released her, but held her face in his hands. Joanna put her hands over his, forcing a smile to her face, deciding instantly to keep the details to herself, “Unplanned Spirit Walk. Sorry I scared everyone.”

The rest of the night was spent trying to explain to Billy and the other elders that she was somehow a cousin in power to their ancestors. They laughed, and celebrated Jacob’s imprint being blessed with such a power. Joanna tried to find the excitement, but the realization that she’d died to get it lingered just under her skin, as well as the last thought Mika had left her with. 

Jacob would have children. Could she really let him go, give him to another, even if only temporarily? Jacob stayed close, and she could tell by the look on his face that he knew something had really upset her. He didn’t pry though, just offered unwavering support, and she loved him even more for it.

She loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title and lyrics from 'The Voice' as sung by the Celtic Women.
> 
> The next chapter will take us the Halloween (still deciding what costumes they should wear), and will be a very big one for Joanna and Jacob!
> 
> Questions? Comments? Concerns?  
> -Jenn


	24. Adore You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween! It's time for Joanna and Jacob to be the fun aunt and uncle. There's some important conversations in this chapter too, folks, along a pretty large helping of fluff.

_"Walk in your rainbow paradise (paradise)_   
_Strawberry lipstick state of mind (state of mind)_   
_I get so lost inside your eyes_   
_Would you believe it?_

_You don't have to say you love me_   
_You don't have to say nothing_   
_You don't have to say you're mine_

_Honey_   
_I'd walk through fire for you_   
_Just let me adore you_   
_Oh, honey_   
_I'd walk through fire for you_   
_Just let me adore you_   
_Like it's the only thing I'll ever do_   
_Like it's the only thing I'll ever do"_

**October 31st, 2006**

Joanna grunted once, popping back into her body, “Son of a bitch!”

Rosalie rolled her eyes, “I barely touched you. Grow a pair.”

“Barely my ass! Sure I’ll have a bruise.” Joanna moaned dramatically, clutching her shoulder while grinning at her friend in anticipation. “Seriously though, did I make five minutes?”

Rosalie’s expression was unreadable for far too long, and apprehension started to creep in. At least until Joanna caught Jasper smiling from his perch on the porch. Rosalie noticed her gaze and broke into a smile of her own, “You did! No weird heart rhythm issues at all.”

Joanna pumped her fist in the air, “Three minutes more than what I could do two weeks ago!” 

“You finish up your task too?” Rosalie asked, wary, but hopeful for her young friend.

“Yes!” Joanna shrieked, dancing in a circle around the vampire.

Rosalie glared at her brother, “I’m not sure which one of you is the reason for all this joy, but it’s kind of ridiculous.”

Alice emerged from the house and seemed to flutter down into Jasper's arms like a feather. She smiled warmly at Joanna and smirked at Rosalie, “Jasper’s so happy because we’re all happy. Jo’s so happy because she had too much coffee this morning.”

Joanna scrunched her nose up, “That’s possible. It was Edward’s idea.”

Rosalie groaned, standing in a split second, one arm gesturing grandly towards the front door, “Carlisle will be home soon, you’d better get inside or he’ll realize what we’ve been doing.”

“Oh, come on, isn’t the threat of discovery somewhat exciting?” Joanna asked, giving Rosalie a brief hug as she passed. Despite her sour mood, the blonde returned the hug.

Inside, Esme smiled up from her needle work, “Almost done.”

“Can I help you with anything?” Joanna offered as she peered at the costume Esme was finishing. The matronly vampire and Alice had been in cahoots for days about the Halloween costumes, so Joanna had spent her spare time trying to figure out what they were. Renesmee’s was obvious, but the other three had been carefully crafted in pieces to continue the mystery. It was just as annoying as it was sweet. After all, it wasn’t just Renesmee’s first true Halloween. Joanna and Bella may have gone as toddlers, but those memories hadn’t stayed.

Esme pat the seat beside her, “I could use an extra set of hands. Alice got bored before she finished helping.” Or she’d seen that Joanna wanted to be useful. That concept was left unsaid. Joanna appreciated the inclusion either way. As it was, it gave her time to continue trying to decipher what Alice and Esme had decided police chief, a shape shifter, and a reformed whore should dress up as for Halloween.

Esme kept her away from the scissors and sewing needles, but seemed content to let Joanna remove the pins from the fabric as she sewed by hand with the speed and efficiency of an industrial sewing machine. The last stitch had been laid when Bella, Edward, and Renesmee returned from their cottage.

“Aunt Jo!” Nessie yelled, across the room faster than was possible for a human to wrap her arms around her aunt.

“Hey, Pretty.” Joanna swayed with the girl for a minute before asking, “You excited for tonight?”

Renesmee put a hand on Joanna’s cheek, and, while she read the enthusiasm and anticipation, Joanna focused on her niece’s beautiful face. Currently, she was about the size of a four year old, but in the day since Joanna had seen her, she looked closer to five. She was, of course, taller than the rest of her frame and facial structure suggested, which made estimates difficult unless Carlisle was nearby with comparison growth charts.

“I’m excited too.” Joanna whispered, holding the little girl close. “They’re going to love you.”

It was terrifying to think that she’d volunteered to chaperone her niece’s first adventure into the outside world, but Joanna had absolute faith in the petite halfling. Plus, they were doing it in a community that largely ignored groups of men (and now Leah) who just didn’t age for decades at a time. Not to mention the sudden influx of wolf activity around the area whenever those beefy men stopped aging. None of them would bat an eye at a little girl who would look older should they see her a week later. For all they knew, the Quileutes could be the only non-family people Renesmee could actually spend time with during her ever advancing lifespan.

Alice broke them up, “Come on, time to get ready!!”

The next hour of time was spent in a way that felt a lot like the morning of Bella’s wedding, except the newborn vampire was just a spectator this time. And too damned pleased, “Was this your idea?” Joanna asked, gesturing to herself, portions of her hair braided into a coronet around her head before cascading down her back in tight curls.

Bella laughed, too caught up to take the edge of the inhumanly perfect sound, “No!”

Joanna glared at Rosalie, who was messing with a stray curl, “You?” Rosalie barely concealed a smile, but shook her head.

Joanna set her sights on the littlest Cullen, currently having Alice finish her make up, “Ness?”

Renesmee grinned up at her, perfectly endearing at every moment, “Yes?”

Joanna faked irritation, “Hope you don’t get cold tonight! I have a feeling Jacob’s not going to be too happy!” Of course, he made her a liar.

“Wow, Jo.” Jacob said as soon as he dismounted his motorbike in the Cullen’s front yard.

Joanna gave a small twirl, gripping a basked Alice had handed to her on her way out the door, “Not too on the nose?”

Jacob laughed, kissing her gently and very mindful of the tight look on Alice’s face. She might kill him if he smudged Joanna’s make up. He grimaced at the tiny vampire, “My turn?”

Alice’s reply was to grab his hand and drag him upstairs, complaining about being pressed for time. Perfectly on time, Charlie showed up twenty minutes later. Already in his costume.

Joanna and Bella stood shoulder to shoulder in amazement as Rosalie documented every moment of his arrival and reunion with his granddaughter. In his Alice designed suit and her Esme stitched golden dress, Charlie and Renesmee made the cutest Beauty and the Beast (well, Prince Adam) ever.

“I can’t believe I’m going to miss this.” Bella whispered.

Joanna hugged her twin, careful of her own costume. “We will take plenty of pictures, promise. She needs some exposure, Bells. No one wants a sheltered half vampire.”

“I know.” Bella grumbled, “You guys will be careful, right?”

“Absolutely.” Joanna promised, glad the conversation ended before Jacob came back down the stairs. She wouldn’t have been able to keep a straight face. “Oh, Jacob.”

He hung his head, “Nessie, I am only doing this because I love you and your Aunt Jo.” Renesmee blinked innocently up at him, a hand on his. He chuckled, “Yeah, I’d rather me be in wolf form too, but, you’re right, I’d probably stand out too much. Might actually scare people.”

Joanna flicked the fake ears on the top of his head, “Why grandma, what big ears you have.”

“Better to hear you with, my dear!” Jacob said in his best wolf pretending to be an old lady voice.

Joanna tapped his painted nose before she flitted away, the red cape Esme had kept hidden from her billowing behind her, “Ness, let’s go before the big bad wolf gets us!”

Charlie laughed his ass off at the whole exchange, clapping Jacob good naturedly on the shoulder, “You’re a brave guy, Jacob Black.”

Jacob shrugged, watching Joanna carefully maneuver a seatbelt around Renesmee’s puffy gold dress, “Couldn’t tell Nessie no, and...Joanna looks happy about it.”

Charlie squeezed his shoulder, “Yeah, just remember I’ll be there all night.”

Jacob smiled warily at the police chief as they joined the girls in the car. Joanna kept up a pretty constant chatter until they pulled up outside his house. He greeted his dad with a wave as he turned towards the back seat to help Renesmee out. It was her first time using a seatbelt, but she wasn’t likely to really need help after watching her aunt secure the buckle. It was for Charlie’s sake, and for the group of Sam’s pack that were gathered outside the Black house.

Joanna glanced at her niece briefly, stunned to see obvious unease on the child’s face. “It’s okay, Ness.” Joanna whispered, running a hand up and down the girl’s arm.

Jacob sat her on her feet, and held his hand out to lead her to his father. After a split second of hesitation, she took his hand and walked beside him as he introduced her, “This is Renesmee.”

Billy gazed at the half vampire in obvious awe, silent long enough that Charlie clapped a hand on his best friend’s shoulder, “Looks like her mom, doesn’t she?”

Billy smiled, and it almost reached his eyes. Progress. He held a hand out to her, “I’m Billy...”

“Black.” Renesmee interrupted with her perfectly sweet voice, and took his hand in hers, “You’re Uncle Jake’s dad.” She gave him a dazzling smile, “It’s nice to meet you.”

The stunned expression on Billy’s face was priceless, and had Jacob doubled over laughing. Renesmee frowned at him, and he shot her a reassuring grin, “Nessie, you are something else.”

Billy seemed to shake the shock, and tapped a finger under Renesmee’s left eye, “It’s good to meet you too, little one. You have your mother’s eyes.”

Renesmee nodded, breaking away to regain Charlie’s attention, and Joanna took the opportunity to greet the patriarch, “Billy, Bella says to tell you she misses you, and that she really appreciates you letting Ness come out tonight.”

He nodded solemnly, “I hope she understands.”

“She does.” Jacob said, wrapping an arm around Joanna’s waist. “But she’s a total mom now, anything for Nessie. Jo and I are failing miserably at keeping her from getting too spoiled.”

“Obviously. We are standing here dressed as Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf wearing Grandmother’s clothes.” Joanna noted, glancing down at her dress for the hundredth time. Alice had impeccable taste, and it would be obvious to any passerby that all four costumes were handmade with vast attention to detail. Jacob’s nightdress and Joanna’s gown were also both era appropriate, and the dress fit Joanna to a T. The blue hue of the dress made her eyes pop, and, somehow, the vibrant red cape highlighted every strand of red hair typically hidden in her brown hair. The cape was intricately embroidered with thread the exact same shade as the main cape, and a velvet lining had been sewn in to keep her human self warm in the chilly air. For once, she felt like something out of a storybook.

Renesmee always looked like she’d stepped out of one, and in her ball gown the inhuman beauty of her was highlighted. Glitter delicately applied to her exposed skin helped conceal the slight shimmer that she gained in the sun. The Quileute’s would be looking for differences in her, and would notice even though normal humans weren’t likely to.

Even Charlie seemed transformed by his deep blue suit, looking younger even with his mustache still on his face. Alice had begged him for a week to shave, but had finally admitted defeat. If Alice couldn’t make Charlie reconsider, no one could.

While the unfamiliar men from Sam’s pack followed their trick or treating route, Renesmee didn’t seem to mind at all, grabbing Charlie’s hand and acting exactly the age she appeared to be. Many of the tribe members were wary, but between the pack presence and Billy’s nods of approval and Renesmee being Renesmee, she had typically enchanted them enough that by the time they moved to the next house, the smiles in her direction were genuine.

About an hour and three hundred pictures later, Seth joined them, and they lost all semblance of maturity. Seth scooped Renesmee up, settled her high against his side so she had a better vantage point and started arguing with Jacob about who gave the best candy. Charlie stuck close by, out of worry for Renesmee as night began to fall or a general fear of teenaged shenanigans, Joanna really didn’t know.

She found herself keeping pace with Billy, who had been wheeling himself around with surprising strength, but was tiring. “Would you like some help?” Joanna asked softly as they headed up an incline.

Billy nodded after a few seconds, “I would appreciate it.”

Grateful that someone had insisted on sensible shoes, likely Bella, Joanna set herself to pushing Billy’s wheelchair for him. Jacob looked back every few seconds, but relaxed when Joanna gave him a nod and a smile.

“He’s happy again.” Billy said, glancing up at her, “Thank you.”

Joanna laughed shortly, building the courage to ask the questions that had lingered in the weeks since she’d seen the tribal elder, “You’re welcome. I do wonder though, why I have a power so similar to that of your ancestors. It seems weird to me.”

Billy sighed audibly, looking back at the road in front of them. “I have wondered that as well. I can think of two reasons the spirits would have given such gifts to an outsider. The first is that you were always meant to join us as Jacob’s imprint. From the moment you were created, you were destined to be with him, and the spirits felt you needed power.”

They had reached Sue’s house, and, while Joanna would have loved to focus on how red Charlie’s cheeks had gotten and to speak to the woman who had him so flustered, she took the opportunity to kneel next to Billy’s chair so they could continue speaking at a quieter volume. “I’d thought about that one. The whole soulmates thing. But...”

“Bella.” Billy finished for her.

“Yeah. She’s gifted.” Joanna added unnecessarily. “Charlie is a bit too, according to Edward.”

Billy sighed again, looking at his long time best friend and trying not to be irritated with his interactions with Harry’s widow. He would worry about that later. “That brings me to the second reason. I have long believed that Charlie may have Quileute blood.”

“What?” Joanna barked, thinking about how absolutely pale the Swan’s were.

Billy continued, ignoring her interruption, “When we were young he researched his family, and the Forks records of early settlement were amazingly intact. In the early 1800s there is a girl missing a mother. Charlie’s ancestor settled here and mysteriously acquired a daughter a year later. I was curious, wanted to believe that my friend I cared so much about could be more than just a friend from the town over.” He gave a wistful smile, remembering how much he’d wanted Charlie to be able to truly be a part of their lives, “I consulted our tribal history of the time, mostly journal writings and letters collected by our elders to preserve. There were several accounts among them that record a young woman was cast out about the same time, her name was not recorded for that reason. At the time, I allowed Charlie’s father to convince me it was a coincidence, but now...” He put a hand over the one she was using to balance herself on his wheelchair, “I find it difficult to believe that the magic of the Quileute blood has not found a way to come back to the tribe it began in.”

Their conversation ended abruptly when Renesmee ran up and put a hand on Joanna’s cheek. “You’re not sleepy yet?” Joanna asked, covering for the fact that Renesmee was replaying expressions between Charlie and Sue with a clear question on her mind. Little snoop. Renesmee frowned and shook her head, turning on her heel and running back to Charlie at a very calculated rate. They’d practiced. Repeatedly. And damn if Renesmee wasn’t better at moving like a human than Bella was. Poor thing really did make a better vampire than human.

“You were right.” Billy said as they finally moved on to the next house. “She is just a little girl.”

“I’m glad she’s had tonight.” Joanna told him, as they both watched her interact with a young boy and exchange a few pieces of candy. Renesmee’s smile was absolutely radiant.

“I have not come across anything about what her future may hold.” Billy admitted.

Joanna sighed, “I’m not surprised. The Cullen’s haven’t found anything either. We’ll just have to keep looking.” She considered the man for a moment, “If I’m descended from a Quileute, even one who was cast out, then doesn’t that mean that Jacob and I are related?”

Billy laughed shortly, “Very distantly. The woman was not from the line that leads to my branch of the tree. Charlie is far more closely related to Sue than you are to my Jacob.”

“You don’t like the two of them being...friendly, do you?” Joanna asked, growing more familiar with the inner workings of the tribe than she had been before.

Billy glared up at the humor in her voice, “You are a fit for our Jacob, aren’t you?”

Joanna laughed at his tone, “I’d like to think so.”

“What are you two over here laughing about?” Charlie asked, leaving Jacob and Seth to tear Renesmee away from her new friend.

“This and that.” Joanna told him, intentionally vague. He was, after all, still on a need to know. Surely if Billy had thought Charlie needed to know, he would have told him all those years ago. “I’d better go help those boys. We’ll never get to this last house if I don’t.”

She snapped more pictures as Renesmee walked down the side walk framed by Seth and Jacob. Renesmee’s boundless energy ran out half way back to Billy’s house, and Jacob scooped the girl up. “Candy...” she protested softly, lulled further into sleep by his warmth.

Joanna met those narrowed chocolate brown eyes with her blue ones, “We’ll eat some tomorrow, okay, Beauty? I’m sure I can keep Uncle Jake from eating it all.”

Renesmee sleepily reached out, and sustained contact just long enough to make it perfectly clear she was holding Joanna to her word. She was asleep for the last ten minutes of the walk, and even Billy gave up and let Seth take a turn at pushing the chair. Fortunately they made it back without Billy ending up in a ditch.

Jacob had been working on Bella’s…now Joanna’s truck for a few days, so Joanna used that as an excuse to let Charlie take Renesmee back to her parents alone. He didn’t even ask how Jacob was going to get his bike. The pair waved as the car drove away, and Joanna sighed happily. Jacob kissed the side of her head, “Good night?”

“One of the best.” Joanna said, a smile on her face, “Renesmee’s never gotten to just be a kid like that. I had a good time too.”

“I’m glad. I did too.” Jacob turned her around to face him, but kept her firmly in his grip, ”So, what’s bothering you?” He asked, noticing the far off look in her eyes.

The smile vanished, and she resisted the urge to cry, “You heard my talk with your dad, right?”

He nodded, an adoring smile on his face, “Most of it.”

“He’s so sure that I’m gifted because the magic is coming back to you, to the Quileute, but, Jacob, I...” He waited patiently, so damned patiently, for her to get her words together, to be able to tell him. He probably would have waited forever, as long as she needed, and that was why she finally found the words. “I can’t have kids. Almost impossible is what Carlisle said after I woke up. I know we’re young, you’re a step up from jail bait, but...we may only ever be the fun aunt and uncle. I don’t think I can give you the chance to be a dad, and you deserve that. Someone else could...”

“No.” Jacob said firmly, though his face was so incredibly kind still, “No, Jo. Is this your last ditch attempt to convince me we’re not meant to be together?”

“No!” She insisted, but admitted a second later, “Maybe? I’m damaged goods, Jake. In so many ways. My body can’t carry a baby for you. I don’t want to steal things from your future.”

“So we adopt. Or get a surrogate. Or decide we want to stay the fun aunt and uncle.” He held her face tenderly, his thumbs stroking across her cheekbones, “I don’t care, Jo. You want to be a mom, we’ll find a way that works for us. It does not make you any less perfect to me.”

Joanna couldn’t hold onto the angsty cloud that had engulfed her. It evaporated at his words, at the absolute sincerity of him, and vanished as quickly as it had come. His mind hadn’t changed at all. Which was good, because hers hadn’t either, not really. “Okay.”

He kissed her gently, treating her like she was something precious. His touch grew firmer as she responded to him, her hands wandering across the muscled expanses hidden under the gown he still wore. She pulled the lacy thing over his head to get closer to him, and he urged her legs up to rest around his waist, the soft fabric of her skirt bunched up in the front, but kept her completely covered in the back from any of Sam’s friends that still lingered. When Jacob pulled away to let her breathe a few minutes later, he flipped her hood up, “Can we keep this?” 

Joanna arched an eyebrow at him, “Really? A red cape does it for you?” A hint of a blush came to his cheeks and she had to laugh, “Okay, my big bad wolf, I’ll be your little red anytime you want.” She cleared her throat dramatically, “Why Grandmother, what big teeth you have.”

“All the better to eat you with!” Jacob replied, kissing down the side of her neck to bite down before leaving a hickey there. She rocked her hips against him. Jacob groaned, rock hard in the shorts he’d insisted on wearing under the dress, and pulled away with a hoarse, “I love you.”

She grinned at him, feeling so much lighter, like she could finally let herself just exist and be happy, to stop the fear from holding her back as she said for the first time, “I love you too.”

His jubilant whoop and firm kiss were the perfect way to end the best Halloween ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title and lyrics from 'Adore You' by Harry styles.
> 
> And that concludes today's adventure of Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf! I promise, Joanna will let the last of her guard down next chapter! ;)
> 
> -Jenn


	25. Flaws

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Several weeks of time covered in this chapter, Thanksgiving makes an appearance, and several things start to unfold, maybe quicker than Joanna would like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man...these last 8 months... in addition to the obvious, I've had some pretty gnarly changes in my personal life that just sapped the will to write right out of me. Obviously this chapter is grossly overdue, but I absolutely promise that I'm not abandoning this story!

_"All of your flaws and all of my flaws_   
_They lie there hand in hand_   
_Ones we've inherited, ones that we learned_   
_They pass from man to man_

_There's a hole in my soul_   
_I can't fill it, I can't fill it_   
_There's a hole in my soul_   
_Can you fill it? Can you fill it?_

_You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve_   
_And I have always buried them deep beneath the ground_   
_Dig them up; let's finish what we've started_   
_Dig them up, so nothing's left untouched"_

**November 22nd, 2006**

Joanna settled between Jacob’s legs, taking a moment to savor how he instantly reacted and cradled her body as best as he could. He didn’t need to though, not at the expense of his own comfort. He was somehow too big for a bed that had seemed to fit her and her sister with ease. “Relax, I thought you were the big bad wolf? I’m perfectly content right where I am.”

To prove the point, she propped her head on his chest so they could easily look one another in the eye. Taking one of his big hands in hers, she held it against her chest, enjoying a moment of warmth before opening her mouth again and instigating a conversation she’d planned for for days with her sister. “So… what’s next?”

“Next?” Jacob echoed, eyebrows furrowed.

Joanna shrugged, “We killed Halloween, pretty sure we can manage Thanksgiving tomorrow and then Christmas next month. But what then?” Jacob stared at her face for a while, but his mind was obviously elsewhere, “Jake? What do you want? And don’t say a word about imprinting. What does Jacob Black Alpha Werewolf want from life?”

“Besides you?” He asked with a cheeky grin that earned him a kiss before she was gazing impatiently at him, “Well, I guess I like fixing cars, trucks, motorcycles, pretty much anything with an engine. There are some trade schools in Seattle I was interested in before the whole werewolf thing.”

“But you need to finish school, right?” Joanna prompted.

“I guess. I’m sure I could get my GED and that would be enough.” He said unconvincingly.

Joanna shifted, straddling one of his strong thighs, her mouth inches from his, “But you would do better with an actual education, right?” He nodded, lifting his head in an attempt to kiss her, but she kept herself deftly out of reach, “You need to go back to school.”

“I’m behind, I missed a semester.” He argued.

“So?” Joanna asked, “I’m sure you’d be able to catch up. Besides, if you wait you’ll only be further behind. Bella said you might be able to test out of some classes to help you catch up.”

“I wouldn’t know where to start.” Jacob protested. “Wait, Bella said?”

Joanna flung herself off the bed, diving for a stack of papers her sister had given her. She thrust the papers at her mate, “Your best friend is a vampire who doesn’t sleep but has a child who does. She has lots of spare time. We were talking the other day, and then she has this whole...packet ready for you. I think she’s even filled shit in.”

Jacob flicked through the pages in awe, “This is everything I would need to reenroll, and everything I need to do to graduate on time.” He looked up at Joanna with a bemused expression on his face, “Bella’s done everything but write the checks for the CLEP tests.”

Joanna laughed softly, “She mentioned those actually, but you have to pick test dates first.”

Jacob sat the papers aside and snatched her back up, rolling with her until she was settled breathlessly on top of him, hardly containing a fit of giggles. “You and Bella are going to kill me.”

“Only in the best ways.” Joanna said impishly, kissing him again.

“What about you? What does Joanna Swan want to do?” He asked, trailing one hand across her cheek, regretting his questions as soon as the giddy smile slid off her face. She and Bella had talked through how to talk Jacob in to going back to school, but it had never occurred to her that he would turn the conversation on her. “Jo?” He questioned, concern furrowing his brows.

She sat up, putting a distance between them that he didn’t like, even if she was still straddling his waist. Blue eyes stormy she shrugged, “I don’t know. I won’t do what I did before. Not really a legal market for that kind of thing anyway. For a whore.”

Jacob sat up, scooting back like she wasn’t weighing him down at all and positioning himself against the wall so his face was closer to hers again. “That’s not you. Not anymore. You are so much more than that.”

Tears pricked in the corner of her eyes, glistening in the candlelight, “You are so much more than me. I’m bad for you and I am not good for anything other than...”

Jacob cut her off by pulling her into a hug, “Stop, Jo. We’ve been through this before. Halloween, actually. Think about what you can do, not what you think you did or should.”

Joanna clenched her fists in the back of his T-shirt and stayed quiet for a while. His hold on her wasn’t aggressive, it wasn’t sexual, it was just warm. His embrace was for comfort, for reassurance, and for a sense of grounding she’d only felt a few times before in her life. She blinked away the tears, “You know, I worked in a massage parlor sometimes. Mostly the customers were there for the happy ending, but not all of them. I can give a mean massage.”

“Really?” He asked, sounding genuinely surprised and more than a bit intrigued.

Joanna nodded, feeling heat spark between them again, “Yeah, I could...demonstrate if you want.”

“You know I’ll let you do anything to me.” He said instantly.

Joanna smiled softly at him. It was in those moments and words that the difference in their level of experience was so blatantly obvious. “Hope you don’t go around saying that to all the girls, sweet boy.”

“Only you.”

She’d been a victim so much of her life, but something about his earnest eager love made her feel confident. She might not be able to work a job in retail or sit behind a desk, but she could work with her hands and ensure that he was never unsatisfied, “In that case, from now on, you are the only one who gets a half-naked massage from me, and you change my oil anytime you want.”

A blush tinted his tanned cheeks at her innuendo, “I may be a virgin, but I got that one.”

“Good, I’ll hold you to it.” Joanna said, giving him a peck on the cheek before wriggling out of his arms again. “You’d best be naked, face down, and under a towel when I get back.” After issuing her decree she bolted for the door, almost regretting the missed opportunity to turn around to see his face.

It took a few minutes of rifling through the kitchen cabinets to find what she was looking for, but she returned to her room as a successful hunter, who was very very lucky judging by the fine display of male specimen taking up most of the bed. He eyed her questioningly, but not warily, his body relaxed as he lay naked on the bed, a towel across his ass. He had no idea what a turn on that level of trust was.

Or maybe he did.

Jacob’s eyes dilated as he took her in, but he raised an eyebrow at the bottle in her hand. He gave a quick sniff, “Olive oil?”

Joanna nodded, breaking herself out of her reverie, “Yup! Sunflower is better, but this will do. You’ll need a shower after, but I’m sure we can manage that just fine.”

Jacob would proudly admit later that the glory of Joanna’s hands on his skin for a solid hour was absolutely worth the ribbing from Emmett when they showed up the next morning to get Renesmee for Thanksgiving. Apparently, the vampires’ senses were stronger than the shower Jacob had taken, and the entire time they spent at the Cullen’s house, Emmett made jokes about Jacob being basted and ready to go in the oven.

They had made plans to spend Thanksgiving on the Reservation at the Clearwater’s, and arrived a half hour early. Renesmee remained blissfully unaware as to why they left earlier than planned, and was so happy she freed herself from the car quicker than any human child should have been able to, leaving Jacob and her aunt behind to share one last bemused smile.

“You feeling okay, Jo?” Charlie asked his daughter as soon as they got out of the car, “You look a little flushed.”

“Grandpa Charlie!” Renesmee squealed as she threw her arms around his neck, “Uncle Emmett was teasing Jacob because he smells like oil.”

Charlie blanched.

Joanna covered her face with her hands, “It was a massage, Daddy. Promise!”

“Nope, nope, not going there. I’ll file this in the ‘don’t need to know’ category.” Charlie said, a flush on his cheeks matching Joanna’s.

They managed to settle in to Thanksgiving dinner easily, and Joanna busied herself in the kitchen with Sue instead of watching the kick off of the big game with the men and Renesmee. Like Bella, sports didn’t hold Joanna’s attention for very long, and the easy chat with Sue was nice, though not as nice as the nap she took curled up next to Jacob.

Renesmee spent the whole ride home asking all the questions about football she’d realized would have sounded strange to Charlie. Jacob did his best to answer them all while Joanna carefully drove Edward’s car back to the Cullen’s house.

Bella and Edward met them at the tree line, ready to put their daughter to bed. The sister’s talked about Charlie and Sue, and Edward absently talked with Jacob about the game. They entered the cottage and set about the night time routine. It had so quickly become habit, their perfect little life. Someone would cajole Renesmee into brushing her teeth, pick a few books for her to select from, laundry would be taken care of, and someone else would turn down the sheets on her bed and flick on the collection of perfectly mismatched lamps arranged around the cozy room.

In the doorway, safe in Jacob’s arms, watching her mother and aunt get her room ready, Renesmee’s clear voice asked a question that brought it all to a screeching halt, “Aunt Jo, can you read me my story tonight?”

Joanna resisted the urge to freeze at the innocent question, but could tell that her sister and Jacob were instantly aware something was not okay. Damn super human hearing, they had to know her heart was suddenly racing. Edward shot her a comforting look from behind Jacob, all too knowing.

Joanna forced a smile on her face, and glanced once at Bella before speaking, hoping she didn’t react too poorly. She and Jacob both needed to know, “I would love to, Ness, but I can’t. I don’t know how to read.”

Renesmee frowned as she settled onto her bed, “But you’re big.”

Joanna laughed tightly, fully aware that everyone was staring at her, “I know, but maybe we can learn together?” Renesmee nodded, “Good. For tonight though, how about I tell you a story?”

Renesmee grabbed onto one of her aunt’s hands, psychically and physically agreeing. The innocence of children knew no bounds. Renesmee had no idea she had just outed one of her aunt’s remaining secrets. She didn’t judge either. Joanna loved her all the more for that. She cradled the girl in her arms, rocking side to side, refusing to look at anyone else as she began: _“Once upon a time there were two little princesses. They lived in a beautiful kingdom full of towering trees where they were loved dearly by their parents, the King and Queen. Although they were alike in form, the sisters were as different as the seasons themselves. The Winter Princess was quiet, calm, and very wise. The Summer Princess was loud, impulsive, and very brave._

_They were all very happy, even the Queen, though she sometimes missed the sunny plains of her home kingdom. The King was honest and fair. Loved by most, but not by all. One such man was upset by justice the King had presided over, and was jealous of the King’s vibrant Queen and beautiful Princesses._

_One day, while the King was out serving his kingdom, the bad man came and stole away with the little princesses. He was not prepared, however, for how much the two girls loved one another. The Winter Princess cried out, but no guardsman heard her. The Summer Princess fought until the bad man released the Winter Princess. He held the Summer Princess tight, and eventually gave her to another bad man who kept her locked in a tower._

_Meanwhile, the Winter Princess escaped and returned home unharmed. She and the Queen left the King’s kingdom, too sad to remain. Many years passed, the princesses grew more and more lovely, and the Summer Princess grew too old for her tower. Instead, she was locked in a golden cage where all those passing could see her beauty. No one noticed she was sad._

_Just as sad as the Winter Princess, who returned home to her father’s kingdom after a long time in the sun. The Winter Princess lived a half life, part of her still lost in the forest. She never expected find the Frost Prince. The Frost Prince was handsome and dangerous, yet a perfect gentleman. They fell in love. But still, the Winter Princess was unhappy.”_

“She missed her sister.” Renesmee interjected, not looking the least bit sleepy.

Joanna nodded, “Very much. So much, that before she would marry the Frost Prince and join his kingdom, she sent him on a quest to find the lost Summer Princess. With the help of his brother, the Frost Prince found the missing princess. He triumphantly brought the Summer Princess home to his future bride.”

“And they lived happily ever after?” Renesmee asked, looking a bit less alert.

Joanna shushed her, pressing a kiss to the child’s warm forehead, shifting her so she was under the blankets of her bed, “Patience, Ness.”

Renesmee smiled up at her, and played the last snippet of the story back to her aunt, her imagination fairly accurately filling in the faces of her mother and father.

_“Now home, the Summer Princess struggled to adjust. A long time had passed, and she was no longer the little girl who had danced in the forest with her sister. She smiled and laughed, and convinced others that she was fine, but she was still very sad.” Joanna took a deep breath, trying to not let her emotions seep into her story, “She didn’t dance again for several months. It was at the wedding of the Winter Princess and Frost Prince where a boy from another kingdom convinced the Summer Princess that it was okay to dance again. Her days grew lighter, less lonely, and the King loved to listen to her laugh. The story didn’t end there though, for there was still something each princess felt she was missing._

_The Winter Princess found her missing piece in a baby girl, who all around her adored. The Summer Princess found her missing piece in a prince from the dancing boy’s kingdom. The Wolf Prince burst into her life, and the Summer Princess started to believe that happiness could return to the kingdom. The Wolf Prince spent his days reminding the Summer Princess that even on the cloudiest day, a smile can be warmer than the sun. And, once she said three little words, they all lived happily ever after."_

Joanna looked down at the girl and smiled, watching in her mind as the story echoed from Renesmee’s gift and faded as the half human drifted off to sleep. Renesmee had fallen asleep at last. Only then did she dare look at her sister again.

“Jo?” Bella asked, her inhumanly perfect voice more than a little broken.

Joanna sighed, bridging the space between them to hug her twin, “You’re the smart one.”

“That’s not even…” Bella protested.

“Bells, stop. It’s okay. You’ll just…need to teach me. I’m not as quick a learner as Ness, but it’ll have to do.” Joanna straightened some of her sister’s hair absently, “If you would, mention it to everyone else? I can’t imagine the look on Rosalie’s face when she realizes she taught someone to drive that couldn’t even read the street signs.”

“If she were human, she’d have a stroke.” Bella said with a short laugh.

Joanna grinned at her, “Absolutely. Love you, Bells. We’ll get out of your hair. See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, we’ll be here. Jake needs to start studying.” Bella said with a pointed glare at her best friend.

“I will!” Jacob groused, leading Joanna into the forest, prepared to walk until she got tired.

“I liked your story.” Jacob said finally, his hand clenching tighter around hers.

She kissed his bare shoulder in response, “Of course you did. I made you the prince you are.”

“Edward still did more saving.” He grumbled.

Joanna giggled a little seeing him pout, giving him another quick kiss before pulling back slightly. “Can I ask you a favor?” she asked quietly in the space between them.

“Anything,” he answered with a small nod, looking suddenly concerned.

Joanna chewed on her lip, contemplating her next words very carefully. Petting his cheek softly, enjoying the small smile she saw creep onto his face as he judged her expression, the way he leaned into her hands, she distracted herself from words for a moment. Feeling his hands lazily caress her, leaving a small warm buzz wherever he touched. It was almost annoying that he was so good at distracting her and he wasn’t even trying to. She tried to ignore it. Ignore the warm feeling slowly pooling in the pit of her stomach. The wish that he'd touch her more, that she would really be able to know what it meant to be part of more than just oneself.

“Will you help me erase the memories?” she breathed out quietly almost afraid to say the words. “I want to forget them, replace them with ones _I_ want,” she explained seeing the slight shock flash across his face.

He had never once gone any farther than she had coerced or invited. Werewolf or gentleman, she didn’t know, but that respect had a profound impact on her. Joanna trusted Jacob, more than words could say. She wanted his touches, to feel his skin against more than just her hands. To give in to the teenage lust that had been taunting her in the weeks since she’d realized she really loved him. She didn’t just love him though. She wanted Jacob. It was never a fleeting thought. It kept coming back and his overly polite make out sessions had started to become annoying. Part of her had assumed he could smell that she wanted him and it would go from there, but he had never gone any farther, not even when she knew he was harder than a rock. Maybe that was it though. She had never trusted anyone the way she trusted him.

Jacob stared at her some more. When she stepped closer and closed the gap between him, he let out a breath feeling her wiggle against him, combined with a jolt that ran through his spine. He should say no. Definitely should say no to that. He didn't want to hurt her, or not be good enough. He wasn't exactly skilled in such things. But damn if she didn't make it hard. “Joanna,” he breathed out on a sigh feeling her move again, knowing she was doing it on purpose even as her blue eyes stared up at him innocently. “Why now?”

“I trust you,” she answered without hesitation. “ _I_ want you, your touches, kisses, everything because it's you,” she explained quietly no louder than a whisper but he could hear the honesty drenched in her words. Even if she couldn't exactly understand his feelings fully she cared for him in a way she had never felt for anyone else. “You're always gentle, and sometimes lately it drives me insane,” she admitted with a small bashful grin.

Jacob bit the inside of his cheek to just not give in then and there. Damn her for being so alluring. Trying to not just let his stupid teenage lust brain take over and think rationally for a moment. Looking back at her, trying to find an ounce of trepidation or fear, though he found nothing. Nothing but a warmth that made his stomach churn and body burn. Forcing breath back in his lungs he stepped even closer to her.

“I don't want you to regret it,” he mumbled back cupping her cheek gently. “I don't want to hurt you.”

“I won't regret it,” she assured without a doubt. She hadn't regretted anything yet in the oddly weaved life they'd created. She highly doubted she would regret this. “You won't hurt me.”

“I can't say I'll be any good,” he added with a small grimace. He didn't really have experience in such affairs and dreams were hardly anything to count. Nothing compared to her, no matter if she’d been willing or not, she had far more knowledge than he did.

“We'll figure it out together like everything else.” Joanna giggled a little seeing his grimace. Honestly a little surprised by his bashfulness but she thought it was genuinely more adorable than the boasting confidence she had come so accustomed to from men. He truly just made her feel like melting.

He flicked his eyes back to her, seeing the smile on her face, he really didn't want to say no. He wanted to just give in to what they both apparently wanted, and the same instincts that had told him to be careful with his imprint were now full steam ahead on claiming her in every way possible. Thinking of all the ways it could go wrong, all the ways he could mess up and potentially ruin everything he tried to fight the werewolf, to fight the sweet smelling human in front of him. But then he felt her hands, the gentle caresses, the soft hum of her laughter. He couldn't say no, he wanted to do anything for her if it made her happy.

“Alright, I can't say I don't want to either,” he mumbled giving in as though it was ever really an argument. “But we will have to be quiet if we’re ever going to live through Emmett’s teasing or keep your dad from shooting me.” He added with a teasing grin, pulling her face closer to give her a quick kiss.

Joanna almost snorted. “Hmm I'm not sure I can promise that.”

“I'm sure we'll figure it out,” He chuckled as they continued walking towards the highway. “You can always say no though, I don't want you to forget that,” he added lightly taking her hand again.

“I know, but I know you. I love you.” She hummed unable to bite back the giddy smile on her face following his lead.

The tension had never felt better, but Jacob came to a halt at the edge of a clearing. “What?”

Joanna let out a gasp, “Alice. Had to be.”

The truck was there, no longer parked in front of the Swan home where they’d left it in favor of driving Renesmee in her father’s car. (Edward was insistent that his daughter would not travel in the ‘death trap’, no matter how much her mother and aunt both loved it.)

They peered inside, Joanna noting two overnight bags with designer labels and opening the pale blue one first. She pulled out a thin strip of lace, “Although I think this is from Bella’s closet reject pile. It’s expensive, my sister has no taste.”

Jacob’s face had an odd mix of awe and horror on it, and he gestured to a note that had been taped to the dashboard, “Alice told Charlie you and the Cullen ladies are all going on a Girl’s Weekend to Seattle. Apparently, they have a hunting cabin an hour away. Her visions got clearer this afternoon, and she realized it’s because I will be…otherwise occupied this weekend.”

“You know, it seems like she and Jasper are so polite together, but she’s kind of a freak.” Joanna commented, holding up another item from her bag. “I like it.” She grinned, relishing in the expression on Jacob’s face when he saw it.

“I’m gonna die.” Jacob choked out.

Joanna slid into the front seat and held out her hand, “Not if we don’t get this truck going asap.”

The vampire scented note fluttered to the forest floor. Jacob would make up for littering later, for now he had to figure out how to drive with the most serious erection he’d had in his entire life, with the object of his affection inches from him, with whatever else was in that damned bag. He was absolutely in for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, J & J smut is ahead! Next chapter is going to pretty much entirely be Joanna and Jacob in a cabin in the woods, total schmaltz, before we head in to the joy that is Breaking Dawn's December 2006.
> 
> If you're still with me, drop a comment below and let me know what you think!  
> -Jenn


End file.
